[reapingjoy]

she's leaving?

We have told CSB that they need to move M by July 30th. The adoption worker called me Thursday to let me know that they would "hopefully" be looking at homestudies this next week to match a family and then have a presentation. They have also told me that it will now probably be very difficult to find a family to adopt her because of all of her SN (all of which have been diagnosed since she came to us 4 months ago). She also told me that they wanted to get a large enough pool of homestudies to go through to be fair to M....my personal opinion is that it doesn't matter if the family is #1 of 10 or #1 of 2 if they're a good match, they're a good match.

So, I know that she will be leaving by the end of the month. She may have to go back into foster care (she was in pre-adoptive placement with us & is not technically a "foster" child anymore but an "adoptive" child), but I think they're trying to avoid that (and I would certainly hope that they would never send her back to the horrible foster home she was in before she came to us, but I suppose they might). I'm just thinking that even if they match a family early this week & do a presentation later this same week, there will still only be a couple of weeks for a transition...so not much time...and for them to move that quickly would be a miracle!

She will be 4 in Sept. Knowing that she is leaving, should we start to drop subtle hints? (I did tell her the other day that she was allowed to play with a backpack that is my daughter's while she was here; she didn't even notice that I said that) I know with her cognitive delays, sooooo much goes right over her head. I did like the idea of making up a story to explain the move, but I'm not even sure she'd "get it". I also don't want to make it seem like she's a bad kid or too much trouble and that's why she's moving.

Should I wait until a family has been found to say anything at all? Or should we start to subtly talk about "if" she moved or something.....I just don't know what to do. And the way the transition to us was handled was atrocious, so I don't want to do that to her again. Should we wait until after she meets the new family? But that could be just a week or so before she moves possibly....

Sorry this is sort of rambling...I'm just thinking so many different scenarios in my head that it's hard to figure out what to do....and there are just so many "unkowns" right now...

Thanks so much for any advice

[hunterfamily]

Just my thoughts...but if you don't know anything for sure, why say anything at all. She is only 4, it may just cause more confussion. There are so many different ways things could go. I would wait and let her stay happy and worry free for now.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by hunterfamily

Just my thoughts...but if you don't know anything for sure, why say anything at all. She is only 4, it may just cause more confussion. There are so many different ways things could go. I would wait and let her stay happy and worry free for now.

That is excellent advice. If and when, you can ask for a therapist to give you advice on this.

[mrsred]

We just went through what you are. We waited til we knew exactly who C would be going to before we even mentioned the move. It was very hard when I told her, and we were both in tears. She has been completely gone for just over two weeks now, but it somehow seems longer.. or almost like it never happened. We were very lucky in that she went from us to a new pre-adoptive placement. This time she is an only child, so we have every reason to believe that this time really will be permanent.
Although I didn't tell C ahead of time that she was moving, we stopped talking to her about things in the future ... like I didn't talk about where she would go to school in the fall and such.
My prayers are with you. I know, even when it is absolutely the best and only option for the child and your family, it is a very hard thing, to move a child that you thought you would be adopting.