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  #1  
Old 10-15-2009, 06:37 AM
countrychristian countrychristian is offline
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Has anyone did adopt only thru foster care?

Hello,My husband and I are just about to get our license through foster care. We had signed up for adopt only,0-3,girl,cauc,his,asian,. However now after reading everyones post we are thinking of switching to foster to adopt. My question is has anyone out there did adopt only of a child under 3years and can they tell us their story? I was going to tell our cw today to switch it,but still wondering if anyone has had success with adopt only.

Thanks
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  #2  
Old 10-26-2009, 08:23 PM
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o2b30again o2b30again is offline
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We did straight adoption through foster care. Ours I think was an unlikely situation. We were even matched prior to having our license complete.

Here's our story.

We went into adoption wanting a sib group where all the children were under the age of 10, any race and open to many needs. Honestly we figured we would be presented with children in the age range of 7-10 bi-racial and most likely boys. Lets face it that is the majority. We ended up being presented with a 20m old girl, 3 yr old boy and 4 yr old boy, White. They had "some delays" and aggressive behaviors. Reading their files I wasn't surprised. I would have been aggressive so we understood. The children moved home when they were 2,3 and 4. After our children moved home we recognized that they needed some testing and it was confirmed that they all three have FASD. There are benefits to apopting younger children and then there is the downside of the children not "growing into" their disoders where most can be identified by teachers, workers or parents. I feel that there is more of a risk involved adopting younger children. Please don't take this as discouragement because I wouldn't trade my children for anything.

Three weeks after our first three came home we recieved a call informing us that the children's bio cousins were just brought into care. If they went to adoption would we be interested. 6 short months later the children moved home..ages 8, 3 and 11m. This time 2 girls and a boy.

From what I have heard from others you are more likely to recieve a call for adoption only if you are interested in siblings. For me going back to pullups and diapers was a shock!!!!

Best of luck and just go with what is in your heart because then you will be an awsome parent. Your child will find you. Just give her time
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  #3  
Old 10-26-2009, 08:33 PM
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mommytoEli mommytoEli is offline
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my 3 foster only situations went adoption, my 2 placements that were supposed to go straight adoption, were RU'd. lol. most of the families i know irl who have adopted from foster care went the foster route and ended up adopting. i know several families who tried to do straight adopt, and it didn't work out for them, all those kids were ru'd. i only know one family irl who did straight adopt, and even then it was kind of a fluke as they knew the child from the hospital they worked in, and became licensed to adopt HER specifically.
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  #4  
Old 10-28-2009, 05:21 AM
countrychristian countrychristian is offline
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Thank you both for responding and telling me your stories. After not getting responses within the first few days I kinda figured it was rare. I also appriciate what you said about not knowing with younger children. I long to be a mommy so bad,but I don't want to do it with out my eyes open. After my cw finally called me back I told him to switch us to adopt thru foster care and have been considering a little older,but my dh isn't. This is my only chance of having a child and I would love to be able to experience the young ages. I have thought many times about siblings,however I think I would be best to start of with just one child. In the future I could see more but I don't want to be overwelmed. Plus my dh isn't open to more than one now.

I kinda of was getting the picture that it could be a ru any which way you went. So we might as well be more open to fostering.

It is motivating to hear that you both were able to adopt. I hope my husband and I get the chance.

Thank you both so much!
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  #5  
Old 10-28-2009, 05:57 AM
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We did straight adopt and never fostered. We too though were open to a sibling group. Our kids were 2,3,4 & 5 when placed with us and we never really saw many issues. Don't get me wrong, there have been things to deal with over the years but nothing way out of control.

My youngest has some learning disabilities but I don't attribute everything to the neglect. He has dyslexia which is genetic and to me, it's not a big deal.

If you think 1 is enough then stick with that. There are single children who need families and you might increase your age up to 5 at least if your husband is agreeable to that.

As far as more responses, this forum doesn't get much action. We can move it to the fost/adopt or another related forum that is viewed more if you like.
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  #6  
Old 10-28-2009, 06:47 AM
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mommytoEli mommytoEli is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crick

If you think 1 is enough then stick with that. There are single children who need families

my 3rd foster only placement came as a single newborn baby. 16 hours old. by the time he was 6 months, he was on the adoption track. we adopted him as a single child as all of his older siblings were with other placements. there ARE single children, but i tend to see them more in foster placements, with their foster parents adopting them. fwiw, later down the road, this son's mom had another baby that we now have as well....so sometimes even single children, don't stay single children. lol.

good luck!
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  #7  
Old 10-29-2009, 06:05 AM
countrychristian countrychristian is offline
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Thank you crick and mommytoEli. I can't imagine the joy of getting a newborn baby. That is wonderful! And crick it's sounds like you had your hands full with 2,3,4 & 5 year olds! What a ladder of ages. Wow. Thats wonderful you were able to have them all. It's so nice to hear from real people! You get told things at the classes and by cw's,but I would rather hear it from those that know.

I belive we are going to stick with just one.. I'm willing to wait years if I have to. I have been wanting to do this for 5 years,what's 3 more? I'm considering uping the age if my dh will. However I might as well try this age range for a year and see if anything happens.

We don't even have our liscene yet and this is still such an emotional battle. I keep opening the door to the room we have all fixed up and imagining that one day there will be a child here. I've been crying over the adoption diaries on tv.....Is anyone else this pathetic?? lol I'm not pregnant but I sure have the hormones like it! I try to stop thinking about it and then I see children everywhere.
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  #8  
Old 10-29-2009, 07:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by countrychristian
Thank you both for responding and telling me your stories. After not getting responses within the first few days I kinda figured it was rare. I also appriciate what you said about not knowing with younger children. I long to be a mommy so bad,but I don't want to do it with out my eyes open. After my cw finally called me back I told him to switch us to adopt thru foster care and have been considering a little older,but my dh isn't. This is my only chance of having a child and I would love to be able to experience the young ages. I have thought many times about siblings,however I think I would be best to start of with just one child. In the future I could see more but I don't want to be overwelmed. Plus my dh isn't open to more than one now.

I kinda of was getting the picture that it could be a ru any which way you went. So we might as well be more open to fostering.

It is motivating to hear that you both were able to adopt. I hope my husband and I get the chance.

Thank you both so much!

Your husband sounds just like mine! He is adamant about only 1 child. Waiting is so hard!
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  #9  
Old 10-29-2009, 08:57 AM
millie58 millie58 is offline
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my 4 were fost/adopt. And the 2 oldest were slated for RU at one point. I had a baby almost 2 years and the hardest thing was when he was RU. When you get a placement, there's no way of knowing, unless TPR was already done. that happened with my 2 youngest.
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  #10  
Old 10-29-2009, 01:06 PM
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Fost/adopt can be tough with the uncertainty and visitations, but I'm so glad we did it. We had 2 short-term placements, but adopted the 3rd. All 3 of them were babies that I picked up from the hospital. Wishing you the best!
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  #11  
Old 10-29-2009, 02:00 PM
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in our county we have foster only homes, concurrent homes, pre-adopt homes....

all families do have to get a foster license because none of the children are legally free and will go into every house still as a foster child even if they go into an adopt home.....I'm an adopt home...and the matches that they make for my home are kids they think are low risk and have the court date already set for termination of parent rights. The court won't tpr where I'm at til the child is in it's adoptive placement. Things can still go wrong...but it's been done. I'm also 0-4 y/o but did consider a 5 y/o match that I received....I think that match fell through still waiting for final word...but I ddin't have her in my home yet.

Good luck
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  #12  
Old 11-01-2009, 05:39 AM
countrychristian countrychristian is offline
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I'm scared about having an ru after being with the child for a long time. I can't imagine the pain after 2 years. If the bp did really get it together and is really making it work might not be as hard,knowing the child is going to be loved and taken care of. However the cases where I hear the child shouldn't have been returned,is what really is sad. I have a friend that fostered a long time ago(before the classes)she took in a baby and loved it. It was returned,1 year passed and the child ended up in the hospital with a broken hip and other various bad things. They called her and she got to adopt him,but the heartache she told me about and the all of what he went thru just breaks your heart.

DannieAS-I hope the adoption works out for you, or the right one comes along soon. How long have you been waiting? Also did they call you for a 5 five year old or did you call them? I was told they could only call with what you list. I would be tempted to say yes to any child they call with,but must stay strong to what my dh and I agreed on. It's a good thing you haven't had her in your home yet if it doesn't go through. However I bet you already had it in your heart and mind and it is still aching! I'll be praying for you.

I hope I'm tough enough to go through what all of you are going through.
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  #13  
Old 11-01-2009, 04:02 PM
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vegaschristina vegaschristina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommytoEli
fwiw, later down the road, this son's mom had another baby that we now have as well....so sometimes even single children, don't stay single children. lol.

This is exactly what happened to us. We brought home and later adopted our daughter. One month later we got a call saying her brother had entered the system so we brought him home. Eleven months later, we brought home their sister.

Currently they have another sister in the system and their birth mom is expecting again. Unfortunately, we decided not to take in any more of the children that I know their birth mom with have...she's only 23 and is already working on baby 5, so I know there'll be more babies.
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  #14  
Old 11-02-2009, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by countrychristian
DannieAS-I hope the adoption works out for you, or the right one comes along soon. How long have you been waiting? Also did they call you for a 5 five year old or did you call them? I was told they could only call with what you list. I would be tempted to say yes to any child they call with,but must stay strong to what my dh and I agreed on. It's a good thing you haven't had her in your home yet if it doesn't go through. However I bet you already had it in your heart and mind and it is still aching! I'll be praying for you.

I hope I'm tough enough to go through what all of you are going through.

Sorry, I was out for the weekend at my folks house so didn't see this til this morning. No they called me to ask if I would consider this match. Basically the homestudy really goes into your home, your lifestyle, so they don't go "out of your age range", however, since this child met all of "my criteria" and just happened to be a few months older than my "wanted age range" my cw called to talk to me about her. They do try to keep in in your age range....like they wouldn't match me with a 10 year old, just because the rest of the homestudy indicates it would be a good home.

Yeah my cw was out last week but we had a conversation that basically said she was going to be advocating for a match for me....

Thank you for the prayers....we all need the prayers we can get. You too can be strong enough.
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Now, I'm forging the journey of newlywed and adjusting to parenting with another person in the mix

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"We are told to forgive and forget ... But I couldn't forgive and I couldn't forget ... Then I realized .. I have a right to remember and I leave the forgiving to a higher being."~ Unknown
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  #15  
Old 11-02-2009, 10:37 AM
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DannieAS DannieAS is offline
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oh and I've been waiting almost 5 months since my homestudy was approved....and it's been a year since I stepped foot into the orientation for fost/adopt.
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I was a crazy single mom by choice to:

L (aka Tigger)

Now, I'm forging the journey of newlywed and adjusting to parenting with another person in the mix

I blog every now and then at http://dannieas.blogspot.com


"We are told to forgive and forget ... But I couldn't forgive and I couldn't forget ... Then I realized .. I have a right to remember and I leave the forgiving to a higher being."~ Unknown
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