[mbarilla]

So my husband and I have three boys (2, 6 and 8) and we would like to adopt a daughter about 3 years old or under. We want to adopt from foster care mostly because of cost but we are hoping for a caucasian daughter or at least one that is part caucasian and part hispanic. Is this possible? Do you get to specify what you are looking for? Also, is there a chance that she will not have special needs other than the emotional issues of abuse or neglect? I don't expect a perfect little baby of course but would like to know what to expect. How exactly does foster adoption work?

Thanks to anyone who responds!

[countrychristian]

Hi,I just posted a long reply to you,but it didn't go through. I will give you a short response and tell you more later how it works.
Yes you can tell them the age race and sex. We are wanting a cauc.,or his,or asian, girl 0-3. They will ask you this.

Yes the child has been through some kind of hardship or they wouldn't have taken them in the first case. They will tell you all they know that the child has been through.

You have to have a homestudy done,and take 9 classes of foster pride(teachs you what the children have went through and how to handle it,it is taught by someone who knows,our teachers had foster many children and apdopt they were great) that are 3 hours each. You can't miss a class and your hubby must go too. Are's were every monday 6pm-9pm. You have to have physicals you pay for,tb test,ect.

You get liscensed(if you are in the clear)about a month after classes.

So we expect to get liscened by end of this month (October). We started talking to them in June. But classes are only offered so often.

I will tell you more later. There are more older children than younger. We signed up as adopt only. You can choose to foster,foster to adopt,or adopt only.
There goal is to return the children back to the parents. Only if the parents make an effort. The parents rights cant be terminated unless they have had them in custody for around 9 months(i think it is 9 or 6months). So in other words you won't get a baby younger than this unless something really bad has happen like the parent was a murderer and rights were terminated right away.

They will try to convince you to adopt older children.

Hope this helps for now and I can tell you the good and the ugly later

[mbarilla]

Thanks so much. We are looking for realistically a 1-3 year old little girl anyhow so not having a newborn is not a problem. Like I said, I understand children will havre gone through some type of hardship but my husband does not want to take on sever special needs (blindness, cerebral paulsy or severely impaired) at this time. Emotional is one thing and I get that...so thanks again! How long do you think our wait would be...we are ok with 1-2 years.

[mnmomma]

Are you interested in fostering with the hope to adopt if a child becomes legally available or adoption only? The reason I ask is because any time you are the foster parent, there is a chance that the child will be reunified. If you are straight adoption, you'll only accept kids whose parents' rights have been terminated. This can be tricky because if a young child is placed, they try to prevent multiple moves by using foster/adopt homes. Then, the foster parent can be the adoptive resource if necessary. Therefore, kids that are "legally free" are usually older and have had multiple moves.

I would recommend reading a lot of posts in the foster parent support boards here as there is a lot of great info. Good luck to you on your journey!

Edited to add: Depending on where you live, wait for straight adoption of a CC or hispanic girl under 3 with minimal special needs/drug exposure - I'd estimate at least 3-4 years.

[mbarilla]

I am willing to foster then adopt a child that comes my way within the age parameters and obviously a little girl. Is that faster then waiting to straught adopt? Also, I do realize that the goal is for the child to be reunited with it's parents so I guess we'll have to really think if that is something we can endure because I am sure that is really hard!

[countrychristian]

I was going to say earlier that we signed up for adopt only and was not told it wouldn't happen,just that it would be a long wait. That was fine with us,we would gladly wait 3 years for the chance to be parents. Then at the last class we were told to seek a private agency if we wanted to adopt only 0-3. They told us we didn't have much of a chance at all,that we should change it to 0-18. Even though we wouldn't take older,so they could guilt trip us into it basicly. This has broke my heart and I'm thinking about fostering to adopt now,but I don't know how everyone handles losing some of the children they foster. I would be happy for a child to go back to their parents and make a happy life,but it would break my heart. Even if I picked just foster to adopt legal risk,they(dcfs) never know for sure. My husband and I can't have kids of our own.

This forum is very insightful. I was wondering myself if anyone has adopted a cauc 0-3 from foster care as adopt only. Any one?

[countrychristian]

Sorry mbarilla just saw your reply. Only from what I hear yes it is faster because the child has to go in a foster home first,and the foster home has 1st choice. Most foster homes that get young kids adopt them. At least this is what everyone has told me.

I'm debating it myself. I know I would have a much better chance if I can bear the heart ache.

[mbarilla]

Thanks!! I am really thinking foster/adopt or legal risk if I can bear it!
Thanks!
Miranda

[parenting-over-40]

As pp stated, yes you can specify what you are looking for in a child. Of course, that does slow down the process of getting a placement.

Are either you or dh a SAH Parent? When my agency found out I have my own business they recommended I take emergency placements. This moved me up in the chain of getting calls. The downside to this is you probably won't know much about the child's background. However, you could get a lot of information about the child. You just don't know.

BTW, my first placement became my "forever daughter" 11 months ago. She came to me at 4 weeks of age. She is beautiful and she is healthy. The only problem now is she is about 2 months shy of turning 2. I can already tell 2010 is going to be a challenging year in my house but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Good luck with your decision.

[mbarilla]

Paretning over 40,
How was it that she got placed in your home at 4 weeks? How long did you wait and how did it happen? WHat does emergency placement entail? Thanks!

[parenting-over-40]

I can't go into detail. However, she came straight from the hospital. I waited about 2 months after I was licensed before the placement. Before that I had said yes to several possibilities but CPS had chosen another family. Basically, the young ones go fast. So, while my agency was calling me, several agencies and CPS were also calling their people. The first person to say "yes" basically wins (too late to come up with a better word - sorry) when it comes to the real little ones. Since the little ones go fast, you can also give your agency or CPS (Depending on who you work thru) the option to say yes for you. You tell them exactly what you want and if the baby fits those parameters, then they can say yes for you. Then they call you and tell you about the baby. Of course, if the child shows up and is does not fit the parameters you gave them or not what they told you, then you need to tell them "no" before you take the child in or sign any paperwork. If that makes sense.

Emergency placement can be anything from a call in the middle of the night to a call in the middle of the day. It could be a "baby moses" case where bmom dropped the baby off at a local police or fire station. Or, it could be a baby in the hospital for whatever reason. Or, it could be a real young child they found in whatever situation. Basically, they need to place them fast. They may not know everything or they may know a lot about the child.

[CaddoRose]

Our DD who is now 26 months old,came to us in Jan. It was her second time in care. Her mother signed over her rights and named us as the adoptive parents in mid March. Two weeks after that we took Permanent Managing Conservatorship of her, making us her parents and removing the state from any legal guardianship of her. We then preceded to do a private adoption through a lawyer.

She was originally taken into care because of a domestic violence call on the parents when she was 8 months old. She went to foster care family, an aunt and then back to Mom, who had her for about 6 weeks until a judge ordered her back into care and she came to us at 18 months old. The father signed over his rights some time while she was in care the first time. She is CC with curly red hair and blue eyes. Mom has a reduced IQ and just does not understand how to take care of her. She has never experienced any abuse and only mild neglect.

We are a foster family that is open to any child under 9 yrs old, siblings, special needs and didn't care a bit about ethnic group either. We just happened to get the call for her and said yes. There was no guarantee at the time that we would end up adopting her since RU was still in the works. Our story just shows that it can happen.

[mbarilla]

Ok...so maybe I am dumb but I see everyone posting DD and DH...I know it stands for husband and daughter but what is the first D for? lol

[countrychristian]

Thanks,Caddo-Rose and Parenting over 40. I'm starting to feel better about it all. Now I must see if my husband is willing to foster to adopt. I hate to bug him about it,but I don't want to miss a chance. Congrats to both of you on your girls.

mbarilla-there is a link on top where you can find out what the acronyms stand for.(I didn't know either)Dh is dear husband and dd is dear daughter.

But what does this mean Are either you or dh a SAH Parent?

[mbarilla]

I guess she asked if I was a SAH parent...I fugured it out on my own..Stay At Home Parent LOL!!!