[seabird]

Hi, I am new to the board. We are considering fostering to adopt a young girl...between 3-5. We haven't decided for sure if fostering is the right choice yet, we have been to a meeting and we are considering it. I don't want to say this wrong...but for those who have adopted after fostering....a child in this range, are you happy? Can you find a child this age that is pretty normal, meaning fitted in well with your family (for we do have other kids), who just needed a good home? I know there will be emotional types of things, we can handle that but we can't handle a child that would severely disrupt our home with extreme behavior or serious issues. The safety and well being is most important with my other kids. But we would love to welcome a young girl who needs a loving home. Just wondering, if there are pretty normal kids in foster care. I am probably not phrasing it right. Also, do children in this age become available often or is mostly older? Thank you for your input. This is a big decision!

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by seabird

We are considering fostering to adopt a young girl...between 3-5. Just wondering, if there are pretty normal kids in foster care.

I've foster several kids in the 3-5 age range-only one had serious issues where I had to have her moved. The others were fine-not perfect but no serious behaviors that couldn't be dealt with. In my experience, MOST foster kids are good kids-not perfect but not out of control. They are all dealing with grief and separation issues. They miss their families. The grief from missing their families can be overwhelming for them for the first month or so-and their behavior reflects this. They grew up with different rules and different lifestyles. It takes a while for everyone to adjust. However, most kids do okay.

I have children 22 months, 3 and 10. I'm currently open for a girl between the ages of 3 and 8. It's definately an age group that I enjoy.

Every age group (from infants on up) can have a child with serious issues like attachment problems. No age group is immune to it. Children 3-5 may have experienced more but they are also at an age when you can talk to them and they can participate in therapy. There are a lot of positives with this age range

[Dmommab]

adopted 3 from foster care & have legal custody of another. We have 2 that have pretty severe problems & 2 that are "normal". GOOD LUCK TO YOU!

[mommytoEli]

i think that even "normal" kids in foster care are going to have some abnormal issues. when children lose their families, culture, home, lives, everything, there will be some residual effects for some time to come. merely spending time labelled as a foster child is very hard...even for a three year old. be sure that your agency is talking to you about problems children may have as a result of these tremendous losses. that being said, i have met plenty of children in foster care, or children that were adopted from foster care, in this age range, who have minimal issues that would be seemingly "normal." but all of them have loss issues.

we can't handle a child that would severely disrupt our home with extreme behavior or serious issues.

sometimes, behaviors and issues take a while to come out. sometimes, workers are less than honest about what they know about the issues and behaviors. we had this happen to us with our first placement.....after that, we decided, for us, that we would only take kids in birth order to "help" protect the children already in our home. but even doing that is not a guarantee. my guy eli is almost 3 now...he has been with us since he was 10 months old. as far as we know, he was not a victim of any type of abuse. however, i am pretty sure i see some signs of loss issues with him.....he also has sensory integration disorder which causes LOTS of disruptions in our routine...and sleep. sometimes his behaviors are very stressful. sometimes he is very agressive. and we've had him since he was an infant. so you just never know. all kids are resilient.....but all kids are different. how they will bounce back and heal is so different from child to child....even those that are more normal than others.

good luck.

[Mystik]

I honestly don't know anything yet about fostering that specific age group, but I just wanted to chime in and say that often times while fostering we find out that we can actually deal with a whole lot more then we ever thought we could when it comes to these kiddo's. The other thing is that when it comes to fostering we have every right to request to have a child moved who turns out to be more than we can deal with. Of course it's a hard thing to request to do, but we as foster parents have that right and we have a responsibility to protect & put the best interests of our families first.... and really everyone's realities are so different. What one may consider normal another may consider disruptive. Only you will be able to tell what type of child will fit best with your family, and you most likely find that the "click" won't happen immediately, relationships & bonds take time & nurture to grow & prosper.

[Perfect7]

Seabird, I don't know where to find any healthy and normal kids at all, ha ha! I have one with glasses who had kidney problems when she was younger, one with high cholesterol and weight problems, one with bipolar and the other...well, it's a boy. None were adopted. We are now in the middle of adopting one with autism. I think healthy and normal is defined differently for everyone. My idea of normal was a child who wasn't violent with the other children, who could feed himself, and who could use the restroom independently. :-)

[snc2007]

Perfect7, Love your answer and your attitude!

Seabird, We are hoping to adopt our current placement. She was 3.5 yo when she came to us (now 4 going on 15). She has some emotional issues and has dealt with so much loss in her short life. Her biggest problem now is that she is afraid she will get "another new mommy" and have to move again. Hopefully we can clear that up with an adoption early next year! Otherwise, she is exceptional. She is smart, sassy, sweet, loving, funny, beautiful... Best of luck to you finding your girl!

[HappyHopefulMommy]

I think any kid from foster care will have some sort of emotionally problems of some sort. We were strictly doing fost/adopt and have a sib set of 4. We will be finalizing in 2 months. But the 2 girls were 3 and 5 at placement. The are "normal", but needs lots of love, attention and affection. They both have a therapist, but are very sweet little girls. We are glad that are part of our family.

[atouchofheaven]

well, my son was younger when placed and he had problems that disrupted our lives. he's our first so it only impacted us instead of potentially hurting other children, so we could handle it. but i have to say, it was worse than i thought it would be. and harder than i thought it would be and my son was only 15 months when we got him. now he's 2.5 and still a handful (although much better than he was). i think every kid is different and there are certainly kids that adapt and adjust better, faster, and easier than others. i would be more concerned, if i were you, about temperment. i think that has a lot to do with the behaviors you will encounter. my son is fiesty, willful, and a fighter, so when he acts out, it's aggressive. other kids may retreat inward, get depressed, and that sort of thing. you might have better chances with a more mellow or easy going kid. just my opinion and i only have one experience to base it on. but i mostly agree with everyone else that foster kids can be disruptive and you never know what they'll bring. a child can be seemingly very easy then 6 months later, have HUGE problems. fostering is always a risk.