[beav]

We have 5 children bio and adopted and I long for one more. OUr 5th child was adopted as a newborn and it was such an amazing and wonderful experience and I so want to do that again, but due to financial concerns we cannot afford another agency adoption.
We have considered also fostering to adopt but I have 3 major concerns....
1. I dont know how we would handle falling in love with a child placed with us and then having them return to birthparents if I knew it was not a good situation.
I work with chilren with special needs and I know how some of the home circumstances can be and it brakes my heart that some of these kids will never know what "love" and "family" should be like. I cannot imagine having a child live with me for a length of time and then having to return them to that kind of enviornment.
2. I am also concerned about this risks of behavior issues such as RAD or sever behavioral issues as I know these children require ALOT of extra care and time and different styles of parenting and with such a big family I am concerned that we would not be able to provide that extra care they would need.
3. I am such a "baby person" and long for another infant and I know that is unlikely in a foster situation.

I know we could provide a loving home for any child who needs a family, but because of my concern with how we would deal with a child being returned to a "not so good" situation AND because of our increased concern with a child having behavior issues we may not be equiped to handle, I hestitate to begin the journey of foster parent.
For those who have done this...what are your thought.

[Rinata]

I am adopting the baby I was placed with at 4 weeks of age. By the time the adoption is final he will be 13 months. Infants do get placed but just as any child from the system there is never any guarantee. I have had two different placements of infants. Both I was told that the likelyhood of them being reunified was extremely small. The first child was ru when he was 5 months old. With him I had a gut feeling the first time I met the parents that he would go back. Of course the second infant I am adopting. It can be a heart breaker but you have to remember that you still get the opportunity to be a part of a child's life even if for a short time. Being a part in baby E's ru was very rewarding for me, I was very proud of his birthmom for getting herself together.

On the flip side the journey to adoption with baby J has been very emotional for me since I basically knew he would never be ru'd to his parents, I had the worry about kinship taking him. For this reason I don't plan on making this journey again with another child unless his bp have another child. Even then unless I am able to take on another infant based on where I am in my life at the time(I'm going back to college in the spring) I won't take another child. The fear of losing him was more than I care to do again. So after this I plan to no longer be a foster parent.

Some people have many children placed with them before there is one that stays and is adopted. You definetly have to go into this with your eyes wide open and your heart guarded. If you do choose to take this path just know that most likely there will be hurt in your future and you also have to think about the loss your current children are going to feel when a child they have learned to accept as their own leaves.

Good luck to you and I hope you make the right decision for your family. My advice learn all you can and talk to all the fp you can about their journey's.

[Withay]

1. I dont know how we would handle falling in love with a child placed with us and then having them return to birthparents if I knew it was not a good situation.
I work with chilren with special needs and I know how some of the home circumstances can be and it brakes my heart that some of these kids will never know what "love" and "family" should be like. I cannot imagine having a child live with me for a length of time and then having to return them to that kind of enviornment.

Yes, there is always the chance that a child will be reunited with his/her birthfamily. After all, that is what fostercare is all about - reunification.

That said, in my personal experience (and I am by no means saying that this is the norm or will be anyone else's experience) I have had only 3 of more than 100 children ru'd and remain with their family for more than 3 months. Many of my former fc have gone to relative placements or adoption.

2. I am also concerned about this risks of behavior issues such as RAD or sever behavioral issues as I know these children require ALOT of extra care and time and different styles of parenting and with such a big family I am concerned that we would not be able to provide that extra care they would need.

When you are filling out the paperwork to become foster parents there is a section where you indicate what types of emotional/behavioral/medical issues that you would be willing to accept. Of course, there are those times that dhs is unaware of all the issues of a particular child upon placement. Many families are not forthcoming with much information regarding their child(ren) upon removal from the home.

3. I am such a "baby person" and long for another infant and I know that is unlikely in a foster situation.

There are many infants placed into foster care who end up being adopted. Currently, I have 2 in my home that are available for adoption. One I am adopting and possibly the other.

Yes it is hard when children return home or move to a relative, but the way I look at it is that I have given them a loving home for the time they were with me. Even if the next place is not exactly what I would choose for them, I believe that God has a master plan for each child and He is protecting them. I don't let the children go, God does that for me. I am an adult and can handle it, but the child can't on their own. That is what I am here for. Just my opinion.

Blessings on your journey whichever way you decide to go.

[teachermomof3]

Just a thought about your bio kids, ours were 7 and 3 when we started this process and we were extremely honest with them every step of the way. As hard as it was to answer questions like "will he be our brother even if he doesn't live with us?" and "will he be with us at Christmas?" I wouldn't change the way we handled anything. I could cry in front of them when it all stressed me out and we would sit down and say a prayer together that N would be in the best place for him. I believe they are more caring and compassionate children as a result of the last 18 months. Good luck to you.

[o2b30again]

Here is my story. Pull from it any information you deem appropriate. This is just our opinion of what we have learned.

Starting this whole process we didn't want to do the foster to adopt. We just wanted to be placed with children that were waiting. Ones that were already TPR'd. We were placed with our first set of waiting children and the process went smoothly.

Three weeks later we were informed that the children's bio cousins were taken into care in the same county as our first three. IF they went to adoption were we interested. After reviewing the files etc. we said yes. Well 5 months later we received an emergency call stating that the children had to be removed from the foster care providers home because two of the children were bitten by the fosters dog. Were we interested. A couple of hours later they arrived.

At this point the three children were still in RU mode. The children were different upon returning from visits. They were torn about wanting to stay here with their cousins/us and loving their parents. They didn't like that we couldn't go to therapy with them or to doc. visits etc. (This was because of us adopting the cousins and there was confidentiality problems)

At this time we really realized that fostering wasn't for us. I am just not cut out to "share" I know that I did everything that I could to help with RU but in my heart I wished that it would just be over. The only reason that we took the children was because they were relatives and we believe in keeping families together. The time the parents had to work there plan was just far to long for these children. In the 6 months we had the children before TPR was signed was really hard for us. Were they going to have to go home? How were they going to handle that? How will the other children handle it if they do? We they going to regain custody because of the dog bites and not because they were ready? (this was what the lawyers were fighting for) This was a very stressful time for us.

Concurrent placements suck for everyone involved BUT the children. The day that I realized this was the day that the children had their goodbye visit. I know that this day was made easier for them because they knew where their forever home was going to be. They got to come back here to us where we got to be the ones that got to comfort them and help begin the healing process. Personally having them be here for 6 months I can't ever imagine them having had to go home.

For you concerns about RAD etc please be prepared for the unknown. We said no Fetal Alcohol and we have 3 that WE had tested. We are now working on getting the other 3 tested as well. They came to us with RAD labels already. This was something we were ready for though. I am thankful that we were "surprised" with the FASD because I would have turned them down had we known. Little did we know we were able to handle FASD. As for the big family and having time...you learn to cope. Make certain that you have a strong support system in place because there are so many unknowns in adoption of children.

Good Luck on your journey. It is a true blessing!