[LeighM]

BethanyB I think you said this well.

"I think what people forget in the world of adoption is the actual child. I hear that phrase about what is right for each family - meaning the parents in that family. Many times the child is forgotten. In my mind, it should be her choice to STOP seeing the siblings, not her choice to START seeing the sibling. I think everyone here knows that you do not want her to have a relationship with any members of her bio family. Not the grandmother nor the innocent baby brother. I have a feeling that by the time your daughter is able to make "her choice" your feelings of resentment of them will already have made her decision for her. She will likely do what you want her to do. So I'm sure this situation will work out just fine in the end for YOU. Your child? I'm not so sure."

In regards to this comment:
So when you ask an opinion on something, and you don't hear what you want to hear, it has nothing to do with anyone being mean or not understanding you.


I honestly believe she did not want to even consider opposing views. She just wanted validations for hers. So one day she can say I asked a bunch of adoptive mom’s and went by their advice.


I think this is the other post she is referring to: Being Told from Adoptee Point of ViewIt is interesting reading.

[ejmama]

Our situation has some similarities so I am hoping to give you a little different perspective. My duaghter is now 6 and has bio half siblings...and truthfully will have more eventually. Her bio mom also has many mental health issues. I share concerns with you over self full-filling beliefs and self esteem and will continue to figure out how and what to share about her birthmoms health history. In regards to the siblings, I do think that once our adoption was finalized I had a lot less anxiety about her having a relationship with bio siblings. We do not have court ordered visits and never have. the adoptive parents of her younger bio brother and I have decided on our own that we would like them to have some sort of relationship. I feel that it is in my daughters best interest to know him, have someone in her life that she can look at and see herself a little. She will not ever have the chance to meet her bio mom and I think as she gets older that it will be important to her to know him. It is also helpful for us adoptive moms to chat on occasion about such things as chronic ear infections and behavioral issues.
Our situations do have many differences so I understand your frustration. We were given the oppertunity to adopt the younger brother, but opted not to since he was in a foster home that really wanted him and we had just had another baby placed with us for adoption. we live in a different State then bio sibling, so we are able to share pics and info, with an occasional visit.
I do think it is important for us as adopted parents to try and put our own insecurities aside and remember that regardless of anything these children do come with a past (even if they are 3 days old when they enter our families). We are their parents regardless of anything else or any one else in thier lives. My adoptive daughters know that I am their mommy, that they came out of bios tummy, that they are each others sisters (although not biologically) and that they each have bio brother that came out of bios tummy too. They also have brothers who are their REAL brothers who came out of my tummy. It seems confusing and weird to others but in our family it is normal, unemotional and factual.
I hope all this rambling helps a little. Good Luck