[Withay]

should a potential adoptive family be given regarding:

1) the child(ren)'s family background

2) the biological parents

3) medical/behavioral/abuse issues

4) learning difficulties

Are there any other areas regarding the child/bio-parents that you would like to know about?

What information should be given pre-placement vs post-placement?

[Sam-N-Tony]

I think they should be given absolutely everything available to them. I think it sets people up when they do not disclose everything and should be in violation of something.

I also, think they should allow you to speak to every foster parent that has had these children. The only people that will give you a real hands on experience are the people who lives with these children.

I'm big on knowing about any sexual abuse history. For me it could be a deal breaker, so that is one of my most important things to find out.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

I agree. I think everything possible should be disclosed. And I think it should all be given pre-placement. I have a freind who has adopted through foster care and she told me not to believe the workers. And I should have listened to her. There are a lot of things about our kids that we learned after placement, that I wish I knew ahead of time.

And I too wish they would give more info from previous foster homes. I have NOTHING for my kids from before me. No pictures, and I would love to talk to the other 7 foster families. (we did toal to the last one, where we picked them up from).

[melissa_bear003]

Originally Posted by Sam-N-Tony

I think they should be given absolutely everything available to them. I think it sets people up when they do not disclose everything and should be in violation of something.

I also, think they should allow you to speak to every foster parent that has had these children. The only people that will give you a real hands on experience are the people who lives with these children.

I'm big on knowing about any sexual abuse history. For me it could be a deal breaker, so that is one of my most important things to find out.

Completely agree. What possible benefit could there be to NOT disclosing anything and everything available? Better to be completely informed before making a decision than to base something on partial information and end up disrupting a placement/adoption because the family isn't prepared or cannot deal with issues they weren't aware of.

[Withay]

Just for clarification, I agree that EVERYTHING known about the child(ren) should be REQUIRED to be disclosed. If there is anything regarding any type of medical issue that even could be passed down through the generations (even if it skips generations) I believe that the potential adoptive family needs to know this.

Someone asked me what I thought should be disclosed so I thought a thread about it would be good.

[Perfect7]

EVERYTHING before even meeting the child. After just spending a 4 day weekend and an untold amount of money to visit a child in an undisclosed state, I can attest that we would not have gone had full disclosure been provided first. The case worker still refuses to provide exact reasons the child was removed from custody, citing that it affects the mother's confidentiality. Anybody ever heard of white out and xerox copies?
I think the reason info wasn't disclosed to us is because they knew no sane person would come if they knew everything, and they were hoping the emotions would cloud our judgement after meeting the child. We are now more the wiser.

[Sam-N-Tony]

I think what happens is that CW want to get these kids into an adoptive home as quick as possible. They don't want them to stick in eternal foster care. So what they fail to disclose might be deal breakers for some families. Unfortunately, what they would much prefer is that a home that is willing to take them, will find out some of their "other" issues as they go along and by then they might be emotionally invested in these children.

The most common things hidden are behavioral and emotional issues. I think when you talk about a child on paper it can always be and sound so much worse. My newest placement they told me he had behavior issues, was very defiant etc. he sounded horrible. He's not that bad, LOL. By no means am I saying that he's great but I've dealt with much worse.

I think what a lot of people need to remember is that just because a child acts out or is "terrible" in one house it does not necessarily mean that they will be that way in your home. Family dynamics and different parenting make huge differences.

[sages910]

Absolutley all the information available, regardless of the time it takes to copy, print, send, fax or ship.
My hysband and I received the current information on our son from the social worker, but it was only the current files. We have 2 small photo albums, and an album put together by bio-mom during her TRP hearing. I know he is lucky to have this information to look at later when he asks. Not everyone gets that opportunity.
2 weeks before the adoption, we received via personal delivery the balance of the files, 5 large brown legal type folders that stand about a foot high. Contained much more information than we were given on the first/second pass through. Nothing bad enough to make us change our minds, just stuff that would have made the transition for him easier if we had known.
I made a pest of myself asking anyone who had access to them, and I would recommend the same to anyone.
~Sage

[Krispy]

I agree that you should/need to get all information available to you. If there are problems later, you may be asked to do a Developmental History for Special Education services. You will be asked all sorts of questions. The info could be vital for medical and educational purposes.

[akcskye]

This is EXACTLY what had happened with my son.

On paper, he had been put in a residential treatment facility when he was 5 for a month because he caught a blanket on fire and supposedly was abusive to the family dog.

Then, he was removed from a foster care placement for the weekend because he chased his sister with a hatchet.

He also supposedly asked a girl if he could see her privates.

Being a new parent, all of this stuff alarmed me, but my husband and I had long agreed if we got any matches, we should at least meet the child(ren) to see if what was on paper is how they were in person.

I was the only one to EVER question:

1. How could a 5 year old have access to a cigarette lighter to start a fire? What did he do to the dog? He had pulled it's tail and made it yelp. Well, what 5 year old doesn't pull a dog's tail until the mom says NO or it's, unfortunately, bit or growled at by the dog if the mom isn't watching.
2. Why was a 7 year old allowed access to a hatchet (it was later disclosed that his sister gave chase, and he just didn't put the hatchet down in the excitement...COMPLETELY different scenario than on paper!)
3. Aren't 7 year old boys and girls naturally curious at that age (about seeing privates?)...he had offered to show her his if she showed him hers...but that part was never allowed to sink in because of the bad boy they were trying to make him.

He's now 11 and is the star on his basketball team and an A/B student, and remarkably well adjusted.

My daughter, OTOH, was made out to be a saint, and she was QUITE the master manipulator when we met...those adorable dimples got her everything and she couldn't see why that couldn't continue with our family.

That attitude has since been corrected, and she is now 12 and is also the star on her basketball team, and an incredible student and well adjusted, too!

I cringe had I just believed what was on paper and backed out...we'd have sure missed out on some good times with our kiddos!

Originally Posted by Sam-N-Tony

I think when you talk about a child on paper it can always be and sound so much worse.