[OtherMother109]

I adopted from foster care and got the two best sons a mother could have. They are not perfect, by any means. Like "normal" children, they have their good points and their challenges. I can't imagine life without either one of them.

So, I must have got a couple of easy ones, hmmm? No. In fact, my first son went through hell, and then we both went through hell getting him through the struggles just to live in this world. (raisingatraumatizedchild.blogspot.com) But he does live in this world now, and he's a pain in the *** and a wonderful guy and funny and stupid and brilliant and my son. My second son came at 3 weeks old and he's a pain in the *** and a wonderful kid and funny and stupid and brilliant and my son.

That's all. If you adopt from foster care, internationally, privately, or if you parent by giving birth, you don't know what's going to happen or what you're going to "get." That's what parenting is: day after day of unexplored territory that brings you sometimes pain and weariness, but mostly brings you the kind of joy you can't find any other way.

[Wishingndreaming]

Originally Posted by OtherMother109

That's what parenting is: day after day of unexplored territory that brings you sometimes pain and weariness, but mostly brings you the kind of joy you can't find any other way.

I second that! I am a proud mother of the two best kids ever! They wear me out and make me crazy, but I cannot fathom how utterly meaningliess and devoid of joy my life would be without them.

[Cupcake_Lady]

This just made me smile.

[mckmom10]

Ditto that! Awesome story and thank you so much for sharing with us.....Congratulations!

[jkstarr]

Love it! So true, you just never know what you're going to "get".

[ttpharmd]

What a great post! I will refer to these words of wisdom often during my foster (possibly adoptive) parenting journey.

[potentialsinglemom]

I agree. My son is the best. He keeps me on my toes.

[tatormc]

I hope someday soon I can feel this way. I'm struggling with an adopted child that was in foster care. We did not foster her. We have a birth child also and they are night and day. I want to connect with our adopted child but I'm really struggling. Did any of you struggle or have any tips?

[potentialsinglemom]

My son was placed with me as an infant (five months old) January 2010. He hated me. He came out of a home where stimulation was not given to him. He hated lights, human touch, and sounds. It was hard taking him out in public because he was overstimulated and could not handle it. He basically wanted to be left alone. Whoever said babies are easy to work with...LIED!!!


Foster parents have to take all these classes which do not amount to much in the real world. I found myself searching for knowledge. I took classes outside of the agency. I researched whatever my crisis was at the time online. And finally, I did a lot of praying, took deep deep breaths often and decided to fix my way of thinking.

My personal struggle with my son was for a long time he was not really receptive to me. He seemed to tolerate me. He wanted everyone else in the world to interact with him. I had to restrict one particular friend from coming to my home. She was also a foster parent, and saw how he was not bonding with me so quickly. She started coming to my home and just simply hold him. He would fall asleep in her arms, whereas he hated to sit in my arms past my feeding him. I would take him away from her, but as soon as I left the room, she'd pick him up again. As soon as she got up to leave he would scream for her. In a nutshell, she wanted him and tried to convince me he was not "my baby" but hers.

What I eventually started doing, as per advice from another foster parent on this forum, was "wearing him". I waited until he was in a deep sleep and held him with his head resting on my shoulder and near my neck so he could get used to my scent. Also, I would bathe him immediately after his parent-child visit. It seemed, although he really did not know his biomom, his behaviors after his visits were intensified. He started doing so much better by the end of 2010.

It was a process but we had a full breakthrough in November 2011, a month after his biomom's rights were terminated. I do not know where you stand as far as prayer, but on November 12, 2011 I sat down as asked God to reveal whether I was the best person to parent this child who is refusing to fully bond with me and who's mother had every popular mental and behavioral diagnoses you can think up. I admitted to God and myself that with all my efforts I was feeling like a failure. The NEXT morning, I woke up, went to check on him and there he stood in the bed, arms stretched out wanting me to hold him. Needless to say, He decided to keep me and I adopted him on my birthday last year. Please, do not get me wrong. We still have our good and bad days.

He is very intuitive, intelligent, imaginative, extremely independent and possesses a strong personality. Although he is three and a half, it is amazing how his presence soothes my foster children. He is very protective and nurturing of them when I am not around. This child who struggled with being nurtured is now a nurturer.