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Originally Posted By CPMommy

My Husband and I have a bio-Son aged 2 years. We expected to adopt a baby girl but changed our mind when we saw the story of these three children. The children are ages 10, 11, and just turned 13.

We have heard all kinds of negative things to expect from people that have never adopted older children. Has anyone out there actually adopted children older than you Bio-kids? Or teenagers? HOw have things worked out? How long did it take for them to trust you? What techniques did you use to help them feel comfortable?

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Originally Posted By Mom of an adopted teen

We adopted a teen-aged girl almost a year ago. She has been with us for over 1 1/2 years. She was in care for 3 years when she was adopted. She has been a wonderful addition to our family. She seems like she has been with us since birth. We first met her at the age of 12. She came to live with us at the age of 14. We adopted her at age 15.

Other friends of ours have adopted teen siblings, had been more homes and in care longer than our daughter. They have been with them almost a year. Those in care longer, and in more homes, take more adjustment time...they are adjusting.

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Originally Posted By Brook

Dear CPMommy,

I had 2 sons and then adopted 4 daughters from Korea. Their ages at adoption were, in the order of adoption... 6 months, then 5 years old, then 10 years old, and the last daughter adopted was 15 years old and in the 10th grade. They could speak almost NO English, so obviously the situation was so very different than yours.

My concerns are:

*How old are you and your husband? Are you truly prepared for such a drastic change to your lives, your lifestyle, and your finances?
*Are your ages such that the oldest child(ren) will see you as a parent and not simply as an older sibling?
(When I adopted my 15 year old daughter, she had a 13 year old sister who'd been adopted by a couple aged 22 & 25. To this date she has NEVER called her parent 'Mom'...because she can't relate to her that way.)
*I would wonder if you're making this decision from your heart and not from your brain. You've absolutely GOT TO use the brain when making the final decision also. Don't let the heartstrings be the determining factor here.

This I know:

*It generally takes six months to a year for everyone to find their niche. It would if Grandpa came and moved in with you, or if your sibling died and you took in her kids, etc.
*You will feel extremely guilty because you won't ever again have the same amount of time to devote to the toddler you have now.
*You'll have a tremendous amount of extra work with the addition of 3 more children. Are you ready for it? How do you handle stress?

As for me, my kids are grown and I'm in the beginning stages of adopting more children. They'll all be in their teens and from the USA this time.

I wish you the very best. Your heart is in the right place.

Brook (QuikSmyle@aol.com)