[Havebigheart]

I'm not talking about the actual role because I am sure that was immediate. I'm asking about the title. When did your foster to adopt child start calling you mom and dad? Or do they not? Did you encourage this? Is there a good way to transition them to do so? The special person I am asking about is 2 years old. He currently calls his foster parents mom and dad but will be moving out this fall/winter we are assuming. The foster parents do not want to adopt and are encouraging us as family to do so. I'd love for him to call me mom someday but I know the only mom he has known is his foster mom. Any suggestions or thoughts? I don't want him to ever feel any different than our biological children.

[Kat-L]

With "Brandon", he started talking while with me-so I was always Mama.
With "Cara", I was immediately "Mommy". She was about 20 months old and I was a lady who took care of her-so, she called me Mommy. She also called my sister & mother "Mommy" for a while. She had so many Mommy's in her life that she didn't realize it was a special title.
With "Darlene", she called me "Mom" once or twice but not in a warm or affectionate way. She usually called me "Miss Kathleen". She had attachment issues and hadn't bonded to me.
"Erica" was only a baby and didn't talk but "Faith" called me Mommy right away.
"Georgia" didn't call me anything for about a month (if I asked her my name she would say 'Kathleen' but she didn't call me Kathleen). After the first month, she started calling me "Mom" and then a few weeks later called me "Mommy" with real affection.

Kids under 3 will almost always call you "Mommy" right away (or will copy whatever name your bio kids call you)

[HappyHopefulMommy]

We were placed with a sib set of 3 for fost/adopt 3 weeks ago. They are 3, 5 and 6. We only had a 4 day transition, but we pretty much had them all day on those days and they just went back to the foster home to sleep. When we met them we introduced ourselves by our first names and they kind of did not call us anything. Just kind of "hey" if they needed something during those first few days we were transitioning, once in a while they would use our first names. But, by the time we had them in our home permanantly they were call us mommy and daddy. But, like PP, it is more like "the people who take care of me - or the lady (man) of the house". They all say mommy and daddy, but I do not feel like they yet really mean it yet. My 3 year old thinks she has 4 mommies.

[CaddoRose]

We have had our 2.5 yr old FD 4 weeks now and she called me Momma right away. It was a little strange, but at this age they tend to call the main person who takes care of them by that name. She is very attached to her bioMom. She likes her BioDad and began calling DH Daddy also soon after placement. We would prefer CMom and KenDad, but she has a speech delay and it's too much. Kids have a way of calling you what they want/need to call you. In my case, I wouldn't encourage or discourage any name, except of course offensive terms. I've even had respite children for a weekend call us Mom and Dad because it's what they wanted.

[RobinKay]

When the 2 yr old hears your children calling you mom and dad, he will mimic them. How lovely that you and foster parents are working closely together to keep this little one safe and happy.

[snc2007]

When our 3 yo fd came to us we were unsure of her future and she had already been through a lot. So we were careful not to make any promises and she called us by our first names as we were introduced to her. A few months later after TPR and us being selected as the adoptive resource we asked her to call us m & d. She said that was fine and that we could call her "kid." We laughed at first but then I started to use it. She would say "May I have a drink, Jane" and I would say "Sure, kid!" and she would say "Thank you, Mommy." It only took a few days until we were completely switched over. People do look at me funny when I still sometimes call her Kid!

[MilehighDad]

I think a two year old will call you mom and dad right away, because that is how they will understand the change. I'm sure the foster parents will help prepare them and say "this is going to be your new mom and dad, forever" and that will be that.

To give a more extreme example, our oldest, who we met at 14, called us mom and dad from the day we met her. To this day, four years later, there are times when she doesn't believe it, but her understanding and acceptance of the situation was that we were going to be mom and dad. period. She also came from a group home, so she did not have foster parents and her bio family was long gone. Our acceptance of the situation was that we talked of the possibility that she might never call us mom and dad, boy were we wrong!

Reading between the lines, I hear some of the same fear that all prospective adoptive parents express in some way - Are these kids going to really be mine? The answer is YES!

Good luck!!

[waitingtobeamom]

We were placed with a sibling set of 3 and they began calling dh "daddy" the first night. Calling me "mommy" wasm't far behind. Now that they have increased visits with birthmom it is sometimes first name and sometimes mom and dad. Our 15 month is learning to talk and will call us both mama and dada.

[Joei_in_NJ]

Originally Posted by snc2007

She said that was fine and that we could call her "kid." We laughed at first but then I started to use it. She would say "May I have a drink, Jane" and I would say "Sure, kid!" and she would say "Thank you, Mommy." It only took a few days until we were completely switched over. People do look at me funny when I still sometimes call her Kid!

Funny - my DH and I both call my DD kid or chick - lol

[MomwithFive]

Our daughter originally called me by my first name and one day I hear, from down the hallway, "Mom?" I didn't realize she was talking to me. I responded and ever since then she has called me Mom and hubby Dad. We were ok with whatever she was comfortable with and she keep surprising us. Pleasantly so

[graciej]

I was never in foster care, but I was shifted from place to place as a young child because my parents divorced and my bio-mom had issues. I was with my grandparents for a while until my dad could get himself together. Then, when I was five, my dad remarried my stepmom. I remember calling her Dorrie (her nickname) for a while and then one day I just asked her if I could call her Mom and she said I could. She was Mom from that day on. I don't remember ever calling her Dorrie again. My brother, who was six years older, called her Dorrie for longer (I think out of some loyalty to our bio-mom) and then started calling her mom. I know he would sometimes go back to calling her Dorrie as a teenager when he was mad at her (so I wouldn't be surprised with older kids if that happened and wouldn't take it personally).

We have had our oldest FD since the age of five months and she calls me "Mama" and my husband "Dad," just as my four-year-old does. She hasn't had visits with bio-mom for 10 months, so she doesn't know any other parents but us.

As far as the "kid" name, we call all three of our girls "sister" as a nickname sometimes. It could be, "Hey, sister! Did you just spit up on me?" Or, "Hey, sister, turn off the TV." *lol*

[bestofbothworlds845]

Yeah you were

[cowboyswife]

My boys are 8 and 11. The 8 year old started calling me mom and my DH dad once in awhile about 3 weeks after they came to us. The 11 year old said that he would never call us that! But last night I was having a bad day and started to cry for no reason. He came running up and gave me a hug and said " I love you MOM!" was very touching! Just had to cry some more!LOL

[Jensboys]

My boys came home to us at 3 and 4 -- and had called foster mom and foster dad mommy and daddy the whole time they lived there (3 years).

Fm and Fd called us "mommy and daddy" to the kids, or "new mommy and new daddy" to the kids, plus we had a bio 2 year old who also called us mommy and daddy.

We referred to foster parents as Mommy Name and Daddy Name ... after 10 months or so they switched to calling foster parents Aunty Name and Uncle Name with no pressure from us, its just what our bio son called his brothers' foster parents

Now, 9 years after placement they have no recollection of calling foster parents anything but Aunty and Uncle, and we have never been anything but Mom and Dad

We have stayed in on going contact with them and its been a positive thing.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by Jensboys

My boys came home to us at 3 and 4 -- and had called foster mom and foster dad mommy and daddy the whole time they lived there (3 years).

Fm and Fd called us "mommy and daddy" to the kids, or "new mommy and new daddy" to the kids, plus we had a bio 2 year old who also called us mommy and daddy.

We referred to foster parents as Mommy Name and Daddy Name ... after 10 months or so they switched to calling foster parents Aunty Name and Uncle Name with no pressure from us, its just what our bio son called his brothers' foster parents

Now, 9 years after placement they have no recollection of calling foster parents anything but Aunty and Uncle, and we have never been anything but Mom and Dad

We have stayed in on going contact with them and its been a positive thing.

I am envious of you. I wish we could have had a positive, ongoing relationship with our lil guy's foster parents.