[dxf4010]

my husband and i completed classes, ...homestudy, and been approved to adopt, but we only did it for adoption only not fostering. i regret that we did not become foster parents because now i see that a foster parent has first choice to that child if they are willing to adopt. this is really fustrating and it hurts to know that a child fits our family but once the foster parent finds out that a family is interested they decide to adopt. this has happen to us and it really hurts.

[L-A-J-C-R-C]

Hi dxf,

While I understand your frustration, you need to realize that this child has lived with this family for whatever amount of time and, hopefully, has attached to that family. It would be an injustice to that child to NOT give the family the child's been with the opportunity to adopt if the plan is changed to adoption.

The process for foster parents to adopt a foster child is ANYTHING but fast and it is an extremely emotional journey. We have had 2 of our fc for 2 yrs. and 3 months now and we are just beginning the adoption process!

The goal for foster children is always reunification FIRST. Foster parents bring these hurt children into our homes with no thought of adopting them, we're suppose to be working to get them home not adopted. If their plan changes to adoption we are then, and only then, asked if we'd be interested in adopting that child.

I guess I read into your post that you feel the foster parents only decided to adopt that child because an adoptive family has been identified. The truth of the matter is, in some states if a child becomes available for adoption they must be listed on the adoption website even if the foster family intends to adopt that child.

Best of luck in your adoption journey. The child meant to be your child will come to you.

Michelle

[squeek]

You may want to ask for an application for foster care. Since you newly were approved, much of the information they use is the same.

We were approved for adoption in May of 2004, and just recently decided to try fostering. So we're in the process of submitting our application, getting updated physicals, and inspections of home.

IMO: The more doors you open, the better your chances are. You just have to be willing to step into some of them.

[rnckcld07]

We began out as just adopting, but decided we would take the chance for quicker placement and become foster parents first. I worked out in our favor and we are nearing the end of the adoption process. Placement only took 3 months. We did some respite care to get our feet wet. It was a hard decision, I do not know what I would have done if I had to send them back. It is worth the risk, if we would not have been a foster family first we probably would not have the 2 beautiful girls we have now.

[crick]

Just want to say that it isn't always the case that a foster family gets first dibs or is chosen simply because they currently have the child. Of course that does happen and like others have stated, sometimes it is in the best interest of the child to be adopted by the foster family they have already bonded with etc.

We adopted from foster care and did not foster our kids. We found our children within 1 month of looking and within 3 months, they were placed with us.

So it isn't necessarily the way it works as stated. Every child's situation is different. I suggest you keep your doors open to everything but also try this route first. And if changes need to be made, you can do that.

Crick

[ajjhmf]

My advice would be to think about how you would handle it if a child stayed with you for a year or more and was then reunified or adopted by another family member. We did straight adopt because I didn't think I could handle that. But alot of people can, I just knew my own limits and stayed within them. And not all foster parents adopt their foster children when they become available. My son lived in the same foster home for the first 4 years of his life. They'd had him since he was six weeks old and they didn't choose to adopt. He doesn't have any serious problems. He's a great kid with rather normal issues considering. They were just done adopting. They only wanted to foster at that point.

And as far as the length of time to get a placement, that's going to depend entirely upon what your parameters are for placement. What is it you told your SW you could handle? We were open to alot and got a quick placement. I'd talk to your SW and ask them about it. They would be the best ones to answer your questions about time until placement for your area.

Good luck with your decision.

blessings,
Jenny

[leenab]

Trust me we've done fost/adopt and straight foster. Overall it's easier on us to fost/adopt. Foster is long and difficult road or can be short and happy/sad. Both of our Adopted sons were fost/adopt. But we've had 5 foster who moved on. The day our first fdaughter left was very hard on us, and we only had her for 2 months. She's by far been the longest foster placement and we all fell in love with her. My sons adored her, DH wanted to keep her forever and I cried. But we love fostering, it's emotional though.

You have to figure out what you can handle. Fost/adopt may be an option or even pre-adopt. Depending upon which programs your state has.

Hang in there,

LeenaB

[fm22]

I am a foster/adopt home. We found we got placement relatively quickly, but certainly it is the long road and there is always a chance the child will reunify, both mine are legally free but not adopted yet, that is not us but the State. The decision must be yours. My 1st fs has been with us for 2.5 years. erin

[dxf4010]

thanks for all the advice and support that was given.

[mzbrown1]

My husband and myself were in the same shoes as yourself. We have three beautiful boys of our own and we wanted a little princess...God answered our prayers and we took the class and we went for a child in waiting. Our daughter is two years old and we finalize the end of March. I did not want to foster because it would break my heart to give the child back. Do what ever it takes and trust God...He answers prayers!
Good Luck!
mzbrown