[mamachell]

Hello,

I just got a call yesterday for an 8 month old baby girl that looks like she's going to adoption. The case seems pretty straight forward but two things concern me about birthmom's history:
1) another one of her kids died of SIDS while in foster care and
2) She is bipolar
birthmom is a foster child herself so there is no family stepping forward and she hasn't visited in over a month. I'm more worried about the hereditary issues of the SIDS and bipolar.

Any ideas?

Also, what are other things I may need to ask about at the disclosure meeting? What would be some issues you personally would steer clear of?

(BTW, I have a one year old placement we're hoping to adopt also. Am I crazy for adding one more?)

Thanks,
mamachell

[peregrinerose]

My son was born to a 15 year old foster mother with a history of bipolar and schizophrenia. He was diagnosed with bipolar several years ago and has refused meds due to their side effects.... on paper he was one scary kid, violent, angry, etc. But his profile also made me cry for all he'd been through, and I knew he was the right one for us. Turns out all the 'scary' goes away when an actual child is right in front of me, and I could not possibly love my son any more.... and he loves us just as much. Oh, and he's neither bipolar nor schizophrenic.

Every kid has their quirks, even giving birth to a bio child is a crap shoot with what's going to pop up down the road. Follow your gut instincts, they are probably right :-)

[DannieAS]

haven't accepted an adoptive placement yet, however, SIDS is highest between 6-9 months so this child is almost out of that range...maybe get some history on how old sibling was that died?

I would read up on mental health issues such as bipolar. Many times it skips a generation....but again take in the situation and go with your gut.

My potential match that I declined sounded really bad over the phone...at disclosure meeting based on reports and IEPs he wasn't as bad as I had heard....it wasn't "his" issues why I didn't accept the match, it had to do that mom wanted a signed OA agreement that had potential to compromise everyone's safety. And I went with my gut. When all else fails...go with your gut.

[mommytoEli]

the sids thing scared me....when our middle son was 3 months old we already knew he was having apnea episodes, and had already had a sleep study that told us he had yet to stop breathing LONG enough for a monitor....don't get me started on that one....however, when he was 3 months old, we were told his last sibling died of SIDS a few days before his adoption was finalized. so sad! of course that made me extra cautious....but in the end, he was fine. surgery corrected his sleep apnea, and his next sibling now lives with us and is also past 1, and completely healthy.

[mom2fabtwins]

I recently read an article that says kids who use a pacifier have a lower incidence of SIDS. It won't "cure" a predisposition, but it may lesses the chances. Ask if she uses a pacifier.

As for the bi polar. Just knowing it runs in the family give you a leg up on what to watch for. As with most things early detection is a wonderful thing.

[birdiebabee]

I'm not sure that SIDS is genetic?? Our FS's had an older sibling to died of SIDS at 8 months old. There were four kids after him and none have passed away from SIDS. Also...as far as the bipolar goes...yes it CAN be hereditary. Sometimes it skips generations...sometimes it does not. My grandmother is bipolar, my mother is bipolar, my sister is bipolar, but me and my brother are not. It's crazy how it works. If the baby happens to end up being bipolar medication really will help. My mother wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult and she is a TOTALLLY different person now that she is on medication. So....if you are basing your decision to adopt on those two issues I would say GO FOR IT!! That is if you feel it's in your heart.

[quiescentfury]

Bi-polar is not just heridtary, but also enviromental. uit can be a combo of both.

[trixiebell]

My Mom has bipolar and the psychiatrist told me that my brother and I have approximatly a 10% risk...and that for kids adopted by a Mom without BiPolar the risks would be lower, as the stress of growing up with such an unpredictable parent can be a trigger in itself Hope that helps.

[MilehighDad]

I'd say go for it. You'll most likely not get a call from a public agency for a child that is any more "perfect" than that. In our experience, the bipolar label is often attached to troubled foster kids that don't deserve it. It's much more likely that they are PTSD and RAD. So, I wouldn't put full confidence in the birth mom's diagnosis, anyway. But, you should also prepare yourself for the possibility of bipolar in your child's future.