[Perfect7]

We are in the middle of transitioning our new son into our home, and he should be here within two weeks for good. I know he has no pictures from before entering care 3 1/2 years ago, but he's been in the same foster home the whole time. I called the foster mom today to see if we could pay for copies of pictures they may have for a life book for him. Not a SINGLE picture or video in 3 1/2 years. Birthday parties, Christmas, vacations. How does this happen? How am I one day going to explain to my son that nobody cared enough to take a single picture of him before he was ten? I can't wrap my mind around nobody loving this little boy for as long as he lived with them (or at least not caring enough to take a single picture). Is this that common of an occurence? Anybody else dealt with that?

[Happywife]

Oh, that IS sad! I just figured that everyone was required to keep lifebooks. Is this not true for all areas? Little Guy has only been with us for 2 weeks and we have a book 1/3 filled with pictures of him! I simply can't imagine not taking pictures. You're right - it's very sad!

[snc2007]

Speechless...but I am so glad that you have found each other.

[Newshyde]

That's ridiculous! I took almost 300 pictures over Christmas of my foster kiddos and got professional Christmas pictures done that I had the kids give to bioparents for Christmas presents. I can't imagine not taking any pictures.
Sadly I haven't been very good at getting their lifebooks started but the pictures are ready for the books, I just need to find some extra time to get it done!
I'm glad he'll have you to take a million pictures of him!

[Crissy011]

Sounds to me like foster parents that are "in it for the money".....I mean, how can you not take any pictures for that long????? Doesn't make any sense unless you just don't care AT ALL!!

[snc2007]

I just had a thought that maybe there are school pictures you could get copies of. My elementary does individual pics for a yearbook. Even if it's just group photos it's something for him to have later. Also, my cw takes photos at least once a year and I know each child is photographed for their file when they come into care.

I know this is not what you were going for but it would at least be something. It is so sad and of course makes you wonder what else he went without for 10 years.

[chelspark1]

Our kids came to us when they were 12 and 13. They are now 14 and 15 and I have absolutely NO picture of them before they came to live with us.
They are both graduating 8th grade this year (we live in a small town and they will go to high school in another town). The 8th grade parents had a meeting and one of the things discussed was making a plaque of their 8th grade picture and a picture of them when they were younger (like in kindergarten or first grade). I haven't a clue how I'm going to handle this one.

[vegaschristina]

Originally Posted by snc2007

Also, my cw takes photos at least once a year and I know each child is photographed for their file when they come into care.

Our CW takes pictures at each monthly visit with the kids. There is always a current picture in the kids' file.

[greenrobin]

Here is how we handle this.

Find a picture of a kid who looks like it could have been your child at a younger age. Use it.

No, it does not replace the missing pictures, but it helps. It doesn't have to be a secret. It's just something matter-of-fact, "I don't have a picture of you, but this is what a beautiful baby I imagine you were." It's not the best, but it is better than nothing.

Also, the fp may just be people who don't take pictures. I have a friend who has absolutely no pictures of his kids even though he dotes on them. He just doesn't take pictures.

Lifebooks are required, but there are only guidelines about what goes in, not laws that govern it.

It's sad, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world. And since pictures mean a great deal to you, take a ton. Your little one will love to see them.

Good luck.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

Our kids were 3, 5 and 6 at placement and all I have are pictures from the foster home right before us (but that was only for 3 months). We did find bio parents on myspace though and found one more picture of each of the kids, but not much younger than we already had. It breaks my heart. It is so hard and we have to explain it to them someday, when it has nothing to do with us. I am sorry.

[mindfulness]

My kids (ages 8 and 9) were in foster care for 5 1/2 years and we have no photos. They were in the same foster home for all that time and the kids say there are pictures. But the foster mother has refused to give them to them. It's an interstate adoption. I think it's so sad (and mean) that my kids will have no pictures of themselves.

[lucyjoy]

Did the fm want to adopt or object to you as a placement? I don't believe that there aren't any pictures unless the child shredded them. How sad.

[Perfect7]

Thank you everyone. Calling his old school and getting in touch with the photographers is an excellent idea! Surely they took an annuel yearbook photo. There are two pictures they posted of him in the adoption books, so that's two pictures. One is very recent. We've taken tons of pictures and video and I'll now double the effort. I hate to say I also like the idea of finding pictures that look like him when he was younger. Later on it may be easier to deal with in therapy that "mom didn't tell me those pictures weren't me" than "nobody cared". They told us he has no lifebook, so i guess here it's not required (sadly). Newshyde, that's wonderful of you to take so many pictures!!! Nobody cares about the actual book, it's the pictures, memories, and somebody loved them enough to do it. :-)

[Perfect7]

Lucyjoy, she's been acting very cold and stand-offish lately but she's never voiced anything one way or the other. I also find it hard to believe there are no photos since they took the kids out of country on some cruises. Then again, maybe all of the pictures are of her. I know that was uncalled for, but it felt good to say it anyway.

[Mkuhlmann06]

My AS spent 8 yrs in fostercare (age 3 to 11) and life books are required. We got pictures of him around age 7 from one foster home. We also have a picture of his biomom from last year and a picture or two of his biodad from when he was 7. He never even had a lifebook completed on him. Now he was in 14 different placements before me, so he didn't end up arriving with much. He has said most of his foster families didn't take pictures of him nor did anyone buy/keep school yearly pictures. It's very sad and especially when school projects come up just like the one mentioned in the OP.

We're in the process of adopting a second child and she's 11. She has ABSOLUTELY NO PICTURES of herself prior to age 10. She has no pictures of her biomom or biodad. She said her biological mom has some of her as a baby/young kid, but biomom cannot be found (she's in hiding due to warrant/court issues). She's been in fostercare since 2005. She was in one home for 1 1/2 years and her current foster home for a year. So she's had long term/stable placement and still doesn't have pictures to show for it.

I fosterd 2 girls for 6 months, I sent copies of some pictures of them with each visit with their biological parents. I then sent a CD with them to their next long term foster home and emailed most of them to their worker. There were hundreds of pictures as they had been with us for Thanksgiving, Xmas, New Year's, etc.