[leahcar]

We are seeking to adopt an older child from the foster care system. Our homestudy was completed July 27. We are not licensed to foster. We haven't ruled that path out, but want to try straight adoption first.


We have inquired about over 50 children across the country. Most we never heard back on. We are one of five families being considered for a ten-year-old girl in our state (Florida). The match meeting is in December.

For those of you that have adopted an older child, how long did it take? What was the process?

[Shelly77]

We are adopting a 10 year old who is in foster care now. We waited for 7 months from the time we were officially complete and licensed until we found our match. Then it was 3 - almost 4 months after matching that she is scheduled to move in with us.

If you have specific questions, feel free to ask.

[txwannabemom]

I was a bit of a bull dog during the process....but was approved June 4 and matched Aug 12, brought dd home Aug 28 with no transition because her fp wanted her gone. Why is the match meeting so far in the future?

[leahcar]

I don't know why the match meeting is so far. We've had a horrible time getting the case worker to communicate with us.

We were told we were being considered as a possible match the first week of October and that the case worker and guardian ad litem would be calling us. The GAL called right away (more than once), but the case worker didn't call for over three weeks, despite us leaving messages for him and emailing him (which he did not respond to). He left a message for us last Thursday (first time), but was not available when we called back Thurs and Friday.

We finally met him at a matching event we had been invited to (all the kids available were there, along with tons of prospective parents). He had a meeting with the five families being considered at the event. All of us together. Awkward!!! At this point, all we knew about the child is that she likes purple (the GAL couldn't give details until we spoke to the case worker). He hadn't talked to the other families yet either. That's when he announced a decision would be made in December and that's the last we've heard from him, despite us sending an email to follow up.

[txwannabemom]

Have you called his supervisor to say (In a deep south accent if possible)
"We know Mr.Blankman is so busy, but we just wanted to say we are so excited about Baby Star. We are so honored to be considered for her. WE know he will get back to us as soon as possible. Is there anything we can do to help make the process smoother or faster for Mr. Blankman & Baby Star? We know ya'll are very busy down there." Find some one in the office who is helpful if possible. And try following up with the GAL if you haven't already- thanking HER for the response.

I will tell you where you are now was the HARDEST part of the waiting game for me. I have officially learned I am NOT patient when it comes to R's needs

[Robinyyes]

I too am going through a long wait for a matching meeting.

I was just told this morning actually that it will be in three weeks (but I've heard that tune before) its been over 3 months now and just this week I passed on the friendly and patient, and moved on to nicely-nagging-bulldog

I have a feeling that my 'nicely-nagging-bulldog' is what got the ball rolling. At least I hope so.

I am the only family being considered for this child, and as others come into the picture they also go away (I'm thinking its the wait for the matching meeting)

I've already got the known risks report and have been given a lot of information on the phone, but like you the matching meeting is really hard to be patient for.

I'm hopeful that Txwannabemom is right and that waiting for the matching meeting is the hardest part, because frankly I was feeling pretty emotional just eariler this week about the whole thing. (It's just not fair to the child in my opinion- and there is now a federal statute that instructs them to match within 3 months)

So we wait and we'll see. I'm hoping for a positive outcome for you leahcar, as well as for me.

[leahcar]

Hope you get your answer soon, Robyn! How old is your potential match? Boy or girl?

The one I've been posted about is a 10-year-old girl. Yesterday another caseworker from the same agency called to ask if we'd like to be considered for an 11-year-old girl, "P", with a match meeting happening NEXT WEEK. I said, "Yes, but we're already being considered for A and her match meeting isn't until December."

She said, "No, A's meeting is next week immediately before P's".

WHAT??!!! She talked to the adoption coordinator who said we could be considered for A and if we aren't chosen we can be considered for P. I ran home from work to try to track down our caseworker to see if she will be available that day to represent us. (She's NOT! But someone else from the agency will.)

Then I talked to A's GAL who said that's not correct. Her match meeting is definately Dec. 2 (when we are on a cruise for our 10th anniversary).

Holy confusion. So I'm really not sure what's going on now!

Hubby and I talked it over last night and decided to go ahead and be presented for whichever child comes up first and take it from there. Whichever child is meant to be ours (A, P or someone else) will work out exactly how it's supposed to.

Still all this waiting and communication is so stressful!

[Robinyyes]

I'm being considered for a boy who is nine and out of my state (I live in CA). Originally I stated everything through my county (los angeles) but after 6 mos. I started looking outside of my county, and here I am.


How frustrating that they are still messing up the dates. I hope that it is all settled in just the way that is right for you soon!

I should know about 'J' one way or the other before Thanksgiving (even though they said '3' weeks- I've learned that they live in a different time frame then me lol) So at this point I'm just trying to hang on to any reserves of patience that I have left...and TXwannabemom is right- I also do not have patience when it comes to my kids' needs.

But I have to stay patient. I know that if I am matched with 'J', that I then have to go through the ICPC and I doubt that they will let the transition begin while that red tape parade starts (though, I will ask that the transistion start)

As it is I can't see them willing to place 'J' with us until just after Christmas because they don't tend to be willing to place a child in a new home just before the holidays.

So we'll see.

[chloroxsis]

Nothing is making me crazier than the bureaucracy of this stuff! My match meeting is set for Friday, and I think it's because I had a mini-nervous breakdown and just went nuts. I've called all over. When I bypassed everyone and went to the CW, then things happened. He went to the adoption worker, though he never called back...and suddenly, things happened.

I went to a meeting last night at the agency. Someone asked how many families were being considered for my kid, and they said two. I wonder if it's just me, and they won't say or if there really is another family.

She did say after the match they require: A meeting with the therapist, a meeting with the foster parent, and read through of the file. Then ....you can meet the child, and a transition plan is started.

Since I'm in the neighboring state, she said an ICPC could take six months. That means D will be in her foster mother's home for 3 of her then-9 years! It will be hard for her.

I really want her, but I sort of hope her FM will suddenly change her mind and decide to adopt her so she can just feel safe and at home!

[leahcar]

We have a match meeting tomorrow for an 11-year-old girl. I have felt like I'm going to throw up since I found out about it last Thursday.

I know I'm going to cry my eyes out if we're not chosen.

[j.elizabeth36]

i really hope the meeting goes well tomorrow! just remember, the matching is only the start...even if you are matched, there's still a waiting game after that. we had to wait a month after the matching before we even got to see our son. the bureaucracy is ridiculous, but stay patient and even-keeled!

[chloroxsis]

Originally Posted by j.elizabeth36

i really hope the meeting goes well tomorrow! just remember, the matching is only the start...even if you are matched, there's still a waiting game after that. we had to wait a month after the matching before we even got to see our son. the bureaucracy is ridiculous, but stay patient and even-keeled!

I'm so far past patient and even-keeled!

[Robinyyes]

Ok, its official! I'm peeved (that is a very mild term btw)

The third sw (who we were waiting to finish some kind of training for the month of September) and who started on Oct. 7, has given notice. So according to him 'J''s case goes back to the second sw who was 'unable' to schedule a matching meeting because she was waiting for the next worker to get situated ...now has his case back.

To me, that means that I'll either have to wait while they re-assign his case again (this would be sw #4 in 3 mos.) or we've lost two months (between waiting for worker number 2 and his decision to resign)

That's still not even overcoming the hurdle of being picked or going thru all the ICPC stuff awaiting me.

All with the holidays quickly approaching. I'm really not feeling patient at all at the moment. (that is once again putting it mildly).

Really I want to be re-assured that this will turn out alright, that this boy isn't getting left in the lurch, and that I can regain my composure before I speak to worker number two again (who I am unable to get on the phone at present).

[leahcar]

How frustrating, Robin! You are making me rethink out of state adoption if things don't work out for us with our possible match(es)!

Our match meeting was this afternoon. The person representing us (our case worker was unavailable!) called to say they told her it would be 2 - 3 days before they make a decision! Three families were presented. Fingers crosssed, but I really wish we knew something either way right away!

If we're not chosen, we're on the list to be considered from another child from the same agency next month.

[chloroxsis]

Robinyes,
That is not fair. You need to start calling any and everyone. You have to use these words to get their attention: "I cannot believe this is in the best interest of the child!" Find out if your child has a CASA or GAL. They can really help. Ask your adoption worker for help. It's unfair to let a child continue to be an "orphan."

I have found that I can no longer say anything nice about the process because it just has no urgency for the kids that are available for adoption. All urgency goes to the children up for reunification. They are all urgent!

Know this: I feel your pain!