[Rinata]

I've been sent the homestudies for the 3 families being considered for my fs, with the intent for adoption. My concern is that after reading them all, I really like one of the families and would love for him to go to them. The other two families, I just can't understand why they are interested in him. They already have so many kids (6 and 9). The age difference between my fs and the youngest they each have is 3 and 7 years. The other family has so much more to offer. I really feel that of all the people that get to vote on a family, I know my fs the best. I'm the one who has lived with him for past 15 months and based on what I know I feel like I know which family would be best for him. There are things about the other two families that make me wonder why they are even being considered.

How much say do I really have and how persuasive can I be in my opinion on this? I don't want to over step my boundaries but I also don't want to under advocate for him.

What has been your experience in this, especially if you have felt very strongly about the family your child should go to???

I do plan on talking to my cw to see what she has to say about it, but I also want to hear from other fp that have dealt with this.

[o2b30again]

What is wrong with a large family? If this is the only reason you are doubting these families I am encouraging you to reconsider. I have 8 children. All living at home. 6 came through adoption. We are always open for other children to love and that need a family. We were also already considered for another sib set through the same county we recieved our children from. The deciding factor wasn't the number of children in our home but the fact that legally we had to finalize one of our placements before excepting another. I believe that we have changed how others look at larger households.

We are great parents. Great advocates for our children. Have TONS of experience with all the baggage that comes with being "in the system" We are professional parents. We MAKE time for all our children. Am I exhausted? Sure some days. Would I change it? Nope.

Please don't judge a family because of the number of people in it. Some kids do better in larger homes. Also three years isn't a big difference. There is 5,6 and 12 years between myself and my sisters and we were all planned. If a family is spacing out the children there is a good chance that they are making certain to have the time and dedication to that child. Maybe there other children that need to have children substantially younger in the home. There are lots of reasons for a larger gap in ages. On the flip side I realize that there are also children that would benefit from in homes where they are the only children.

Maybe you could ask the question outright...Why are you interested? All the worker would have to do is ask them. I am certain they would have uniquely different answers to that question. You may just be surprised by the answers.

Just don't let the why question or your our opinion on larger families hinder you in your opinion of what is best for your FS. After all it will be his family. As to how much to advoate for him. I would state your concerns. As far as how much strength your vote carries I believe this all depends on the review board and how strongly others on the case feel. It doesn't hurt to just state based on the information I have recieved I would pick... but if I had more answers to these questions I may see things differently. If this isn't the case just state what you like about the family you have chosen. Voice all their strengths that are a good fit for your FS. Be ready to answer why the other families wouldn't be an exceptible home for him.

Just go with your gut and it will all work out for your FS

[Larue]

How great that you have input into selecting the family. Large and small families have their own advantages and disadvantages. You know FS best, so I would just go with your gut on what you think would work best for him. Best wishes in your decision!

[mommytoEli]

i have 5 kids, with room for one more. just because we are a large family does not mean we do not have more to give or share. our children get a ton of attention, and everything we do is child centered. there are no date nights for us.....a good date night is a fancy meal with our whole family and then a family movie or wii game tournament. our children, for the most part, love eachother. they get along and like to hang out. many of them BEG for one more sibling. (the youngest is too young to beg ). why do i want more? i just do. why does someone with only 2 kids want more? i think everyone just has a different limit. mine is 6.

i will adopt again. i have always wanted 6 kids. what is funny.....is that i do not feel like i am a large family. i feel our family is normal. lol. i am only reminded our family is on the large size when i talk to my friends and they complain about how their two kids are making them tired and want to know how we do it with five. lol.

i have several friends with 9 plus kids, and one friend with so many kids i lose count. these are all amazing families with happy children who enjoy having so many people to be with.

anyway, i just wanted to share that some families just like being large families, and would like to be larger. i think it is ok if you feel your fs NEEDS a small family. but don't discount a family just for being large. many of us are just normal loving families....who happen to drive a larger car. lol.

[chloroxsis]

I don't know how much they will weigh your decision, but I suspect it will have quite a bit of weight. However, I do think you will need to have some real valid reasons for excluding families. Size alone may not be the issue. It's sort of like excluding someone because they are single. You can do that if the child requires two parents, but otherwise, it's just prejudice.

I was told in my Best Interest Meeting that the foster mom, child worker, state worker, therapist, and adoption worker would all be making the decision, and my worker will be presenting me.

You may want to read the paperwork, but also wait to hear what is added in the presentation.

Good luck! How nice that three families want that child! Only a gazillion more and we will have a home for every child!

[Rinata]

These 3 families were chosen from about 20 homestudies they received. I don't have anything against large families per say. I just know my fs craves a lot of one on one attention. Whenever he is in a situation where there is a lot of children he tends to just withdraw. I want him to be able to get the kind of attention he's used to getting.

There was way more than just the fact that these two families had so many children, but also the one family talked about all the hands on stuff they do with their kids. The things the children are involved with that I know my fs would love.

One family money was an issue. Without the subsidy they said they couldn't adopt. All of us know that subsidy is not a sure thing. Politicians can do away with it and they try.

The other family talks about how the father feels unappreciated. He comes off as being over stressed by all the children they have.

That's just some of the things that bothered me about the homestudies.

I only want what I feel is best for my fs. I want him to have all the opportunities that a child deserves.

[o2b30again]

What you stated was a completely acceptible answer and is what you should state to the board when making your recommendation. All are very solid points. Don't worry about anyone elses opinion because you are still his foster mom and your job is to advocate for him. Until the day comes that he moves on to his forever home, well...they better be ready to hear your opinions Best of luck. I can't imagine being in your shoes.

[Shelly77]

IMO, a foster mom that states her opinion on the future adoptive family is doing what she believes is best for the foster child.

Our Princess's foster mom made her opinions well known in the process. She is very confident in our abilities to parent Princess and she tells Princess that she has read our file and believes we are a good fit for her, and great parents for her.

So, my only advice is to share your opinions and thoughts with the case worker....and then let them decide. However, if they decide differently than you would have, please respect their choice and support the transition as best you can. Your foster child may need you to support the move in order for it to be successful.