[rd200]

HI, i have a few questions about how the process of foster to adopt works. My DH and I are in the process of a domestic infant adoption and waiting for a match. I know that we arent going ot have the money to do another infant adoption and i want to start looking into foster to adopt. I honestly dont know how it works at all. I know i would have to have a homestudy done. Would i need to have another one done or can i use the one from this adoption and just update it?? I"m assuming i would have to take classes like with domestic adoption?? Can you request just adoptive placements?? we havent discussed what we would be open to yet but probably 3 and under or a sibling set 4 and under.

Maybe this is a stupid question but i hear all the time that you wait a very long time if you only want younger children with little or no behavioral issues. Is that true?? I only ask because i feel right now that i have my hands full with my BIO sons (7) behavior lately. We just arent in a position where would beable to handle that right now.

I think we would only accept placements that are the intention to adoption not reunification. I would love to help out a child whom needs a family but i just dont think i would beable to do that. I would immediately be so attached to a child and then to give them up after god only knows how long, i just wouldnt beable to handle that. Just the thought of our legal risk placement for our domestic adoption is almost giving me an ulcer!! and that would only be 30 days or less in my home before the TPR is signed. I couldnt do it for months adn months i dont think. I'm sure that would affect how many placements and how quickly we get a placement huh??

Would it be a problem that i work full-time?? i have heard that some people dont get placements because they work full time. I dont really have the choice to not work right now because we are still paying back loans from our IVF and now for our domestic adoption. I would love to work only part-time but is that going to affect if we get a placement or not?? Would it also be an issue if we are in the middle of our domestic adoption?? i'm almost 100% sure that we wouldnt be pursueing foster to adopt for at least another year, but i just dont know when we are going to get chosen for our domestic adoption. I think that it would be kinda crazy to start this while were waiting for match and on the other hand i kinda feel like we arent doing anything else except wait around so why not get the ball rolling with this. How long does it take for a homestudy and to get certified?? It only took like 2months for my domestic homestudy to get all complete and approved but that was pretty quick.

Another question, does anyone else's hubby seem reluctant to adopt from foster care?? MY hubby doesnt really say much EVER about ANYTHING, but i really get the impression that he is scared to adopt from foster care because he thinks that because the child more than likely isnt a baby that they would have (and we would have) a harder time bonding with them. And that most children from foster care have behavioral and other issues. I dont know, that may be true, but we arent expecting a perfect child.

If anyone could explain to me or answer any of my questions, that would be great. Thanks alot, Rach

[c.a]

I have adopted from foster care, and hope to do it again.

Some of your questions are practical - but the answers probably depened on the state/county you are in. You would probably have to do a new homestudy - but they could use your first homestudy for some initial background. You might have to redo the classes but you might be able to apply for a waiver. It should not be a problem that you work full time, but different states have different reimbursement rules for daycare so you will have to consider what you can afford.

Adoption typically does take time. Foster/adopt is certainly not any quicker than a domestic adoption. It also has its own set of challenges.

As for your husband's concerns - yes - most kids in foster care have some kind of issues - medical, emotional, behavioral - they are in foster care because they have either been abused or neglected in some way. The level of need depends on the child and the family they came from.

As for the wait - yes, you will wait longer if you are only seeking an infant with no issues, and only if goal is adoption. In my experience, in most cases it takes at least six months and, more typically, about a year for the state to change the goal to adoption. The state is required to give the bio parents an opportunity to work a service plan intended to reunify them with their child before changing the goal.

The goal change is just the first step - then they have to get bioparents to agree or win a trial, and then another year before adoption is final.

Our son went in to foster care at four months, came to us at 11 months and we adopted him at 30 months. He is a marvelous, beautiful, well behaved (most of the time), wonderful boy.

[Prettyboicris]

The homestudy issue would depend on your areas policy and what standard the Domestic homestudy used. I have heard that sometimes the city will accept the homestudy with it just being updated.

You would have to take some classes MAPP/PRIDE/STAR or whatever they call it in your state.

You can do Adopt only from Foster care. To be honest though you look at a longer waiting time depending on your area but sometimes things come along quickly.

For the age you want you can get a placement that is "Adopt only" but with little to no behavior issues your wait might be longer to be honest but it depends on your area, the need for families and sometimes what gender and/or races you are open to.

I have heard of some areas "requiring: one parent to Stay at Home. Check what things are like in your area. If this isnt common practice then you will be fine. My wife and I both work and plan to continue to both work full-time. If a child came into our home and needed more attention then my wife would come away from work but it isn't an issue either way as long as we have an adequate childcare plan .

Regarding the Foster care stigma. It is true that some children have behavior /emotional issues as well as sometimes other things going on with them, that is because the majority have been placed in care due to Neglect and/or abuse as I'm sure you know.

There are children who are able to bond. There are younger children. However for a younger single child depending on your area there may be a lot of people looking to take an infant which would make you have to decide between a longer wait or a riskier placement. Since like you said you do have time on your hands. It might be worth it to go to an information session/orientation in your area. Also at least start the necessary classes so you have those out the way. Since you are in the middle of a domestic adoption and you are hoping to be ready to adopt in the next year you can use the next year getting the Foster Adopt stuff together that way once you are ready the wait won't feel as long since you spend the few months getting stuff together. Just my thought.

Best of luck to you and your family.

[Prettyboicris]

I forgot to mention regarding the "Husbands" being worried about Foster-Adopt, I find that my wife is actually the one who is nervous about it. lol.

[anilorak13ska]

Hi there. We're in the middle of a domestic adoption as well. Actually, we're more like at the end of it, bc after over a year of waiting, we've got one tentative bmom. So if she says no, we're done with that route.

Meanwhile, (she's due in 3 months) we've started looking into foster care. We did our PRIDE training in April, and we should be licensed in a matter of weeks now. We are going at it a bit riskier, though, bc we will be a resource family, meaning we'll foster any child up to age 4, regardless of goal, and hope that sooner rather than later, one becomes available for us to adopt.

Meanwhile, meanwhile (lol), we've started searching photolistings of kids in foster care who are already available for adoption. We've recently upped our age preference to 4, so there is a handful of kids available without serious medical/physical special needs. Most, however, do exibit some level of behavioral or emotional special needs. But that is to be expected with their background, and most of the issues are expected to either go away once permanency is achieved, or stay under control with therapy or medication.

The token babies we've seen on the photolistings (up to age 2) have generally had serious concerns that we're not prepared to take on. Or they come with older siblings, and we are only open to no more than two kids together.

So, if you're only going to be looking for a single, healthy, well-adjusted baby of a specific race and/or gender, your only chance may be fost-to-adopt, which would require you to take legal risk placements and go into it not expecting that this chid is yours, and then be happily surprised when one finally does become availabe for you to adopt.

Otherwise, you'd need to adjust either the age, number of children, race/gender, and/or special needs in order to take only low-risk placements.

If your age range goes up a little like ours did, you can also start searching photolistings like we do. This way, the only risk you take is not being selected as the adopting parents. You don't generally take them home unless you've been chosen. You may want to start by visiting adoptuskids.com. I can give you more state-specific links to photolistings as well - just send me an PM.

Best of luck on both your domestic and foster adoption journeys!

Karolina

[Larue]

We were recently licenced for up to 2 children, 0 - 4 years in age. We were open to race and gender, and some special needs. We are working through a private agency that receives referrals for children where the State is specifically looking for a foster-adopt home. We were just placed this week with a newborn baby girl, 3 weeks after being licenced. I also work fulltime, so that did not hinder us.

Best wishes with your journey!

[dhardawa]

I can't answer all your questions as many of the things you asked about will vary from state to state, county to county, or even agency to agency.

As for having to wait for a younger child, that isn't always the case. Max was place with me when he was 2 days old. I picked him up directly from the hospital. His social worker has told me over and over that newborns are the hardest kids she has to place and they get a ton of them in. When I picked him up, I didn't even have my paper license in my hand yet. It arrived in the mail about two weeks later (conveniently dated the day I picked him up).

As for behavioral issues, that can vary a lot. Max was taken at birth so he never had a chance to be abused/neglected. Therefore, he has none of the typical behavioral issues of a child who has been abused/neglected. He is a happy, healthy almost two year old.

BUT, I told them I wanted to adopt so they placed a child with me who was likely to be adoptable, but it was never a guarantee. I have been told that there are very few children under 3 who come up for adoption in our system because the foster parents almost always adopt when they were placed with the family as a baby.

I can tell you though, I have never regretted my decision to foster/adopt. There is a beautiful little baby in the next room sleeping peacefully in his crib who wouldn't be here if I hadn't made the choice I did.