[mommytoEli]

it is difficult.....our kids were 8 and 9 when they moved in...the group home they were in took down two photos for the kids, so they each had one photo when they moved in, and they were recent. the birthfamily refused to give any pictures to the kiddos. finally their sister sent them ONE picture of them with their mother. that is all they have. it is REALLY hard on them. the only thing we can do is take many pics of them now. they each have their own album, and as i get pictures, i give them copies and they keep their own album. i think it helped in the beginning to have them feel like they were in control over this part of their life, picture wise.

one thing i did hear was i should contact the hospital where they were born, and sometimes there was a newborn pic in their file, but for us, we still can't located their birth records, but i know some families have been successful with that.

i think it is sad that these children have no history in photos.....with all the rules of fostering children, you'd think they'd at least make a family maintain a book of pictures that was at least updated every 6 months for them to take with them. this would be one thing that would actually benefit the child. so sad.

[Perfect7]

Happyhopefulmommy, thank you soooo much for the myspace tip. I just found his biomom on myspace and "lifted" several pictures of her and of him as a baby. Oh what a blessing!!!! I have chills. Now he will have something. Thank you again!!

[My2Guys]

Our 2 AS were in a foster home for 2 years before us, and very few pics were taken. I have nothing of them before they were 2 and 4, with bio parents.

My kindergartener had a class project to bring in a baby pic of himself to include in a book. We have one of him at about 2 1/2so I sent that. I explained to teacher that that is all we were given when they came to us. She understood.

I try to make up for it by taking a million pics of them this past year they have been with us. As we headed to the court house in June for the adoption, my oldest said, "Aren't you going to take you camera today?" I laughed and said, "Do you think I would NOT have my camera today?" He rolled his eyes in his all-knowing 7 year-old way and said, "Oh yeah Mom, of course you have your camera today on the best day of our lives- the day we get adopted!"

I will never forget the way he looked when he said that... camera or no camera, that picture will always be in my head.

[stilldeciding]

I can NOT imagine not taking pictures. We are awaiting a match for a child...and when our caseworker came over and saw our walls we had so many pictures that he just stood there in shock!!! We have 2 bio kids and literally took major pictures of them 6 times a year for the first 6-8 years and then went to 4 times a year, and we did at least 6 poses per child EACH TIME PLUS all the snapshots! Our boys are now 12 and 10 and are very, very VERY well documented. I think its awful that this wonderful child doesn't have these memories to reflect back on! In our case, we KNOW no matter what our new child does or does not have in regards to pictures...DH and I know that we will be sad but will quickly make up the photos as pictures are extremely important to us and always have been to our family. We love to see our boys up on the wall and it gives them a sense that that do matter and that we love them so much that we want to see them eveywhere they look. Every child deserves that. I have known people who aren't big into pictures..but for us..its just too important. I am so glad that you and this child found each other! And am excited for all of you that he will be photographed now from now on! God Bless you!

[Perfect7]

Thank you everyone. I also like the idea of getting his newborn picture from the hospital. We'll probably have to wait until the adoption is finalized, though. Someone had recently asked about changing adoption laws..that would be my new law. Children should have a picture of them taken at least every 6 months, or at least birthdays and Christmas. I understand some people aren't big into pictures and that's okay. But it's for the kids, not for them. Pictures may be all they ever have of their past when they have already lost so much. Maybe I will crusade for that in our state. :-)

[vernellinnj]

FWIW, my mom (I am not adopted) has one photo of me as an infant the next one is at 4yrs old. It may not be a foster family that's "in it for the money". Maybe they just didn't take pictures.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by Perfect7

We are in the middle of transitioning our new son into our home, and he should be here within two weeks for good. I know he has no pictures from before entering care 3 1/2 years ago, but he's been in the same foster home the whole time. I called the foster mom today to see if we could pay for copies of pictures they may have for a life book for him. Not a SINGLE picture or video in 3 1/2 years. Birthday parties, Christmas, vacations. How does this happen? How am I one day going to explain to my son that nobody cared enough to take a single picture of him before he was ten? I can't wrap my mind around nobody loving this little boy for as long as he lived with them (or at least not caring enough to take a single picture). Is this that common of an occurence? Anybody else dealt with that?

That is sad. I'm wondering if the foster parents have the pictures, but are just too lazy to make the copies, so said "no".

I've always taken TONS of pictures of my foster children, including getting professional photo's made. However my last kids had the same problem...their foster parent had not taken ANY photos of them. I will say this, their adoption caseworker started taking pictures of them as soon as they became her case, which was before she found an adoptive family.

[Mom2blessings]

Originally Posted by snc2007

I just had a thought that maybe there are school pictures you could get copies of. My elementary does individual pics for a yearbook. Even if it's just group photos it's something for him to have later. Also, my cw takes photos at least once a year and I know each child is photographed for their file when they come into care.

I know this is not what you were going for but it would at least be something. It is so sad and of course makes you wonder what else he went without for 10 years.

I was thinking the same thing and also, would the hospital still have their photos? I was thinking of contacting our childrens hospitals to ask if they kept the kids photos on record...or maybe the photographer would?

[MamaKnkids]

My daughter is 16, still has contact with bio family, but only has around 10 pictures of herself as a child. None of when she was a baby. Several from her first foster home, but there are YEARS missing. It is sad. I am thinking about contacting her family for more at some point. Some of them are OK people..?!?

Sorry for your little man.

[NotAMomYet]

It is too bad, but I would NOT tell the child that there are no photos because no one cared about him. Tell him there are no photos, fine, but not for lack of caring. It would be less damaging for the kid to hear "yeah, they weren't into photos" than "they weren't into you".

Some people are just not photo people. That doesn't mean they don't care, or that they are fostering for the money. I know people that own very nice cameras and are amazing parents who would be hard pressed to find a photo of their child.

[arkansas parent]

Originally Posted by Perfect7

Thank you everyone. I also like the idea of getting his newborn picture from the hospital. We'll probably have to wait until the adoption is finalized, though. Someone had recently asked about changing adoption laws..that would be my new law. Children should have a picture of them taken at least every 6 months, or at least birthdays and Christmas. I understand some people aren't big into pictures and that's okay. But it's for the kids, not for them. Pictures may be all they ever have of their past when they have already lost so much. Maybe I will crusade for that in our state. :-)

I contacted the hopital where T was born and they said they could not give me any info/pictures. That was a couple years ago I may try again.

[sundara]

My four kids (all sibs) had 2 or 3 pics of bio parents when they arrived (the kids were removed from bio home at ages 5 thru 10), and a few pics from their time in foster care, but not very many. The various homes did have issues, some were warehouses for kids, others were abusive, and some tried to be nice but had their own issues that resulted in moves for my kids.

The worst part is that prior to TPR, my kids' BMom knew it was coming, and despite the kids begging & pleading with her for copies of their photos b/c they knew they'd be adopted soon, BMom refused to give them any. (I think she wanted to use it as a means to get them to come see her at 18...? It worked with my 2nd oldest kid who turned 18 this last year.)

Anyway, after a few years of living with us, when I found out that their old trailer home was abandoned, we took the kids to there & found some pictures of every kid (some baby photos, some school photos) & we also found some disposable cameras that had used film & got those developed - voila - more pics of the kids at an early age!

Still, it was tough on the kids (they'd not been to that trailer since the day they were put into Foster Care) & it triggered a lot of stuff for them, even though we got some positives out of it (pics, visiting with nearby old friends that did not if the kids were alive or not, etc).

This is one of the sadder parts of being an Aparent or Fparent - the crazy things folks do for their own selfish reasons that end up hurting our kids. I wish I could say withholding pics are the worst of it, but in my kids' case, it is just the tip of a very large iceburg.

[Perfect7]

Sundara, it's so great you were able to find some pictures of the kids when they were younger!
I would never tell our son that his bioparents or the foster parents didn't care, I don't believe that for either of them but wouldn't tell him that if I did. I think maybe some people just don't realize how important pictures are to a child who has already lost their entire past. It's really all they have because there's nobody to tell them all the cute things they did when they were little, or how their tiny noses crinkled up when they smiled. Pictures at least help to bridge the gap a little, imo. The good news is that, even though he wont arrive until next week, he already has a nice 8x10 hanging on the wall with the other kiddos.

[stilldeciding]

My reason for taking major pics of my kids and pics of a child we hope to adopt is this...when I was in my early 20's I found out MY Dad, a wonderful man, was NOT my biological father, but he signed my birth certificate at birth....my Mom was my bio Mom..but for years this left a void in my life as I knew little about the other half of my genetics. I know WHO my biological Father is and briefly spoke to him and saw him by chance a few times. But I was pretty confused for a few years about everything till my adoptive Dad passed away suddenly and immediately I "THOUGHT" I could replace him, by going after my bio Dad. But as soon as I thought that..I collapsed in tears as I realized just at that moment WHO my REAL DAD was..and it was the one who had just died. After that I had no interest in EVER pursuing my bio Dad again...just last year he died and I realized yet again..as I felt no emotion that I had buried MY Father years and years before. But one thing I have never forgot is this....though I have realized that God put MY Dad in my life and never in a million years would I have chosen a better Dad for ME...not knowing or having any history with the OTHER people in my bio dads life has haunted me. I didn't need another dad, he was irreplaceable....but I would have liked to know my bio Dads other kids...my sisters and brothers. I have seen some pics of them, but not many...and for me...this is what I think of WHY pictures are SO important. My adoptive Dad always told me ALL the time, how important "memories" we're...he spoke of that daily and he told me that memories we're all we could take with us at the end of our lives and he lived that mantra his whole life. I too, live that mantra now more then ever after losing him. I took a lot of photos before I lost him, now today I take so many photos, because it gives me the feeling he is still here...as well as it gives me the memory of my kids giving them memories of their life with us. And in return this gives me joy to know that though I miss many things from my own childhood, not knowing half of my other family that likely I will never know. That I have the opportunity to make my own memories with my kids. And God willing WHEN we adopt...I will know just how important and valuable those things are to my new child. You can't go back and take photos once the moment has passed but you can build a wealth of history, memories and love of every passing day with pictures and videos. My kids look up on the wall each day around our house, as 100's of huge photos decorate our wall...and I have hundreds more. I took my kids pictures, professionally 6 times a year and also got their school photos too...now as they have gotten older, 12 and 10 I take them 3 times a year as it gets more difficult to find room to hang all the photos. You could say I am a memory addict...but I know someday down the road they will be adults and will look back and say that we cared so much for them, that every moment and ever time was so valuable and so important that we took the time to photograph them. EVERY child deserves to have that feeling..that they are SO important, so valuable...and so loved!

[waitngforastar]

we have a son adopted from Russia. Before we left the orphanage they told us we could have his pictures and a video of him for a donation of $50 US dollars. I was so mad at the time, I felt like his pictures belonged to him. I mean I am glad I have them but really, I have 12 whole pictures of him from the orphanage, taken every month on or around the date of his birth. plus 3 minutes of video taken at the same time. I was so mad about $50 for 12 photos and a few minutes of his life on video but now that I read your post I realize they are priceless.