[adoptmom2be]

How long did your transition time take from the first visit to move in....and please include ages. Just trying to get a feel for the average.

Thanks!

[MilehighDad]

Youngest daughter (in 2000 at 3 days old) - We got a phone call about her then picked her up the next afternoon.

Oldest daughter (in 2004 at 14 yrs old) - Met her one Saturday, spent the day together. Spent at least some time with her every day for a week. Moved in with us on the 9th day because her group home was mad at us and basically kicked her out. We wanted another week or two to transition her, but we weren't going to have her moved to a different placement instead!

Middle daughter (in 2008 at 11 yrs old) - My wife and I met her for a few hours when we flew out for a staffing meeting. Only 30 minutes after we knew we were matched with her. Talked to her every night on the phone for the whole transition. 4 weeks later, we flew out for weekend with 2 youngest kids and spent 3 days with her, including overnights at our hotel. 3 weeks after that, repeated 3 day weekend with 2 oldest kids. 3 weeks after that, I flew out and brought her back with me to stay forever. Total elapsed time: 11 weeks.

[naca]

5yr old- We sent photo books of us and our family which were given to her once ICPC was approved. 2wks later we were able to go down to finally meet her. We met her @ 9am on a friday and she went back to the hotel w/us and spent the entire week in our hotel. After 1week we had to return her to her foster home and drive back home. 4days later she was flown & placed in our home We really wanted more of a transition between the foster home and us, but when we arrived to first meet the foster mom had all her belongs packed & stacked by the door. We suggested taking her out for lunch the 1st day and then returning her.. and building up to a little more each day so all the kids could get used to each other ect but FM really pushed for her to just come to the hotel and spend the entire time with us. She looked down at us when we brought her back the next day for a visit and said she'd have never drove so far (30mins). So we did pack up all her things into the van at that point and kept her til we had to go home again. Things worked out well for us since *L* didn't want to go back to the foster home at all but it was definitely not the transition we had hoped for.

[adoptmom2be]

Thanks for the replies - MileHighDad - when you talked to the one child every night what types of things did you talk about? Did you just call to say good night?

[MilehighDad]

We have a dinner-time tradition we try to do every night called "favorite part of the day." We go around the table and each person (including visitors if there are any) has to say what their favorite part of the day was and why. We introduced her to the format when we first met her and then did favorite part of the day with her on the phone every night. Some calls it was just my wife and I and for some of them we had the whole gang.

That usually broke the ice and gave us a good 5-10 minutes and got her talking. Then we usually just chatted about what she was doing in school, etc. and kept the calls pretty short, usually not more than 15 minutes.

Her foster mom was supportive and great, but had a complex schedule and struggled with our pushing to talk to her every night. She did work at it, but eventually decided it was easiest to have our daughter call when she went to bed, which tended to vary quite a bit. So, we ended up "on call", not knowing when she would call for a 2 hour window for weeks. That was kind of difficult, but we prioritized around making sure we were available.

[greenmama]

3 months exactly from first meeting to move in...would have been shorter if he didn't need to finish the school year. He is 9.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by MilehighDad

We have a dinner-time tradition we try to do every night called "favorite part of the day." We go around the table and each person (including visitors if there are any) has to say what their favorite part of the day was and why. We introduced her to the format when we first met her and then did favorite part of the day with her on the phone every night. Some calls it was just my wife and I and for some of them we had the whole gang.

That's funny you mention that. We do that too. We do "Favorite part of your day" and "Worse part of your day" each night at the dinner table. Gets the kids talking and communicating and it has worked great!

[bettynme]

boy age 8..form meeting to move in 4 months...would have been 3 but we wanted him to finish the school year with his class...

[ScrapMonkey]

Transition? We met a scared, skinny two and a half year old boy. After an hour at his foster family's home, we brought him home for an overnight visit and he never left. NOW I know that it was not the brightest thing, we should have demanded a slower transition, but we sensed the foster family just wanted him outta there so I think it worked out best for everyone.

I met our current foster son at the shelter and asked his foster mom to keep him for the weekend, we were going to Disneyland for my son's first birthday. Her reply? He loves car rides and his stuff is in the car right now. I had NOT planned to bring him home that day! I was so angry at that foster parent for "dumping him" that I took the screaming, snotty kid and his trash bag of clothes and we came home. Eighteen months later he is doing an ICPC our of state and we're calling his family every week and exchanging email photos, etc. I want him MUCH more prepared than when he came to us!

[Perfect7]

10 year old (mentally/emotionally 3)- 1 1/2 months. DH and I drove up to meet him the day after Thanksgiving. Two weeks later we took the other four critters and spent the weekend with him. Two weeks after that he came and spent a week here for Christmas and moved in the second week of January.

[elk134]

Three little ones transitioned to their adoptive home in 2 months. Ages 3, 4 & 7. Waited for school year to be over for the oldest in kindergarten. However, kids were ready to go sooner, BUT, now, looking back at issues they are currently having with the kiddos, they should have had just a little more contact with us after final move, and weaned it off, I think. I have been told the kids think they were bad and had to move because we were mad at them (NOT the case at all). We talked about it before the move, but maybe reassurance after the move would have helped.

Our 13 yo twins coming to us now. Matched on July 10, moving in on August 10. Our initial meeting was an afternoon together. Second visit was an overnight visit at our house. They then went to camp, we then went on vacation (with the kids). They went back for a few more days and to say goodbye to foster family and move in Monday (Yay!)