[Scrapsathome]

We were told a couple of weeks ago that both bio parents and everyone involved in the case were in agreement about adoption at the last court hearing for "Brother" and "Snow White". The termination date is set for December 11th. Yesterday we had a visit with mom for her to say good-bye and to get a complete family medical history from her. She showed up and announced that she's changed her mind and is going to try to get her kids back. She says her GAL told her it would take a long time and a lot of work, but it could happen.

I don't see it as being very likely since she is currently living in a residential treatment center for people with mental/emotional problems, has no job, no family who will help her, and has attempted suicide more than once in the past two months. What I'm afraid of is that she will be able to drag things out for a year or so. Judging by yesterday's visit I think it's going to be extremely hard on the kids. I'm just hoping that the judge will be able to see this as another in a series of impulsive decisions that is completely unrealistic and decide to go ahead and terminate rights next month.

So now we wait.

Jess

[irelady10]

I was in your shoes last July, and I felt your pain and frustration!

Bio mom and dad said they were going to do an identified surrender in 7/08; then, changed their mind. Back then I was so naieve, and was soooo excited about this news- didn't even consider that they would change their mind! They requested services to be reunified in September. Then, 6 weeks later, signed an identified surrender in court. Things can change on a dime! These bios went back and forth so much...it was really hard to deal with!

Stay strong and hang on for the roller coaster ride that is fost/adopt!

[athikers]

My daughter's birth parents also did this... and then changed their minds again. I would tell you to try to stay calm, but I have been there and it is impossible. So, I'll go with "hang in there" instead!

[carlychan]

My FS birth mom told the court she was going to relinguish last summer. Of course, within a couple of months she changed her mind too. I think a lot of times BP say what they think the people around them want to here (judges, SW, FP, etc.). My FS birthmom wasn't working her plan at all. She told the SW and judge she wanted to relinguish so they would "get off her back." Of course, once her family found out they talked her out of it. So, good luck. Take everything the BP say with a grain of salt. Generally, they don't have kids in the system because they are great, honest, stable people.

[Boulderbabe]

If you've got a TPR date, I do not think I would worry. It's an involuntary TPR, right? Are you going up in front of Judge Melonakis? Then I would *definitely* not worry. He's really child centered and will do the right thing.

The county attorney would not have filed for TPR if she didn't have enough evidence for the case to go forward. And the judge or magistrate wouldn't have let it go forward if there wasn't enough evidence to terminate. In 30 years in Colorado, there hasn't been a TPR overturned on appeal. So if you've got a date, I think all you have to do is hold on for the ride.

[Kat-L]

With "Brandon", b-mom agreed to do an identified surrender in January 08. This was AFTER completing her case plan and was scheduled to reunite in a few weeks. She changed her mind two weeks later after telling her family about her plans (same family that will not step up and care for baby or help b-mom get custody). I had been so happy and like Irelady, it never even occured to me that she'd change her mind. She requested continued services and was given a new case plan. Over the last 11 months, I've never known how the case would go. The goal was changed to reunion after she changed her mind about surrendering. She never managed to complete the few things she needed. At the one year mark, the judge gave her another 3 months and told her that was it. About a month before court, she found friends of hers who agreed to do guardianship. They backed out a few weeks later. Then, right before the court hearing, b-mom asked to do an identified surrender before court. So..in my case, we had to wait it out. It was a long year but in the end it was worth it.

[snc2007]

Kat-L, I'm biting my nails just reading about what you went through with Brandon! Is it over yet?

Jess, I hope everything is resolved quickly for the children's sake. Hang in there!

[c.a]

Our case went back and forth for a few months (after numerous delays and continuances). In the weeks prior to the final scheduled TPR date, his Birth mom had changed her mind each day for ten days straight and I was losing the ability to remember what position it was.

About one week before the trial I told the social worker that I just didn't want to have any more updated on her position. I was ready to go to trial. I prepared myself for the trial and a potential appeal. I was ready to testify. I was ready to wait. Getting off the "roller coaster" and just preparing myself for the long-haul picture helped calm me in those final days.

In the end she did agree to TPR - and we negotiated an open adoption agreement. So far - it seems to be working better than anyone expected.

[Scrapsathome]

I bumped into the GAL at a separate court case today. She asked how things were going and I told her about the visit with bio mom a week ago. I also told her that "Snow White" has been crying every night at bedtime now because her mom upset her so badly by telling her that she's getting a new place soon and "Snow White" and "Brother" will be coming to live with her.

The GAL said that there is no chance that termination will not happen since this is the second time that bio mom has come to this point. Last time she had a last minute reprieve because her aunt stepped in to accept joint custody. Now that aunt has shown that she is unfit and unwilling to care for the kids so there is no one left.

I'm feeling more hopeful now, but this is the same GAL who was absolutely certain that we'd be adopting our other little girl who ended up being RU'd back in June. We've learned not to get our hopes up too much because you never know what could change.

Jess

[shy_bear]

Originally Posted by Boulderbabe

If you've got a TPR date, I do not think I would worry. It's an involuntary TPR, right? Are you going up in front of Judge Melonakis? Then I would *definitely* not worry. He's really child centered and will do the right thing.

The county attorney would not have filed for TPR if she didn't have enough evidence for the case to go forward. And the judge or magistrate wouldn't have let it go forward if there wasn't enough evidence to terminate. In 30 years in Colorado, there hasn't been a TPR overturned on appeal. So if you've got a date, I think all you have to do is hold on for the ride.

Things in this county have changed A LOT. Melonakis is no longer hearing these cases it is Delgado and she has denied TPR on two cases from this county this year. One of the kids had been with the f/a family for two years and ended up going back to biomom. Delgado believes in preserving the birthfamily at all costs. We are staying clear of this county b/c there are so many ?'s lately with placements.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by snc2007

Kat-L, I'm biting my nails just reading about what you went through with Brandon! Is it over yet?

Court accepted her identified surrender on the Monday before Thanksgiving. We go to mediation on 1/7 to determing how "open" the adoption will be. It's a four hour meeting!

[c.a]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

Court accepted her identified surrender on the Monday before Thanksgiving. We go to mediation on 1/7 to determing how "open" the adoption will be. It's a four hour meeting!

That is great news. Hopefully you can now relax a little and enjoy the holidays with your family.

I actually wish we could have had formal mediation. I would have liked the oportunity to introduce myself to my son's bmom before starting post adoption visits.

I hope you don't stress too much about the mediation - and know that doing the mediation after a voluntary surrender puts you primarily in the drivers seat. If she doesn't like the terms you propose in the mediation, she really has no recourse.

Good luck.