[Shelly77]

I am feeling a little guilty. Our daughter to be "Princess" is moving in with us on the 12th of November. Our caseworker asked us today to fill out a form for a Christmas wish list for her. It will be for things that Princess may want or could use for the holidays. Since she is moving in with us as an adoptive placement, I'm feeling a little guilty about accepting gifts for her rather than just giving her what we can afford to do ourselves.

Am I alone? Should I just decline to fill out the form? I am grateful that people are willing to help but feel guilty if I'm taking from someone else that could use the extra.

[mommytoEli]

i always let social services give gifts, sometimes they didn't even ask. last year's christmas gift to our then foster baby just showed up on my doorstep. lol.

i think you could probably say thank you so much, but i'll make sure she gets what she needs. but they may still insist.

for me, the very first christmas was the christmas i welcomed the gifts the most. we were hemorraging money for three new kiddos, 2 with winter birthdays, all who needed new winter wardrobes. it was nice to get one extra gift for the kids....i still remember my son's gift- a bouncy seat...THAT was a lifesaver.

[txwannabemom]

Girl get those gifts for your baby. She doesn't have to know where they came from. Santa? You got the rest of her life to be buying up stuff for your Princess!

And now out of the country: I think it's fine. By this time next year you will have finalized and won't have that resorce anymore. Let those gifts keep a little extra cash in your pocket for gas money for Xmas light drives and cookie dough! What a great bonding time!

[sunnyrobins]

Our FS is a pre-adoptive placement and we are going on 3 months now without the APA due to a few errors in how docs were previously filed. I had been wondering if they would contact us so he could do a wish list - not yet. But we did get a form in the mail from his agency asking if we wanted to "adopt" a child for Christmas to buy presents for a foster child - I am wondering if we got on the wrong mailing list - lol

[cecegarrett]

Remember that the agency has a budget too.. but unlike ours.. if they dont spend it, that's when they get into issues. Take the gifts and let them spend the money.. b/c if they dont spend it all down by the end of the year.. they will not receive the same amt next year.

I hope that makes a lick of sense....

[parenting-over-40]

When my AD first came to me (as my FD) straight from the hospital, the hospital gave me a couple hundred dollars worth of items for her. Plus my agency bought her some clothes.

Like you, I felt guilty taking all these gifts at the time. I realized later that this wasn't about me and what I could provide for her. This was about the baby and what they (the hospital and the agency) wanted to do for her.

Now, I do my best to pay it forward. For the 2nd year in a row, I have taken my daughter back to the hospital to thank the doctor's, nurses, etc for taking good care of her. They love seeing a success story. We also take plenty of items for the newborns with a rough start. In addition, we make a donation to the agency for items they need.

I no longer feel guilty about the items she received. However, I do enjoy teaching my daughter about the importance of giving to the community.

[mommytoEli]

good point over40. we did something similar the year our kids were adopted. we went and bought gifts for the kids still at the group home they came from. it was LOTS of fun for us to be on the OTHER end, and neat that my kids got to be the givers rather than the receivers.

[cottonlily]

I think the point is that ALL children get something for the holidays. If you're buying for Princess that's great and I would probably feel the same as you - the extra gifts could go to another child who otherwise wouldn't get any. I would let the agency know they can use Princess's share to help others. However, they informed you about the list while knowing she's coming to live with you so you shouldn't feel guilty if you do accept a gift. You could add necessities to the list, rather than toys. That way Princess has something you need for her and things she may want.

[arbuckle17]

This is part of the giving spirit. My organization gives money to specific cause of providing christmas gifts for kids in foster care. Additionally, my neighbors give us hand me down toys, and clothes.

Some of the gifts have been fairly large, and i was a bit set back by them but the children of my neighbors who were giving up their old toys were so proud to know they were helping kids in need that I couldn't deny them that privlage.

Take them and remember you are a wonderful person for the service you are doing that kiddo, this is just a way for others to feel like they are part of that same cause.

[o2b30again]

i am in the same boat. I was just given paperwork for a Thanksgiving Dinner and for Christmas presents. I was also torn about using it. This is what I came up with that has helped. One- I don't want anyone to think that we are unappreciative of the thoughtfullness of these programs Two- if people don't use this services they will be terminated. Three- I shouldn't feel guilty because I am doing nothing wrong. It is like using WIC. It is a service available for those that qualify. This year we are going to give it a try. We will see how it works out.