[Shiree132]

We are licensed foster/adopt for 2 children, birth-2. Usually the DSHS adoption social worker will call us when she gets a case that has more of a chance at becoming an adoptive placement. But-we also get calls periodically from the person who does all the general calls to place kids. He knows that we are foster/adopt, but will call if it appears to him that a child might go in that direction.

We have not yet taken a placement. We have had several calls over the last year, and it has taken us until now to really get to the point that we are ready. We got a call this evening from the placement person. He stated there is a newborn that needs to be picked up from the hospital tomorrow. That was all he knew, and the rest of the social workers had left for the night. He said they will call us in the am. My question is, how do we know this is the one we should take? I usually call the adoption worker, and have her check into it more, but, honestly, some of the kiddos she's called us about are all similar situations to the one the placment guy has called us about. I am not sure what all the terms are, but we are only supposed to take the ones with the least risk of reuniting with family, but as the adoption worker stated, even in those cases, sometimes they find a distant family member, and I have friends who ended up adopting their daughter who they took in when she was an infant that was only supposed to be a short term placement, and them she was going home. So, I just don't know how to know when it is the right situation. Any advice?

[FullQuiverMamma]

PRAY! That is so hard. I can tell you it is heartbreaking to fall in love with a child and know it may not be forever. There are no 100% situations... low risk is still risky.... best wishes... FQM

[MilehighDad]

You won't know for sure and your heart is at risk. It's a very difficult thing. In the end, you'll have to just decide to take the risk when you're ready.

If it helps, I don't think you'll ever look back and decide that you should have said no when you said yes. Even if that child is eventually placed with someone else, you won't regret having loved them and cared for them. They will always be a part of you. You may miss them terribly, though. But, your heart will heal and you will have another chance. There is room in your heart to love many children, even the ones you don't get to raise forever.

[Withay]

If it helps, I don't think you'll ever look back and decide that you should have said no when you said yes. Even if that child is eventually placed with someone else, you won't regret having loved them and cared for them. They will always be a part of you. You may miss them terribly, though. But, your heart will heal and you will have another chance. There is room in your heart to love many children, even the ones you don't get to raise forever.

MHD has said it so well. You will never regret loving a child. Does it hurt when they leave? You bet, but you are the adult and they are a child who needs someone to love them, if only for a season.

[CaddoRose]

Sometimes you just have to take that leap. For us, if the child fits our criteria then we take them, but we are doing both foster and foster to adopt. Even though you are looking to take those with the highest likelihood of being TPR'd, in foster care, it's a crap shoot most of the time unless there is a big history there with the bios that leads the CW to believe that TPR is extremely likely. It's also unlikely that they will ever call and say they have a free baby. It can happen, but it's not the usual situation, so at some point, you just have to move forward.

[graciej]

I agree with MilehighDad. You just have to take a leap of faith sometimes. We took a newborn Safe Haven baby two years ago. We thought she was going to be a free-and-clear adoption in six months. The mother changed her mind and came back and the baby went home at 5 1/2 months old. While we had her, we took a 5-month-old who "needed a place for a couple of days" before she was going to kinship. Well, that short-term placement is now my adopted daughter and we've had her half-sister since birth and hope to adopt her soon as well.

You just never know. You just have to trust your heart and your instincts and pray!

[Shiree132]

I appreciate your responses, and I think it is time we just take that leap of faith-no matter what we will be providing a stable home for a child that needs it for however long they do need it.

This didn't end up being a placement either, they didn't call until this afternoon, and they said that they found a relative placement for this baby boy, which they didn't expect to find.

We are here and ready when another little one might need us...

Thanks again!

[myForeverkids3]

You really don't know if this is the "one". If you feel like you cannot cope with having a child return home, don't take a placement unless rights are terminated. I know that is hard but, if you want a newborn from foster care, you will have to take a risk. As far as this baby is concerned, the SW HAS to, at the very least, know why the baby is being removed!!! Usually if they are taken at birth, bmom has other children that have been removed or she is on drugs and the baby is positive. If bmom has had TPR on other children, they can go directly to TPR for any subsequent children, but they don't always do that. Sometimes they still attempt reunification. You have to talk to the SW who is in charge of this case and find out what is going on. OR ask for the supervisor. If they are doing their job, they will know ALL of the cases.

Hope I didn't confuse you even more. We have been in this position and it is very hard. We had a NB for 3 months and when she left I grieved like my baby had died, but, I don't regret giving her a home while she needed it! I cherish the memories. We also had to make these same decisions when we got our oldest 2 kids from foster care. We had 5 case workers calling us about 5 different sibling groups and we had to choose. We just decided to pray and then went with our gut. Our kids were actually the oldest sib group we were presented with, but had been in a stable placement with grandparents and TPR was approaching quickly.

I feel like we made the right choice because I have bonded with my kids and I think they are the coolest kids on the planet. They are also wonderful with our baby girl. That was a biggy for us. Sure, we could have gotten younger kids, but I don't think about that because I think my family is just the way God intended it to be.
Keep us posted!

[myForeverkids3]

Oh sorry I didn't see all the other posts! Well, hope you have another opportunity soon!

[Shiree132]

Well! We got a call fri. and took in a 6 wk old baby girl! She is precious! Mom is young-1st child, tested pos. for meth at birth, baby didn't. She sleeps all day. We wake her for feedings, but from 4pm to midnight she is WIDE awake!

Any insight? We have no idea which way this case could go...there is a court date in a few days, what should we expect?

[CaddoRose]

Congrats on the placement. Court date will probably be to determine if the child needs to stay in care or if there are any relatives available to take her. If there are relative, DCFS will usually do a home study on them before they would allow them to take her. Even if she didn't test positive, she was probably exposed. Read everything you can about drug exposed babies to get some help with issues you might have.

[MilehighDad]

Congratulations! I don't have any guess for the future, but you have an adorable kid to take care of today! Take it one day at a time and we'll all hope for the best for her.

[myForeverkids3]

awww congrats! We had a FD placed with us at 24 hrs. old, stayed for 3 months and then came back into care at 6 months but we had moved so we couldn't take her. She was also neg at birth but the bmom was positive for Meth at 8 month pregnant. So, CaddoRose is probably right that a neg. screen at birth does not mean she did not use through the pregnancy. (I think there is also a difference between the urine screen and the meconium screen, you may ask about that?)
As far as the sleeping goes, try waking her up a few times during the day. Wake her up and play with her, turn on the lights, open the windows, make the environment stimulating. Take off all the layers of blankets and move her arms and legs around. At 6 weeks she'd be okay going outside for a little while and lying on a blanket in the shade. (Something about being outside is energizing) At night everything should be dark and quiet. When I got up to feed her in the middle of the night, I made sure I had everything I needed right by the bed to change her and feed her. I didn't turn on the lights (just used a night light that was on all night) I also made sure not to sing, talk, or stimulate her at all. Save that for the daytime. It was much easier for both of us to go to back to sleep that way too. I did the same thing with our DD when she came home after being in the NICU for 3 months. It is always brightly lit and loud there so she did not know the difference between night and day. After about 3 weeks of this "day and night training" she started sleeping 8+ hours at night and has ever since. If you are already trying this, I would encourage you to keep it up. If it doesn't help after a few weeks of adjustment period, I would talk to the dr.
Hope that helps?! Have fun!
swaddling was amazingly helpful for our daughter as well. It was MAGIC

[BethanyB]

As the others have said, the fost/adopt program is a crap shoot.

Congrats on the new baby. If this is the mom's first child than she will be given a plan to work out. There is a good chance the child could go back to her if she works her plan since she has not lost other children to the system.

My children were exposed but tested negative at birth. And although both my son and daughter were taken at birth due to drug usage and mom having lost other kids to the system, she was STILL given a plan to get the new kids back. It appeared as though she was working her plan for a while. And of course it's scary because you love the kids, but you have to remember what foster care is about. As hard as it would be to give a child back, that is the job and you are helping a family to stay together.

One day, I just stopped worrying and put it all in God's hands. I told myself that if my son was meant to go back to his mom, than that was the right thing. If he was meant to stay with me, than that was the right thing. I felt so much better after that day.

Good luck on the rollar coaster ride of foster care!

[ScrapMonkey]

We started as foster to adopt or "legal risk" but during the emotional ride of our second adoption we decided to just take regular placements for a while. We've had several newborns and at least two potential adoptive situations we said no to, we just wanted to get our son adopted before we took on amy more potential heartache. Legal risk is a crapshoot, just as much as non-legal risk placements. We now tell our friends who hope to adopt to go regular placements and take newborns and infants... yes, they might go home, but eventually you are going to have a baby from birth that will not.

Good luck with your placement! Love that baby like crazy no matter how long they're with you.