[sk8mum]

Hi,
My husband and I just became certified to do foster/adopt through our county(no placement yet). This will be our first child and we desperately want to have a family. The strange thing is we each had been having some anxiety/fears about the big changes coming in our lives AND the lack of control if this child will stay with us or be reunified with the birth parents. Did other people experience this? Is this normal? Let me know your experiences prior to your placement.

Thanks,
erika

[greenmama]

I think it's important to remember that the goal of foster care is reunification with the biofamily. I'd just try to look at it like that until you're told otherwise, so you won't be too let down. Or it could go for you the way it did for us and end up doing straight adoption on a child who is legally free...not what we planned but how it worked out!

[CaddoRose]

I think it is completely normal to have anxiety about the unknown! There is so much that you haven't experienced yet in the fostercare world. When we got our first placement, I just kept my focus on what I needed to do to help the child. I like knowing all the info about the case and what is happening, but it doesn't what I do for the kids. AS an example: I knew my kids were going to go some time in early Jan, but we still had dr appointments at Shriners, a new physical therapist and about 4 weeks before they left a new walker was being ordered. We all just went on as thought they would be here because it's what is best for them.
As you read other stories on the forums, you will find that so much can change so quickly. I just try to maintain a constant schedule so we all have some level of stability in our lives together.

[QueenEsther]

Sk8mum, I've only had my placement for about 3 weeks, but I was just saying to my husband this morning that the spent waiting for him was WAY harder than the time since he was placed.

Every night I wake up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom. While I was waiting, I'd always pass by the nursery and start worrying like crazy - should we be doing this? Would it be a disaster? What would the kid be like? Can we handle this? What if he's sick? What if he's too severe for us? What if we get twins? A quick trip to the bathroom would mean I was awake for half an hour, worrying about all the unknowns.

Now I wake up, go to the bathroom, peek at the kid in the nursery, and go back to sleep, because I'm exhausted! Well, that's true, but also, a lot of the unknowns are gone. We know who the kid is, what his issues are, and even though we don't know how long he'll be with us, we can focus on the plan for tomorrow, and next week, and leave the big questions aside for now.

This is my very, very long way of saying you are normal in this respect. Hang in there. It will happen.