[jaspies11]

Do any of the states actually have the Adoption Fairs or Adoption Picnics?

[tinatyme]

My former county in MD did. They were awkward and confusing for me. I'm not sure how successful they were. On a positive note they tried to also make it a celebration of foster care and adoption so they had lots of rides and activities set up for kids and there were a lot of adopted children there so you could just go and kind of casually meet children that were free for adoption through your children.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

California does them, we have been to a few. Like PP, I am not sure how successful they are though, but a lot of fun.

[MamaKnkids]

NM has them. We've been to one and will go to another next week. If nothing else, it is fun for our bio kids, and we did meet a couple of kids at the first one. There were waaay more potential adoptive families than waiting children, but I thought that was a good thing.

[Mkuhlmann06]

In PA we have matching events, but the kids are not there - their workers are, with information sheets, pictues, etc.

[akcskye]

We have twice annual adoption parties here in Oklahoma.

We went to one, and I'll try to be as short as possible here as a recap.

1. You arrive an hour early to sign in, etc.
2. You get a book of all the children that are going to be at the party...some with photos...all with a 1 page bio, and a sign up sheet for those you are interested in "going further" in considering.
3. Some states will not bring younger children to the party, because, like our party, the little ones were surrounded like road kill to a vulture.
4. You do the activities together (we had a sheet where the kids approached us and asked us if we'd ever read a certain book, liked something, etc), as well as the main activity (we were skating in a rink).
5. Prepare to feel like you're "fighting" for the kid you really like...it seems about 10 other people will like "your child", too, and try to monopolize their time.

The party ends and the children leave with their hosts...sometimes you may get lucky and the kid's worker is with them and you can ask more in depth questions and meet them, sometimes, a ride brings them and then picks them back up.

Our party resulted in no matches (even though we signed up for 5 children/sibling groups), and we were matched 4 months later through traditional state-wide staffing.

[jaspies11]

Does anyone know if Texas has anything like this? The DFW area in particular?

[Boulderbabe]

Just as a side note, I really REALLY encourage people to avoid these. They are not good for the kids.

The kids know what is going on, even though everyone thinks they don't. And if they aren't picked, if none of the potential moms and dads is hovering around them, it's just heartbreaking. The whole process is so humiliating and demeaning to them.

Adoption isn't shopping. You can't learn enough about a kid' s character at one of these things to make a good decision about adoption, anyway. I think we should spare the kids the heartache.

[jbee]

Originally Posted by Mkuhlmann06

In PA we have matching events, but the kids are not there - their workers are, with information sheets, pictues, etc.

i am in PA too. we went to a special thing at a speedway last year, i think it may have been with the heart gallery. they had stuff for the kids to do, and then you could go to the race. i think the kids featured in the gallery were there, and their pictures were on all the racecars. there were alot of agencies with booths with books of kids, papers and little things to hand out as well...like diakon, catholic charities, etc. there was food, etc. i think we got invited because we were adopting our son through fc at the time and were on some list.
they told us that we could talk to the kids if we wanted, but no talk of adoption and things like that...just to keep it casual.
i have never been to a matching event, but gotten invites to them.

[Mkuhlmann06]

Originally Posted by jbee

i am in PA too. we went to a special thing at a speedway last year, .

You are right! (I forgot about that one). They hold that one event a year where the kids are there. It's the only "matching event" Ive been to in PA that actually has the kids there. Diakon hosts it each year at Williamsgrove Race Track. This will be my third year going to the pre race stuff (Ive never stayed for the actual race) and I've volunteered to run one of the games this year.

[quiescentfury]

We have them in Ohio. Two years ago we went to one in a nearby county. Our experience was much like what Kristi explained. We decided not to go to anymore. It was to heartbreaking. DH, myself, and our son went. Dh and I were copmpletely overwhelmed, Cory had a great time. If DH and I were overwhelmed I could not imagine how the kids there felt. We went right before we left for vacation. It was a really depressing start to vacation. There were definately kids that were hounded by adults. There were also kids no one approached. DH and I were so saddened we did not talk to any kids except when they came up to us for the scavanger hunt.

[MamaKnkids]

It seemed to me that pretty much all the kids were having fun at the event we went to - there were LOTS of activities going on, and honestly I only saw 2 teenagers who looked bored - and they were just hanging out with their Ipods on. And there were MANY more prospective adoptive parents/families than kids so I think that was a good thing. I know of 6 kids that got matched from that event (3 in a sib group) - maybe more did, I don't know.

I don't think it was so bad.. I mean, these kids already KNOW they are waiting to be adopted so what is the big deal about going somewhere where they just might meet "the" family, plus they get to hang out with other kids going through the same thing, plus it is something fun and special. Just my opinion, everyone is entitled to one If we adopt a child who has been to one of those events, I'll ask them how they felt about it. That way we'll know at least one child's point of view!

[Boulderbabe]

I've talked to several kids who have been through these fairs (which are really markets). They have talked about being disappointed, about feeling rejected and unwanted, about feeling enormous pressure to somehow attract a family. C'mon....how would you feel if it were you, going time after time to these events? (Can you imagine showing up at a "wife fair" time after time, and watching the potential husbands swarm to the younger, better-looking women, time after time? Would that feel good to you?)

A matching fair isn't good for anybody. Prospective parents don't really get a good understanding of a child's issues----they just fall in love and then are very likely to tune everything the social workers say about the children's problems out. Kids get to show up time after time, and go home parentless time after time. Some kids get to find out that they aren't as wanted as other kids.

Who is this serving? How many people are adopting kids from these fairs who wouldn't be adopting anyway? It's far better to let social workers who know the child's strength and weaknesses and the prospective parents' resources make this crucial decision. This isn't like getting a puppy---it's too big a decision to be made at a carnival.

What matters isn't just getting kids placed. It's preserving their dignity while getting them into placements that will LAST. I do not think fairs are the best way to do that, and I think the whole process is dehumanizing.

[Boulderbabe]

BTW: I'd be totally in favor of a matching fair where the social workers were there but the kids weren't.

[MamaKnkids]

At the events we go to:
1) only older children are there, no babies, so there really aren't any "younger, cuter" kids
2) All prospective adoptive families invited MUST be licensed, so there isn't anyone there who "wouldn't be adopting"

I do totally get what you are saying about the falling in love and ignoring the issues, but HOPEFULLY, they will consider the issues when they see them in writing at the full disclosure.

I just feel bad for ALL kids waiting to be adopted.. I can't imagine what it must feel like. I just hope that we can be the right family for one of them right now, and more someday.

I think it is great that you are so concerned and caring about the kids, me too