[famkethom]

My husband and I have decided to adopt out of foster care. We have told close friends and family of our plans. The second people hear our plan the bad stories start flooding in. Some one knows someone who adopted out of foster care and the child was threatening the family or molesting the other children. The bad stories keep coming but no positive ones. I know that there are bad stories out there but there must be many fantastic ones as well. People just arent as intrested in the good as they are in the bad.

What I would love is if you are a adoptive parent of a former foster child please share your story. Have your children grown up to become productive and happy adults? I think reading your stories will help me as well as other prospective parents.

Thank you!

[Longing2bMom]

I am also in the process of being licensed and am having the same problem. As soon as the word "foster" comes out of my mouth, the horror stories start about a friend of a friend of a friend who adopted out of foster care and how the child destroyed the family. I never quite know what to say to these people, other then to tell them that I have researched my options thoroughly and I am confident in my decision.

It also seems there are a disproportionate large number of people who knows somebody who adopted out of foster care only to have the bio-parents regain custody years later. To these folks, I always explain the difference between foster care and adoption and how, yes, during the fostering period, the parents may reunify with the child and this is a risk we take, but that once the adoption is final, it is truly FINAL. I tell them that if they have ever heard otherwise, it is probably just somebody confused about the terminology.

I would love to read some positive stories here as well.

[fostermomintx]

I have successfully adopted one son who is now 6.5 years old. He was placed with me at 2 years 2 days old. He is a wonderful child and I couldn't be happier. And I am in the process of adopting a sibling group who have lived me with since they were 11 months and six weeks. They are now 3 and 2. And I can hardly wait to finalize their adoptions.

It's been a long journey but well worth it. I have had a total of 11 kids over the last 5 years (I had two placements that were each with me for 8 months). I never thought I would adopt so soon, my son was in care about 4 months when the State decided to terminate the parents' rights. And he was my 3rd placement.

It does happen but you have to be patient and take one step at a time. Just enjoy the kids while they are with you whether they stay 1 week or forever. You will be glad you decided to become a foster parent when you realize how much you have helped a child, even if it is sometimes for only a short period of time.

Good luck!

[myForeverkids3]

Oh my mom in law had a hissy fit when we told her about our 5 and 6 yr old adoptive placement. She was concerned about our then 12 month old DD. (Like we would ever put her in a bad situation!) and we had already had 5 other FKs that had RU'd with family. We had a sibling group that was a real challenge and I know the family saw how stressful it was for us.

9 months later, our kids have proven everyone WRONG! They love their baby sister and are very protective of her. People make comments all the time about how great the older two are with the baby. To people who don't know our story, we look like the all american family! We get compliments in public about how well behaved our kids are. (wish they'd act that way at home!! lol) They call us mommy and daddy and are excited about their adoption and changing their last name. They are my dream come true.

I won't say that it has all been a breeze! These kids have had huge losses and suffered a lot. There will always be an adjustment time. I will NEVER regret not pursuing infertility treatments. This road to parenting has been rocky for us, but seeing where we are now makes it all worth it. I hope we can be the awesome parents that our kids deserve!

[famkethom]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[bobartshir]

I have adopted 5 children (#6 pending) all out of foster care. My oldest is 42, my youngest 15. My oldest is a professional photographer, and, along with his girlfriend, has developed a program to assist at risk middle school students. Next, age 32 is a union heavy equipment mechanic, and father of my only grandson. One child died in an accident 15 years ago- one child continues to struggle with alchohol and drug issues. I have two children in high school- I wouldn't trade these kids, or the experience of raising them for anything in the world. It hasn't been a bed of roses, but it has been the most satisfying life I can imagine. My children were all older child adoptees- the youngest was 5, then 7, 11,12, 15 and 16 when adopted- although not in that sequence. I have not had dozens or hundreds of kids in foster care- I have adopted all but one child who was placed with me, and I would have adopted him if I could.
Go in with eyes open, and no guarantee of of a happy ending, but know that the possibilities are endless, the satisfaction is amazing, and if the path is a little more difficult, like many difficult things, the potential reward is great

[parenting-over-40]

I have adopted one so far. She came to me at 4 weeks old and rights were terminated at 4 months. She is developmentally ahead of schedule and healthy. Interesting point, she looks just like me. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

There are a lot of positive stories about Foster Children. Unfortunately, the negative stories are the ones that hit the news.

Blessings to you on your Foster to Adoption Journey!

[lemonlavender]

I am foster-to-adopting as a single woman, and some of my professional friends just get this worried look on their face when I talk about adopting an older child and make some vague comments about problems bonding with older children. There is a lot of fear out there, and what fun is it to live in fear? I think its important to go back to your core, who you are, and what you know you can handle. This journey takes a lot of fortitude - good luck!

[shaylynn]

I adopted mine (siblings) at the ages of 2, 4, and 6. They are now 9, 11, and 13. Yes, there are days of struggles but there would be days of struggles even with bio kids. Nobody is an angel 100% of the time. I have a sister and brother-in-law that said if they ever do decide to have kids, that they plan on adopting from foster care because, adoption from overseas if too expensive and they don't want a baby. (They said they would want a child(ren) that was already out of diapers and able to talk to communicate with them. Do try to find out as much of the child's history and medical history too so you know what issues may arise and for the ones who think you are crazy, just be civil and give them time to come around, in time they will come to like the kids too.

[rk36]

We finalized the adoption of our 15 year old daughter yesterday. She was placed with us 10 months ago and she is such a sweet girl. We wouldn't trade her for the world. Both families just love her and she has fit in really well. Our birth daughter (B) is16 and looks like my husband, (C)15 looks like me.

She is a typical teen and does alot of the things our bd does. I think they tend to copy each other. The are both very affectionate and love to tell me about their day. They compete for my time alot but we have worked it out.

The most important thing we have learned is treat them as equally as possible and be there when they need to talk. We do not expect (C) to do anything that we wouldn't expect of (B). We are not as hard on (C) about her grades because she does struggle with her classes.

[JJemail1]

One thing I try to educate my non-foster-parent friends on is that the terms "foster care," "foster parents," and "foster children" are, unfortunately, stigmatized. Let's face it, any child going to an alternative home because their biological home is incapable of caring for them is not a good thing. And as the law of averages would support, just as you have a handful of "bad" biological parents, you will have a handful of "bad" foster parents. The problem is, the media tends to publicize bad foster parents more than bad parents (so the cases portrayed versus total actual cases are displayed disproportionately). Not to say we shouldn't publicize ill acts. Just to say that this trend in an of itself perpetuates the stigma--and these stories get twisted and contorted to the point where they become half-truths.

The bottom line is, foster care has a unique set of challenges that every foster parent should anticipate. However, Many people opine that the opportunity to raise a formerly abused or neglected child into a well-functioning adult is as possible (or impossible) as raising a biological child.

As for our experience, we adopted a beautiful three year old who we raised from infancy. When she came to us, she was pretty sick but today you'd never know she had such a rough start. She is smart as a whip (smarter than us by far on most days!), gorgeous, perfectly attached and just the sweetest little girl you could ask for. Caring for and adopting foster children is a wonderful blessing. Had we not said "yes" to this "sick little baby" or had we listened to friends who told us not to get too attached or not to go through with fostering her we would have missed out on the opportunity to be parents to our angel.

You certainly have to put your heart on the line but, even if a foster child doesn't stay you still have had the blessing of positively impacting their life for the time they're with you.

Best wishes on your journey!
Jennifer

[tennessee_dad]

I am a single parent who has adopted three kids from foster care. It has been an OVERWHELMINGLY positive experience for me and for the kids. I adopted my oldest son in 2005 when he was 11. He had been abandoned by his mom into the foster care system when he was 7. Admittedly, the first year was difficult. He had been hurt so badly he was completely convinced that no one would ever love him, so it took a whole lot of patience and understanding on my part of the things he would say and do sometimes. The thing to remember is this: these kids are in a state where their lives are completely upside down. In the case of my oldest son I was adopting him from the state of Oregon, so he was moving 2500 miles across the United States to live with someone he barely knew. New school, new people, new home, new state, absolutely NOTHING familiar. How would any of us react to that? And now, four years later, he is a very happy high school sophomore who loves where he lives, who loves his friends, and who loves his dad. And the story is much the same with my other two sons, who are the biological brothers of my oldest and who came to live with us in 2007. Would I adopt from the foster care system again? In a heartbeat. The vast majority of the kids in foster care just need love, stability, and boundries. The journey to getting them there is not always easy, but it's worth every second of time you put into it. All three of my kids are well behaved and very respectful. Meanwhile, there are other kids in the neighborhood who have been with their parents their whole lives who are smoking pot, being destructive and shoplifting. My kids are not allowed to hang out with them anymore. My kids are the "picture" of kids who "should" be causing trouble like that, and they are not, and they would not.

Chad