[adoptmom2be]

Okay this may be a silly question, but how do you "know" that you made the right choice - especially if there are multiple matches. Was it a feeling? A logical decision? Was anyone ever torn about the decision?

[MilehighDad]

I'm not sure exactly how it happens, but I know for me that committing to our kids was like being hit by a semi truck doing 80. It was over that quick and about as easy to stop. It just hit me that this was my kid, and I had to take care of them, period.

Oh, and it happened when I first saw our youngest and held her in my arms. But, we had only known she existed for a few hours. It happened weeks before we met our oldest, but we had made the match and it was going forward. It happened for our middle daughter the first time I saw her picture on a photolisting. We had no more assurance that we would ever meet her than the president of the US. It also happened for a girl we know and intended to adopt, but never were allowed to. That one hurts every time i see her. And, it was the same for my boys, but it was the first time I felt them kick in my wife's belly.

It was never that I was sure it was the right choice, the whole world just changed at that moment and made them my child and my responsibility, without any room for doubt or hesitation. I'm sorry that this may not help you, and I understand and feel for you that it may not happen that way for you. But, if it does, you won't need to ask, because you'll just know.

You may need to be far enough along that you feel safe that you won't lose them. It is an uncertain, unfamiliar, and risky process to adopt a child from foster care. Your heart may recognize that and protect itself. But, your heart is the one thing your child will need the most, and I hope that giving it will come naturally and easily. If it doesn't, you won't be the first to struggle with that, but you will need to keep working at it because it will be worth it in the end.

I hope you have a short wait and get to bring your kids home soon.

[MassachusettsMom]

If you're asking about how you know when you said "yes" to the right match (i.e., before you actually meet the child)....

We said no to a pre-adoptive placement just before we said yes to our son. Our social worker called one day to tell us we had been matched with a newborn and DSS wanted us to bring him home in three days. Everyone thought we should be thrilled - a newborn already on the adoption track (although legal-risk) is pretty rare around here. But my gut just said no, no, no this isn't our kid. My husband and I talked for two days, but decided to go with our guts. We said no, and figured it would be months before we got another call.

Two days later we got another call from our social worker about another possible match. This time my gut and my heart said YES, THIS is our son! And he is!

I'm usually the type of person that has trouble making decisions and second-guesses my decisions after the fact. This has been one of the very few instances when I knew I made the right decision and have never looked back.

I don't know if it happens that way for everyone, but it did for me!

[dhardawa]

Max was my first and only placement and I am 100% sure I made the correct decision. I knew the second the nurse in the hospital rolled his little bed into the room and I saw his face. I tried so hard to not get attached, but the morning of the second day I broke down, told him how much I loved him, and began the horrible fear I lived with for almost two years being afraid he'd be taken away. I also have a biological daughter and, in my heart, there is no difference between the two. They are both my babies.