[arubagirl]

Thursday is the good bye visit for my Fd and her birth mom. I got her birth mom a silver locket and put a picture of fd inside. I also have some recent pictures. I was thinking of writing a note but not sure what to say????

[graciej]

Maybe you could say thanks for giving you the precious gift of your daughter? And reassure her that you will provide a loving home.

When we made our adoption announcements for our FD, we included something on the back that we called "Our Adoption Journey." We, obviously, wanted to celebrate that she was finally ours, but we wanted to be sensitive, too, because her biological great-grandparents are very involved in her life and we know it's hard for them to know that their grandson lost his rights to his child, so we put that we wanted to thank our family and friends for their thoughts and prayers and a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear when we needed it throughout the long process and that we thanked her birthparents for giving her life and we prayed for their peace and restoration.

Good luck to you and congratulations on you daughter. =)

[mamachell]

I agree that being sensitive is probably the most important thing. I haven't had this experience yet and am anticipating and dreading it because for our family it means a new start but for the birth family it means an ending.

I'm wondering: when in the process do you have the goodbye visit? Is it after TPR or after any appeals?

[graciej]

I think it probably varies depending on where you are and your agency. We didn't have a goodbye visit when our daughter was TPR'ed. The last time she saw her was before TPR. No visits were scheduled after that.

[Suziebearhugs]

Have you considered the possibility of remaining in contact with her birthmom? You don't necessarily have to have visits or phone calls but you could offer to send updates and pictures.

In the goodbye letter you could give her a free totsite web address and keep updates and pictures on that that she can go visit when she wants an update, but it would still leave you with privacy and the ability to add more contact later or less ....as the years progressed.

[arubagirl]

Thanks for your help... We have contact with the birth dad, the birth mom moves from hotel to hotel. I told the caseworker today that if she had a po box I would send updates and pictures, also phone calls monthly unless FD did not want contact . Birth mom has some mental issues and Fd was taken at birth. birthmom can "change" from one personality to the next in a conversation so it is very hard for Fd to enjoy her visits, etc.

[Emmesmom]

I'm curious, how old is your FD?

[FullQuiverMamma]

I have thought about this a lot... I feel like I should stay in contact w/bio family... but don't really want ongoing drama in my head either - they are so troubled...