[laughingmama]

Hi.
I don't know what state your in but, here in Oregon, at least in my county, when it no longer looks like reunification is likely they present the case to the District Attorney who accepts or declines the case. If it is accepted, termination is imminent. They only accept cases they know they can win. If your bio mom is considering relinquishing her rights I don't think she has a choice of who adopts the baby. I could be wrong. Here, once you have had the child 6 months you can be considered current caretaker. That means you're really considered a relative. In some cases they make an exception and you can be considered current caretaker before the 6 month period. Then you would have to be considered in committee along with any relatives or friends that come up. I recommend you find your states child protective services web site and read everything. They have to make all of their policies public record. This could clue you into rights you may not know you have. Keep me posted!
Good luck!
nicole

[niece]

My husband and I are starting the classes for foster to adopt in November. I am excited and scared all at the same time. I would love to hear about everyone's experiences.
You may email me directly
janieceowens@hotmail.com

[virago750]

Its been quite the "emotional roller coaster ride" for us! We completed the pre-adoptive/foster parent certification process, and were told that we would only be able to have a child that is newborn -2 years old placed with us, because at the time, our youngest daughter was 2 1/2. They did not want to disrupt the birth order of our family. They related it could be up to a 2 year wait for a child in that age bracket. Well 6 months later, my wife got a call one day saying they had a baby for us, and told us to go get him! We were like, what about the disclosure meeting we are supposed to have first? They related that what we learned in the classes, didn't necessarily happen in real life, and told us that he was at the hospital, and needed to be discharged a.s.a.p. We ended up having a mini disclosure meeting via the phone instead. This was at 12:00 noon. We picked up "Mikey" that afternoon at the hospital at 4:00 p.m. He was just 4 days old. We were told of Mom's past history, and were assured that it shouldn't be a high legal risk situation. Well, a few months later, the social worker called us and related that it might be a good idea to preparing our 3 daughters, because there was a good chance "Mikey" might be going back to Mom, cause she was following her service plan. We were so devistated! Mom had been also seeing "Mikey" 1 hour a week via a supervised visit @ DSS headquarters. Well, shortly after, Mom fell off the wagon and started to have dirty drug screens, didn't complete any of the required programs/classes, didn't keep her job ect... Mom then stopped showing for visits with Mikey. DSS couldn't find her all summer, but she re-appeared in early september, and was still seeking custody. She relates that DSS was stopping her from seeing Mikey?? Well the case went before a judge eventually, and mom's parental rights were terminated. Approx. 4 months later, the adoption was a reality!

About 1 1 /2 years later, we were notified by DSS that mom had another baby. Like our adoptive son, mom and baby tested + for drugs at birth, and the baby was taken away from birth mom at the hospital @ birth. We were asked if we would be interested in adopting the baby girl? My wife and I said yes. We couldn't bare to see them seperated, since they were full brother and sister. Currently we are fostering her pending the legal process of terminating mom's parental rights and ultimately the adoption. This time the process is going rather fast since DSS can't find the birth mom.

We put alot of research into the subject of adopting a child. There were alot of pros/cons realitive to adoption abroad vs. domestic adoption through a private agency vs. adopting a foster child through a state agency. For us, adopting through a state agency was the best choice. Rather than spend $15,000-$30,000.00, we chose to board the "emotional roller coaster" of a legal risk adoption instead of paying the big money. In addition, the state PAID US every month while the child was in foster care! Also, there was a good trackable medical history on the child and both parents. Also there are monies available through the state, if the child needs special care. Most children abroad have a minimal medical record or none at all at intake. Some agencies abroad don't even know who the parents are? If the child needs special help down the road, the agencies abroad won't help you...
Again, this was our choice. Alot of people would not be able to endure the "emotional roller coaster" as well as the long drawn out process of our legal system, so they might favor domestic adoption through a private agency or adoption abroad...

[Layneebug]

My husband and I are interested in becomming foster/adopt parents. We have 2 children of our own, that are ages 9 months and 2 1/2. We have thought about doing this for a long time, and we also thought about waiting for ours to grow up, however we want more children, but we have to much trouble having them, so we decided it would be nice to adopt a child/children that are close in age with our own, so they can all grow up together. we have no idea where to start on this journy and would like some advice.. I appreciate any information that can be given.. Thank you!

[PrayingMammaof4]

I too am new to this site and I would like to introduce myself.
My name is Heidi and I have adopted 4 beautiful children. I have a wonderful christian husband.
We are in the midst of trying to foster another baby, it is very discourageing because it isn't happening as fast as I want it to be.
I am very interested in being able to share my views and stories with ya'll and I would so much like to hear yours.
God Bless

[LisaB5]

Hi,
This is my first time posting as well. I feel like I have been eves dropping for quite a while. All of the info I have taken in has been a great help. Now I have a question. My dh and I are almost done with our homestudy. We have the final visit on Wed. We are doing fost/adopt. I am so excited, I shared this with a friend at church this morning. He pulled me aside and gave me a harsh warning. We have 5 bio kids and 3 of those are still at home, 17, 15 and almost 3. He suggested that I get as much info on the parents as possible due to the fact that bad genes carry on into the kids. He said that him and his wife were foster parents for many years and found that even if the child was under 3 years old, the traits of the parents come through in the children sometimes no matter how great their new family raises them. I should say, good traits as well as bad. I was just wondering if anyone out there had comments on this subject.
It's great to here everyones stories.
LisaB5,

[jhmarmstrong]

I have a two year old who's been with me since birth -- parents have mental health issues and drug addiction problems. So far he is perfect. We see none of the evidence of behavior problems that his bio-siblings exhibit. I think a lot of what we see as behavior problems in foster care is Reactive Attachment Disorder. If you get a child under three who hasn't attached, you must attend to that need -- the problems will arise if you don't teach this child to attach and become an empathetic human being.

There are genetic mental illnesses, I had a child whose mother was schizophrenic. I am pretty sure she exhibits some of the tendencies to be also. The foster care system will not reveal the mother's health history until you've signed the intent to adopt. (I found out by a therapist who was not supposed to reveal the information)

If you are looking for an infant, you may be best off waiting for a newborn. If you take one a little older, be ready to stay home with the child, spend time bonding and give them a good chance at a good life.

[PrayingMammaof4]

I do think that their parents traits do follow them. But I dont' say that to ward you offf of taking in any children. My youngest boy was born alcohol/crack addicted. His mother is Bi-Polar among other emotional disturbances and his dad has an extremely bad temper.
At the age of 5, he is starting to show these emotions. He has already been diagnosed with ADHD and in March we take him to a psychiatrist for Bi-Polar or why he has these aweful temper outburst/rages.
My oldest has traits just like his Bio dad. And my oldest daughter has attachment disorder, I never knew her mother, but she is very stubborn.
My baby is spoiled, but that is no ones fault but my own.
I do believe that they also take on our personalities. I always joke to everyone that I am dealing with someone elses GENES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But then again who knows how they wouldbe if they were my GENES~!!!!!!!:-)LOL
You have to give it a try, I do think the youngest ones are better to deal with rather than the older ones

[LisaB5]

Thank you both so much for your quick responses. I was definitly not detoured by this information, I was just concerned and wanted more information. Since I still have a little one at home who will be raised with this new little one. I feel so extremely fortunate to be going into this wonderful adventure as an experienced mom. Actually, a lot of the behavior that I hear about from fp and ap, I have experienced with my children when we went through a divorce 10 years ago. I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for us. Thanks Again.

LisaB5 ~Still getting ready and waiting for our new addition(s)

[mom to 3]

Genetics are one of them, as well as, environment, trauma, nutrition, in utero exposure to alcohol and drugs.
I have two adopted children. One has been with us since age 5 1/2 and had experienced neglect, trauma and poor nutrition, in utero exposure etc. While he has had counselling and is a work in process, most of the time he is the best behaved of his friends. His bio brother has been with us since he was 4 days. He had limited supervised access that would not constitute trauma. He has been a handful since he could get around. His very determined and strong willed personality is very disruptive. He did have a time when he was returned to bio mom for 5 mths and did exp. real trauma then but most of his personality was visible before this event. I know that it was noticeable very early on. It must be due to genetics and exposure.

If we look at the characteristics that probably the parents had, poor impulse control, predisposition to addiction to alcohol or drugs, probable ADHD or ODD, then it is more likely that the children will possess some of these same issues. My family has some genetic issues too though and all we can try to do is help them learn to cope with their issues and be the best 'themselves' they can be.

[l_jane_b]

My husband and I are just starting the foster to adoption process, and I have a lot of questions that only people like you can answer truthfully. I know that things are different from state to state, I'm taking that into account.

We are a young couple, I will be 25 next month and my husband just turned 29, so we are hoping to foster/adopt a child under five, the younger the better. From your experiences, are there alot of children that young that need homes, or are they usually placed fairly easily?

I stay at home, so I have plenty of time to give, and we have no other children, and I have done a lot of research on everything that goes with adopting different children, but does anyone have any advice for a young couple just starting the process?

Thank you for any help you can give.

[elizabeth j. Re]

Hi there...I am an adoptee looking for my sister and she was with foster parents until her adopition 11 yrs later.. Non id info says she was with them until she was adopted... I'm thinking she has to know she is adopted and she would have been in the education system with her birth name(I only have initials).. or were they allowed to give her a different name?? She was born in1951 and adopted in 1962. If any one might have an answer i would be grateful, Have been searching for over 15 yrs. You can e-mail me at Liz15220@aol.com. I am in Pennyslvania.

bless

[Joyfulrose]

Hi,
I am new to these boards but I am considered a veteran when it comes to Fostering. My husband and I have fostered about twenty-five kids since early 1999. We are adopting a thirteen year old that has been in our home for about eight months now. She has anger management problems but is growing everyday and getting better. She is beautiful and I would not consider anything but keeping her. My husband and I have one bio son who is 2 1/2. He loves his big sister and looks forward to when she comes home from school. I am hoping to find a baby from the foster system to adopt as well. We have always loved haaving a big family. We have fertility problems so we cannot have natural. We have attempted numerous adoptions but always lost to another family member. We were never educated much on this subject because family reunification is precident here. They do not terminate aprental rights until they are in an adoptive placement they want no orphans in our county. We have been willing to take sibling groups as large as five before. And still will if the need arises.
We are dedicated to giving kids a good life.

[DinPAis2adopt]

I just want to say thanks for all of the insight we have seen here, and thanks again for the willingness to all of you great people who give so much to help these innocent kids that other people let go.

As far as my family, we have just been blessed with a foster son who could end up being our adoptive son! We had been approved for Foster Care almost a year ago, and for whatever reason we never got a child placed with us. In Jan 04, we decided to go to another agency and pursue adoption. We were approved in May, and have been searching for a son. The waiting is the worst part! We had sent a letter to the Foster agency to inform them that we had decided not to foster any more, and we all of a sudden got a call asking for us to take a boy (just a little older than we were looking for, he just turned 10) the next day(!) and that he would soon be up for adoption! He spent the weekend with us and he is fantastic! Here we go!

[margie360]

Hi,
I'm new to fost-adopt and to this forum. We currently have a 5 month old baby boy that we are hoping to adopt, things are looking a little hairy though with the bio mom. any support would be great