[Prettyboicris]

My wife know that what ever chidl we have in our home we will treat as our own but we do wonder how to navigate the family situation.

How have people navigated being around extended family once a child is placed with them. Do you go around family more? Do you go around them less? What do you do when your family members ask about a child's personal history? DO you wait until you know whether the child is free for adoption? Do you do it the same way for every child or judge it on a case by case basis.

[quiescentfury]

We do not change our lives when children come. We do all the same stuff and see friends and family the same amount. They all know that they are foster kids and we tell them that their case is confidential and we can not disclose information about the children. If they ask we just politely remind them. We feel it is important that the kids have a normal family experience with us so that is why we do not alter our lives.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Prettyboicris

My wife know that what ever chidl we have in our home we will treat as our own but we do wonder how to navigate the family situation.

How have people navigated being around extended family once a child is placed with them. Do you go around family more? Do you go around them less? What do you do when your family members ask about a child's personal history? DO you wait until you know whether the child is free for adoption? Do you do it the same way for every child or judge it on a case by case basis.

Many foster children are very overwhelmed by being around a lot of new people. Also, if you have an attachment disordered child, it is best to be around just immediate family. For that reason, we spent a lot less time socializing, at first. I'd say you definitely have to judge case by case. But if you want to wait until they are free for adoption, you might be isolating yourself for quite some time! And yes, about them asking questions - I'd either be honest and tell them I can't discuss it, or I'd say I didn't know much if I thought they'd be persistent. That said, I did divulge a bit more than I probably should have because my FS was an older teen and many people worried about the risk of sexual abuse with my younger children, so I was more specific about what HAD happened to him to show that I was confident about what had NOT.

[rkirby40]

We are currently respiting a 9 yr old boy. The plan is for him to move to our home when school is over. We have continued to live as we always do when he is in our home. He has met most of our family and friends. He seems to fit in well and has adjusted to everyone. Our oldest son is 8 days younger than the fs. He is having a very hard time adjusting to another brother in the house. We also have an 8yr and 6yr old both boys. We love all of children very much. We have consulted them all the way through the fostering process. We are worried about our oldest but we also do not want him to think he can call all the shots for the family. We continue to pray for them to grow closer and learn to accept one another.

[trixiebell]

Our families met all 6 of our foster kids - with mixed results, we were always very honest that yes we are a preadopt family, but at this time the kids are in foster care, not up for adoption.

We just got matched with an adoptive placement (technically foster-to-adopt, but both bioparents vokuntarily signed TPR so now the wait is just for a court date for the signature on the dotted line) and sat our families down to explain how it is different this time...we have found we typically must repeat the same info 4-5 times before they really comprehend it but they have tried to understand and have been welcoming of each foster child, and are thrilled to welcome our adoptive placement home when we are ready for introductions (we are currently in the visiting phase and are not introducing them as yet as we do not wish to overwhelm them)...feel free to PM me if you have specific questions....

[MilehighDad]

All our kids have been adoptive placements and yet it is still hard for extended family to get that it is going to be forever. There are so many in between steps that they seem to struggle to understand. We've tried to maintain the same closeness, but the truth is that we're not as close as we were to our extended family.

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by trixiebell

Our families met all 6 of our foster kids - with mixed results, we were always very honest that yes we are a preadopt family, but at this time the kids are in foster care, not up for adoption.

We just got matched with an adoptive placement (technically foster-to-adopt, but both bioparents vokuntarily signed TPR so now the wait is just for a court date for the signature on the dotted line) and sat our families down to explain how it is different this time...we have found we typically must repeat the same info 4-5 times before they really comprehend it but they have tried to understand and have been welcoming of each foster child, and are thrilled to welcome our adoptive placement home when we are ready for introductions (we are currently in the visiting phase and are not introducing them as yet as we do not wish to overwhelm them)...feel free to PM me if you have specific questions....

We haven't gotten a placement yet but if a certain situation works out then we will soon that is why i was asking. I will keep you in mind though for when i do have questions.

[HopefulInTN]

We live away from our families and extended family.

We started a blog about our lives and what was going on, and have included pics of us as a family together.

My family has embraced and supported us so much, and I'm reall proud of them. They are excited about G being a part of our family, some have even come up for visits to meet him. Everyone asks when we are bringing him down for a visit.

DH's family has done the opposite, sadly. It breaks my heart (and makes me want to bop them on the head), but they have closed their hearts to this process and this beautiful child. My husband says it's okay, but I know it has to hurt him.

Like MileHighDad, we aren't very close to them. I would have to say, though, that we never really were.

And as far as what he has been through? They know he was neglected and abused, but the details are his to share or not share. It's no one's business otherwise.

[millie58]

Depends on the family member. Some are very positive, some are negative. I avoid the negative ones and stay around the positive ones.

[In_limbo_for_now]

We have a split in DH family. BILand family adopted last year and thinks is fostering and/or adopting is great. SIL and family can not see why we would "tie ourselves down". They see having children as a life-sentenance. They will have an issue with the trans-racial issuesas well. In truth they have habits we don't want to expose children too. I am sure there will be excuses made but we are aware of it and expecting it to some extent. My family is totally supportive but they are a long distance away and don't have to face it day to day.
We are not afraid to stand up for our children (any in our care).
We also have a loving church family that will be supportive and I am sure curious.

[Prettyboicris]

Originally Posted by millie58

Depends on the family member. Some are very positive, some are negative. I avoid the negative ones and stay around the positive ones.

This sounds like our plan of action!

[Shelly77]

Originally Posted by HopefulInTN

We started a blog about our lives and what was going on, and have included pics of us as a family together.

I was wondering about this. If they are foster kids who aren't legally available yet, are you still able to post pictures on a blog or does it violate any of the privacy issues with foster children?

[In_limbo_for_now]

Could you use facebook or my space where you can share with only those you want to?

[HopefulInTN]

Originally Posted by Shelly77

I was wondering about this. If they are foster kids who aren't legally available yet, are you still able to post pictures on a blog or does it violate any of the privacy issues with foster children?

We closed our blog to members only, and "invited" certain family members to join. After he is adopted, we will open it.

[wohiomom]

We don't live close to extended family but really do what everyone has said which is live our normal life with our foster daughter included. Now since my family is out of state that requires a travel letter every time we go so we have limited it a bit but since my dad is rather ill we make the trip as much as possible. Our family has a lot of adoption experience though. My one worry is for my pre teen nieces adopted from China that they would not understand the foster adopt process and worry about their own adoption or it would bring up past feelings for them. So far though our only long term placement has been SLOWLY heading to adoption from the beginning due to the severity of phyiscal abuse so having children come and go hasn't been an issue. Especially this first time it's been hard to know what to do those same nieces went through their old toys (I'm talking very nice stuff here) and brought their dollhouse for our foster daughter. When they did this FD relatives were still being considered and I wasn't sure how to handle things so the dollhouse became part of our household toys and we're waiting to gift the american doll collection until the adoption is final.