[sonya47]

Originally Posted by Lorraine123

Realize that sexually abused children don't come from loving, safe, moral homes. They have likely seen violence, crimes, pornography, etc. So, even if they aren't sexually acting out, they will have life experiences that your daughter does not. Realize that they will be teaching your daughter things that you may not like. They may cuss, they may lie, they may steal. Just because they currently aren't sexually acting out doesn't mean they won't in the future (the trauma of movign to your home could trigger it). Or they may be sexually acting out and no one knows. Be cautious. Do not let them share bedrooms. Do not let them play together unsupervised.

I came from a loving safe and moral home but was sexually abused as a child by someone that wasn't a member of my family. I never acted out and didn't speak of the situation until my late 20's because I knew what happened was wrong and I was embarrassed.
These are children that didn't ask for this to happen to them. Children may try to repeat things that are done to them or things they have seen, but as a parent it's our job to explain to them what is and isn't acceptable behavior. Many kids go through a stage where they discover touching themselves and how that makes them feel but don't realize that it's something that should only be done privately. Acting out sexually should be handled with the same loving correction. There's such a large population of people that have been sexually abused that turned out fine that I don't think should should completely close the door on the kids that you KNOW have been because there are probably people that you interact with on a DAILY basis that have gone through the same thing but just have kept that information private. Unfortunately sexual abuse is so common that many kids in foster care (and a lot that aren't) have been abused but their parents or caseworkers don't know about it. You may have a child in you home for months or even years before you find out. You may find out from something as simple as a conversation and not from sexually acting out.
If you wouldn't turn your back on a biological child that was abused because they may act out on a biological sibling, please try to be a little open minded for the foster children that have been abused.
I say all this having 2 biological children of my own and NEVER wanting them to go through what I went through.

[Perfect7]

I think my reply was misunderstood. Certainly there are people who were sexually abused in loving, safe, and moral homes. My mother was sexually abused by an uncle who did not live there and her loving, safe, and moral mother kept her away from the sicko. My mother was not placed into foster care. My best friend was sexually abused by her father and her mother chose to remain with the pervert. My best friend grew up in foster care. Her mother was not loving, moral, and safe with other issues to deal with (except her own selfishness). She was just as guilty imo. The post referred to children who were removed from their parents and placed into foster care, and who were sexually abused and acting out. I guess I'm having a hard time understanding what's safe, moral, and loving about parents who have had their children removed and their rights subsequently terminated. I could say they were loving in some situations, but safe and moral doesn't fall anywhere into drugs, physical abuse, or neglect. I know there are VERY safe, loving, and moral homes in which the children were abused unbenownst to the parents. Foster children are in care because at home there was no safe and moral situation for them. I was not speaking of people who were sexually abused in general. The post was about a sexually abused child in foster care who was available for adoption, therefore, a judge already ruled the home was at least not safe. Loving and moral may be argueable, but doubtful. All I was saying is that if the poster came from a safe, loving, and moral home it is doubtful other comments to the original poster pertained, as she would not have been a foster child. Then again, maybe I'm just confused?

[akcskye]

My children were both sexually abused.

It was a very short exposure (at least any of it that was reported), however, to me, SA is still SA, no matter how many "buts, it wasn't this or that" you put over it.

So, with that said, neither one has ever acted out.

There was a report in my son's disclosure that said he asked a female to see her privates...but I think to myself...what 7 year old boy isn't curious?

Do I say that it's from the SA and it's a pattern? Do I say "boys will be boys"?

Do I say NO just because of something in a profile when I haven't seen it up front myself?

Long story short...it's not happened, even though both of my kids know WAY more than I ever did at their age.

It's my job that they see the HEALTHY side of sex, and not the garbage they saw and were exposed to.

It was my job to let them know they could ALWAYS talk to me about it, and that it was NEVER their fault.

They weren't so cute it was bound to happen, they didn't wear clothes that made them more prone to it, etc...they just were allowed to be with a person whom the family chose to watch them when mom wanted to make out with her boyfriend all the way rather than just groping and mauling him in front of the kids.

I also explain to my daughter that she is still a virgin, and is to expect to be treated as such, and never to let a boy say "if you were already molested, you're not a virgin" to give in to sex.

Of course, I do not have younger kids in the home, either...but dang...you just can't go by everything in a disclosure.

[Perfect7]

Very well said Akcskye! My ds has been caught peeking under the bathroom doors when his sisters are taking a bath and he was not sa. Sometimes, boys will just be boys.