[hockeycoachmomo]

Hi and Welcome to the Foster Care to Adoption Message Board! Please feel free to visit often and ask questions or share your foster to adoption experiences.

Michelle

[louise]

I emailed you a little while ago. Your story and experiences sound similar to my own. We too have seven children, 3bio and 4adopted. Two of ours are FAS/E and two others came home to us at older ages with attachment and other issues. They range in age from 15 down to 8. We also do emercency foster care and have adopted transracially!

I will visit here when I can and feel free to visit us at the special needs board here at adoption.com!

[hockeycoachmomo]

Hi, Louise. I remember your email. That is pretty good, considering I have no memory left these days! Our families are so similar, it is amazing. Thanks for posting.

Michelle

[Anitafostadopt]

Hi there. This is my very first time posting in any of these rooms, and I thought I'd start here since you seem friendly and open to questions & new people. I am going through the certification process to fost/adopt two sisters ages 5 to 9 (to be done Nov 1), and I am 39 and a 1st time (single) mom. I've felt "called" to do this all my life, and even though I always pictured being married fostering / adopting children, I am pursuing it as a single working mom who has lots of support from friends & family.

Just thought I'd ask anyone listening for good advice as I prepare to take on this huge lifechanging step. They are doing my presearch now, and I haven't seen any profiles yet, but I know what I want & what I'm willing to handle being a single mom. I live in California.

Thanks..

Anita

[jhmarmstrong]

Hi, Just found this posting, have visited many times but don't always find relatable situations. I have five bio children - youngest are 19 and four foster children i'm trying to adopt. the older threee are bio siblings -- i did a mediation agreement with bio parents which stupidly included monthly visits (no one stopped me !) now we're in court trying to rescind that agreement. This is the toughest job I've ever done in my life. The three are all diagnosed ranging from adhd to attachment disorder to odd. It's been a year since they've all been with me and I see so many improvements but under every level that we seem to heal, repair or just survive through there's another tougher layer. It's hard loving them and seeing them in so much pain, they have such a hard time socially and in school. And at times I get so overwhelmed -- the temper tantrums are tiring, homework takes forever and doctor appointments keep me so busy. The fourth child is 18 months and has been with me since 2 days. He's a doll and so far a calm laid-back "normal" little boy and such a joy. I think his roll is to help bond us all as a family because everyone of my eight other kids just love him so much.
Thanks for posting -- i look forward to more information.

[Anitafostadopt]

It's great for me to hear from other parents, even though every foster / adoptive family has their own dynamics & makeup. Wow. 9 children. No wonder you feel overwhelmed at times! I'm a first time single mother doing this with foster/adopting two sisters (in presearch now). I'm clear about what I want and can handle being single working, and I'm not going to try to be superwoman -- just keep it as simple as I can. Earliest I could see profiles is late November -- am going to wait for the children that seem right for me. I'm only considering kids who already have TPR.

Would love to hear more from you later -- parenting tips are always welcome and appreciated.

Anita
Sunnyvale, CA

[mckenna]

i was a single foster parent, now i am a single foster/adopt parent. the adoption of my 2 1/2 year old son will be final in dec and i am fostering his 1y/o 1/2 sis. it is good to meet other foster and foster/adopt parents.

[Anitafostadopt]

(I love your name!)

Mckenna, what a blessing you are to these children! I applaud you for being single & taking in the younger ones. I would love to do that myself, but i would want to be home with them instead of day care, which is why i'm looking for two sisters ages 5 to 9 so they're schoolage.

I'd love to hear from you what encouragement and advice you would have for me being single and doing this, since it's more rare for me to find others who i can so specifically relate to. i have a lot of support in friends, family & church friends, and am setting up respite and help now in preparation for maybe getting the girls by December.

Take care...

Anita
Sunnyvale, CA

[mckenna]

the more i have been reading about teens and preteens, i think i need to be home during that time rather than now to keep a good eye on them (ha ha). i only take foster children under 2 because as a single working mom, i don't have the extra time many children who have been in and out of the system need. don't get me wrong infants and toddlers need a lot of work and time, but it is a different kind of time. do you have children identified and are just waiting for the transition? routine and schedule has been a great thing for us to function in our busy lives. if you don't have crock pot, buy one, that is such life saver and since i was given the advice to get one, our meals have been much healthier and easier. find a good pediatrician that takes the type of insurance foster children in your area have. they are sometimes hard to find. if you have any questions just ask.

[jhmarmstrong]

I too was concerned with putting foster children into daycare. they have so many transitions already. When my older kids were young I stayed home because I was married -- then I went back to school after the divorce. I found that my teens indeed did need my presence in the house as much as they did when they were younger. I set up a family daycare in my home. This gives me the continued opportunity to be in home with my foster children. I've been here since day two with my 18 month old and am home when the others get home from school.

you are right in thinking under twos are high energy but in a much different way. They don't come with as much baggage of anger, hatred, frustration. All of these kids need so much love and attention. Good respite and friendship and support from people going through it are all essential. Keep the friendships because those are the people you get to go out with and not talk about adhd, medications, eips etc.

Good luck to you both.

[Anitafostadopt]

thanks so much for sharing your story. I love hearing from other parents who can relate to some of what I am facing. I know there will be twists and turns along the way with the girls I end up with-- that is, of course, the way life is. But I am doing all I can now as the time approaches to get good counsel & support lined up for me in help for filling in the gaps while I fulfill work obligations. Some day I'd love to stay home with them. But for now, my company and boss are great, and I will have good flexibility. They'll be in a great school neighborhood and my church has a whole community of foster / adoptive parents from which I can draw support and experience.

Thanks again..

Anita

[Anitafostadopt]

GREAT practical tips for me, mckenna! thanks. Interesting view of taking only infants / toddlers since you're a working single mom. Do you have them in outside daycare or in your home? Good points about how they don't have the emotional backage older kids do, and have a different kind of focus / work requirement. I think, although I love babies and wee ones, that with my personality and interests, I prefer to start out this way with older ones who at least can talk to me and are more physically independent, but who are still young enough for me to have some kind of shaping / influence in their lives before the adolescent years take over. I'm learning a lot through the certification process, and have incredible support & help on many fronts in my life, which is great. I use a crockpot all the time even being single, so i'm convinced! I love it -- and for kids and me working it will be great.

Anita

[laughingmama]

I'm new here too. I had occasionaly posted in the foster care board, but it looks like we're going to get to adopt our baby. So here I am. We just presented the termination case to the DA and they accepted the case. So termination here we come! We have had him for 6 months and are just thrilled to keep him. It's nice to hear all of your stories!
Nicole

[Mistyburak]

Hi! I loved this board!! We are almost finished with getting qualified!! Our home study is next wed. (Oct. 22) every day we get a little more nervous. We are looking to foster/adopt 0-1. What a great feeling though to finally be able to set up a nursery!! This will be my first time as a parent! They stated that we would be ok'd for fostering by Nov. 5 ! It has been wonderful to read what everyone has gone through or what you are about to do. I hope everything goes well for everyone that is in waiting!

[Late Bloomer]

LaughingMama, can you tell me what you mean by "We just presented the termination case to the DA"? We're going into the 5th month with our foster baby and are afraid birth mom is about to relinquish her parental rights to another family, to avoid letting the Court terminate her rights. Sounds like you might have found another option?