[Godsbiggerplan721]

My husband and I are sort of just making final decisions on doing foster/adopt.

Due to my migraine headaches there is no healthy way for me to get pregnant.

I guess I just was hoping to hear from some people foster/adopting in Ohio and your stories?

Thanks so much
Leslie

[Mkap]

My husband and I are foster to adopt parents through Summit County Children's Services. We got licensed in Sept 06 but have really only started accepting placements recently. the reason being is that we only wanted to receive calls on kids that were already in PC. That didn't work out well - they never called. Then our neighbors directly across the street got licensed and their first call was a foster baby, they said yes and within a month they found out that the mom didn't want her and that they would get to adopt her. That got our juices stirring and we called CSB and decided to take placements and just take a chance. So far we're on our third baby. We're hoping/praying that we get to keep her, but it's too soon to tell. It's a hard journey but well worth the effort in the end - or so I'm told.
Any other information I can share, just ask.

[Godsbiggerplan721]

May I ask, why are you foster adopting? Are you unable to have children? Please feel free to say you'd rather not answer.

How do you handle letting them go? Is it just the understanding that you know they needed you for that time?

Thanks so much

[Mkap]

I don't mind you asking at all. I can't have children. I have had some serious health issues in the past (am better now). I had to take chemo and am now unable to get pregnant. In all honesty, we are not in a financial position to adopt through a private service. We chose to foster to adopt because it seemed like a good thing to do for the kids. They need us, we need them - you know? But it's way harder emotionally than I anticipated. I don't have any answers on how to deal with letting them go. They go and we have to move on. It's very difficult. I don't know how long I can do it. If we don't get a permanent placement we may have to step back and reevaluate our plan. I don't know. It's all fairly new to us.

[Godsbiggerplan721]

Thank you for being honest with me, that means a lot.

This is all new to me and scary and my husband is still very ummm nervous and worried.

He grew up in a house with parents who have a set opinion on adopted children, and he's struggling to get past their point of view.

I'm encouraging him to understand what I think is his biggest issue and that is having to give kids back. I truly feel that God will put these children in our lives and regardless of how long they are with us I know we will have served a purpose for that time. I think what makes this all easier for me is number one, this is my career field so to speak, number two, I want to be a mom and know in my heart that God has a plan that does not involve me being pregnant. What I think is harder for my husband to grasp is that as far as we know I'm perfectly "able" to carry a baby. But I'd have to stop my migraine medication and for me personally that isn't an option--I can't risk my health and possibly my baby's health just to be a mom by pregnancy. It also scares me to think I'd bring a baby into this world that would struggle with these same awful migraines that I do.

You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. I'll be praying that this little girl be the one for you.

Leslie

[Mkap]

I think you are wise to not compromise your health for the sake of being pregnant. I am the same way. I guess there is a chance that I could still conceive but at what cost to my health and the health of the baby? I just consider it a mute point now.
I hope that your husband can come to terms with the foster to adopt process. It is not easy and if you are both not completely comitted I imagine it could become a bit touchy. I wish you both the best of luck on this long and twisting path you are embarking on.

[dreamangel]

Ohio here also. We decided to foster-adopt due to the fact of me having endometriosis and my husband having cystic fibrosis (2yr post celebrations of bi-lateral lung transplant receipent on Sept 4th 08 ) Private adoption is out of the question, I can't justify thousands of dollars when there are hungry people out there. These agencies need to not black market babies! Oh I don't want to get started on this subject Anyway, we chose childrens services. Yes there may be heartache but to me it will be worth it to hae had a minute with this little one. I pray God does what is best for her. I agree with you on your health issues. Migraines are nothing to be sneezed at, it is very serious and extremely painful. To give up your medication would be crazy. I bleieve my child is out there also, I am meantto be a mommy. I told my husband, I don't want to be pregnant, I just want to be a mom.

God bless you on your journey!

[Godsbiggerplan721]

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts. I'm not putting biological children completely out of the picture. The medical world changes so much, I pray that they do find a medication that is safe to take while pregnant or that I find relief from my migraines--but ultimately we just want to be parents!

My husband and I are expecting information from our local children services department and have agreed to spend time daily in prayer together about this. In an ideal world we'd like to be accepting placements in about a year.

Leslie

[ssmurfe]

We are also in Ohio. We are unable to have children due to a genetic condition. So we decided to foster to adopt, since adoption is so expensive. We were approved in Feb 07. We got some calls for foster placements of large groups or very sick children. In June 07 we got a call for two boys age 3 and 4. They already had over 15 foster to adopt parents say, "no". We met the boys and they seemed like pretty normal boys and looked just like us. We had been warned that the older boy had some issues, but they were not evident during the 1 pre-placement visit we had. We were told this was a strong foster to adopt situation. So the boys moved in at the end of June. The first weekend with the boys was a huge eye opener. The oldest boy was everything you hear about in the pre-training classes that everybody says they can not handle. We tried to put our notice in, but stuck it out. The bio mom got her act together once they filed for PC, so the boys stayed with us year before they went with her this June 08. During that time we had taught the oldest boy (RAD) empathy, love, and attachment. Both boys had attachment issues, but were attaching and healing. The county had labeled them "unhelpable", by the time they originally came to our home, but they got better with our patience, structure, faith, love, and sense of humor. Everybody could see the progress these boys had made with us, but in the end the mother was "clean" so she got them back. After two months, I hear that the oldest was put on antidepressents, then diagnosed bi-polar and put on mood stabilizers. Both boys are carrying our picture around everywhere and the bio mom will not let us have any contact with them, because we are a "threat". The mom has a personality disorder. The county has dropped the PC case against her, even though she lost her job and the boys are doing poorly. Many people expect her to fail again in the next 6 to 12 months.

I hope I have not scared you from foster to adopt, but this is the experience we have had so far. A month ago in our paper I read that our county is sending home drug addicted babies with their mothers, rather than putting them into care.

Some people have good luck with the process and are able to adopt right away and others go years having to say goodbye to many children that they loved as their own.

[MommyAlysia]

Originally Posted by ssmurfe

We are also in Ohio. We are unable to have children due to a genetic condition. So we decided to foster to adopt, since adoption is so expensive. We were approved in Feb 07. We got some calls for foster placements of large groups or very sick children. In June 07 we got a call for two boys age 3 and 4. They already had over 15 foster to adopt parents say, "no". We met the boys and they seemed like pretty normal boys and looked just like us. We had been warned that the older boy had some issues, but they were not evident during the 1 pre-placement visit we had. We were told this was a strong foster to adopt situation. So the boys moved in at the end of June. The first weekend with the boys was a huge eye opener. The oldest boy was everything you hear about in the pre-training classes that everybody says they can not handle. We tried to put our notice in, but stuck it out. The bio mom got her act together once they filed for PC, so the boys stayed with us year before they went with her this June 08. During that time we had taught the oldest boy (RAD) empathy, love, and attachment. Both boys had attachment issues, but were attaching and healing. The county had labeled them "unhelpable", by the time they originally came to our home, but they got better with our patience, structure, faith, love, and sense of humor. Everybody could see the progress these boys had made with us, but in the end the mother was "clean" so she got them back. After two months, I hear that the oldest was put on antidepressents, then diagnosed bi-polar and put on mood stabilizers. Both boys are carrying our picture around everywhere and the bio mom will not let us have any contact with them, because we are a "threat". The mom has a personality disorder. The county has dropped the PC case against her, even though she lost her job and the boys are doing poorly. Many people expect her to fail again in the next 6 to 12 months.

I hope I have not scared you from foster to adopt, but this is the experience we have had so far. A month ago in our paper I read that our county is sending home drug addicted babies with their mothers, rather than putting them into care.

Some people have good luck with the process and are able to adopt right away and others go years having to say goodbye to many children that they loved as their own.

Yikes. I hope we have a smoother experience than that but thanks for the warning regardless. I don't want to go into with rose colored glasses. I am in Ohio but haven't started any classes yet. What county are you in? I am in Morrow County and there isn't really a large need for foster families here, but i am going though an agency so we'll mostly be working with Franklin county I think.

[Godsbiggerplan721]

Thank you for sharing your story. We do know that this may be rough and we have prepared as much as possible for that. Butler County tends to have an abundance of children needing care--being that we are such a highly populated county.

We just got some info from the county and I think there is an informational meeting one evening next week hubby and I are going to attend. In the stuff we got we got the 2009 class schedules. So we are diligently praying about when to start those. Choosing between either the first session in January or the 2nd session in late February I believe it is.

We have decided to sit down with each sides of our family (prior to classes) and discuss with them the decision we have made and some of the details of what this entails--hubby's family will be a challenge, I haven't spoken to his parents since April, they are verbally unsupportive thus far of adoption.

Leslie