[shannobananno]

Hello all! DH and I are actually considering adopting a sibling pair form the foster care system (probably out-of-state) under the age of 11. I have been skimming various threads and have read that many have waited quite a while to be placed. I had no idea it was difficult to be matched. I have been looking at photolistings on adoptuskids.com and have noticed many of them were looking for a family in which at least one parent has a very flexible schedule in order to take the children to therapy, various appointments, etc. We are in our 30's and have no children.

We would be starting the training and home study process in a couple of weeks. I'm getting to my question:-) I am finishing graduate school in a few months and am supposed to start a job in January (no overtime, close by). However, I would prefer to just be a SAHM. On the one hand, I would like to be able to say in my profile that I'm not working so that I might not have to wait as long if they prefer a stay at-home parent. However, I do not want to decline the job and then just sit around waiting for a match for like a year. Do you think being a current "homemaker" would help us to be chosen sooner? Oh, decisions, decisions.

Thanks so much!!!!!

[CaddoRose]

It can depend on the CW, but being a SAHP isn't usually a high priority in placing children. Theyare looking for a family that is suited to the needs of the child(ren). Some kids need a SAHP, but most don't.

[shannobananno]

So when they say that they are particularly interested in families in which one parent has a very flexible schedule, you don't think they're insuating that they are looking for a SAHP?

[joskimo]

If you are looking at kiddos with a high amount of special needs, flexibility in scheduling would probably be important. But for kids without special needs, SAHM is probably irrelevant to the SW

[Longing2bMom]

I am a single woman hoping to adopt from foster care (locally). I was told by my social worker that the fact that I work full time will definitely make it harder for me to get a placement. Surprisingly, she didn't think it would matter to most placement workers that I'm single if I could find a way to stay home. Since quitting my job is not an option (I wish it were!), I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that it all works out.

Would it be possible for you to accept a job, but make it clear in your portfolio that you will stop working upon being matched with a child? That way at least you're not just sitting around waiting.

[c.a]

Originally Posted by shannobananno

I have been skimming various threads and have read that many have waited quite a while to be placed. I had no idea it was difficult to be matched.

Matching families to children in foster care should be difficult. This is not just about finding kids for folks who want to parent. This is about finding families for children who have experienced significant trauma and abuse. We're not matching socks here.

With adoption from foster care, I don't think that the wait has much to do with whether or not you are working. It has more to do with what kind of legal risk you are willing to take and what kinds of issues you are willing and prepared to handle.

Are you only willing to accept kids who are already legally available for adoption? If yes - there are plenty waiting so the question becomes: what kind of issues are you willing to accept? Medical issues? Reactive attachment disorder? Drug/Alcohol exposure? Over the summer I turned down two placements because their medical issues were too complex for two working parents to manage.

If you are willing to accept a child who is not yet available for adoption - what kind of legal risk are you willing to take? Last year I had a baby boy I would have loved to adopt. He was in my home for 7 months and is now successfully reunified with his mother. Six weeks after he left, I accepted a baby girl. We have no idea whether she will reunify or become ours forever. MY wait from teh day he left to the day she arrived was about six weeks (and I turned down two in the interim)

While I have been anxious about when the next placement wil come, in retrospect I have never truly had a long wait for a placement.

Be patient. Good luck.

[shannobananno]

We are not going to be foster parents. We are doing straight adoption from waiting children in the foster care system across the country. The only need for foster parents in my county is for teenagers and we aren't prepared (or old enough) for that. We are expecting to take on fairly significant behavioural problems because these are children the local foster parents decided not to adopt. Our agency does have a great reputation for support. I expect to learn a lot from training, meet others for support, and do a lot of reading on my own. I'm not saying I'm not anxious. lol.

[crick]

While it doesn't mean one needs to be a stay at home parent, it means your job needs to be extremely flexible. (own business, very understanding boss, work from home, only p/t etc.)

I would go ahead and start your job and as suggested above, make sure that your file states that you are willing to be a sahm if children will require that.

[cottonlily]

I work FT and will continue to do so after we adopt. All working parents have to have some amount of flexibility in their jobs - things do happen. But I understand that I am expected to be at work regularly without continuous interruption. Therefore I know that I could not parent a child with severe mental or physical abnormalities. I don't have the flexibility to in my work schedule to make weekly doctor, therapy and/or counseling appointments.

I think you should just be upfront with the social worker. If you aren't working right now put that on the profile. If you are working and want to continue doing so they need to consider that. If you plan on being a SAHM mom after placement tell them and they can adjust their placement plan accordingly. There are thousands of waiting children who are not on the photo listing site. Not all there have special needs but many do. It's not a very good representation of the children waiting. Many are placed before being in care long enough to make it to the site. So take that into consideration - just because you are adopting through foster care you don't have to be a SAHM if you would rather work.

[triciansil]

we are doing straight adoption through the foster care system. We were placed with our children just a little over 1 month from the time we got our license. One of the issues the CW had with our profile was we both worked full time so we debated on wether or not one of us should stay home, we ended up stating we were both working full time and we were still chosen so it all worked out. There are so many other factors that come into having a match and to be realistic, now adays most 2 parent households both work!

If you are looking at the online photolistings and not going through your state to adopt, most of the kids listed are on those sites because they have many special needs which may require a SAHP. Our adoption agency would not even let us inquire from any online photolistings.

[greenmama]

Our experience was that me being a SAHM was a huge plus...especially when talking about babies and young children. Our CW won't place an infant with a working mom.

[peregrinerose]

My husband and I both work full time, and quitting my job is absolutely not in my cards. Partly financially, but even if we hit the lottery tomorrow, I'd still keep my job because I love what I do (optometrist).

However, with the exception of 8am-2pm at the very longest, there is always an adult home due to our work schedules... we both may work long days and we both have a 1+ hour commute, but we make things work with regard to appointments. Our son has 1-3 appointments a week and he's 'normal'... there's the county case worker monthly, the agency case worker every 2-3 weeks, therapy every week to two weeks, doctors appointments every other month or so, etc.

For your profile, just be yourself, be completely honest. It's only yourself you'll hurt in the long run by trying to be something you are not, whether SAHM at this point or anything else.

Oh, and 30s is not too young for a teen. Our son is 16, my husband is 36, I'm 35.

Jen