[Happy123]

I was a possible near kin placement for a child...had my heart set on it. The FP now wants to adopt. They had not wanted to for almost a year...then I step forward and they change their mind. She did share w/ me...we are friends..that she needs the financial assistance that the child brings in. I really wanted her stipend or not. I think that keeping a child for the money will backfire. She gets a lot of financial help for this child. She is now throwing up road blocks and so I do not see it happening...
I pray that this child will be ok it the long run because I do not think they will be.

[CaddoRose]

From the cases I know of, they will usually try to place with biofamily and there are plenty of cases where the family has not come forward until late in the process.

If you feel strongly about the child and feel it is in the child's best interest that they be with you, then do some more digging and asking of questions before you give up. If she is indeed just wanting the child for the $$, then you are probably correct in thinking that it is not the best situation for the child.

[Happy123]

I am the babysitter...wish there was a bio connection. I have put in a few calls to children's services...hope to get a response this week. I just pray that this child goes where they are supposed to be.

[RobinKay]

Happy, if you feel strongly about raising this child please act now. Get an attorney and get standing in court. Get the bioparent, your relative, to sign over legal guardianship or papers to do a private adoption. The judge may not rule on the adoption, but will sit up and take notice of the bioparents wishes and placement with you.

How sad to think that this child just represents a check to the current foster mother. I do hope she misspoke or didn't mean it quite the way it sounded.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

Originally Posted by RobinKay

Get the bioparent, your relative, to sign over legal guardianship or papers to do a private adoption. The judge may not rule on the adoption, but will sit up and take notice of the bioparents wishes and placement with you.

The OP is not a relative. She is a babysitter which means that the FP have more pull at this point. It would be her word against the FP that the FP said she needed the child for the financial assistance she brings. But since these people have shown a penchant for changing their mind, I would at least speak to the child's caseworker and let him/her know that you are a person of interest so they will have your info and concerns.

Kim

[Happy123]

We did voice our opinion...got fingerprinted...scheduled a HV and then the FP started to waiver. The county put everything on hold. I spoke w/ the supervisor last week. I put in another call today....still trying. But, the FP now is putting up a lot of road blocks. Will see how it goes...gotta love the rollercoaster ride.
Like my husband says everything happens for a reason...just don't always like the outcome.

[LibbyHawkins]

Is it possible that they were wavering because they feel they need to stripend to be able to support having her in their home? Not that they want her for the money, is it possible that is what her comment meant.

I know that is a concern of mine, how will I pay the costs of daycare and everything else when I am 100% responsible for it.

[Happy123]

The FP stated that she needs the stipend for the monthly budget. It is hard to watch FP who do it for the money and not in the best interest of the child. This family talks neg. about the child and to the child. There was no interest in adopting until late. That is why we stepped forward. I have spoke w/ the supervisor..but kept it very general. I do not want to come across neg. about the FP, they are friends and a lot of info is shared w/ me. A little to much in my opinion.

[MomwithFive]

<< This family talks neg. about the child and to the child>>

Oh, I feel so bad for that child.

[Happy123]

Momwithfive,
That is one of the many reasons why we stepped forward. Even one of my children after witnessing an episode asked if we could look into adopting her...before she knew we were considering it. I just pray that God has a plan for her that we do not understand yet.

[wannafostersoon]

What a very sad situation for that child. Perhaps, and I am playing Devils Advocate here, perhaps she meant the budget with the little girl factored in. I know many families, ours included, could not and would not take on the responsibility of another child because financially it would be devastating and unfair to the children we currently have.

I am coming into a bit of money soon that will cushion us greatly but I still don't know that I could afford two or three more children long term without some help from the county. Kids are expensive. Swimming lessons for our crew is $200 and we are members of the Y! Gymnastics for the girls is $320 and my son wants to join pop warner football (the girls want to cheerlead too) and some basketball clinic. $$$$. Lots of money. If I want to give our foster children the same experiences my children have then I need the help.

We want to foster a medically fragile child. I would need the money so I could stay home to care for our child (as highly recommended by our particular agency) and not deplete our savings...

I am just saying, she likely didn't mean it exactly how it sounded.

Either way, you sound like you really have the sweetheart's best interest at heart. Continue to advocate on her behalf. Stay in prayer or meditation and trust that the best thing for her will happen. (((HUGS))).

[Happy123]

wannafostersoon,
She is a friend and has shared her budget w/ me to see if I could help her cut corners. We were looking to take the child in, but she asked if we could wait a couple of months until she had other money coming in. I would not feel so bad if I knew that the only reason she is keeping the child is because the child brings in a lot of foster care money which will transfer over to AAP. The figure is very high due to her special needs-ADHD.

[BethanyB]

I think you need to tell CPS the truth for the child's sake. I would not be able to live with myself if I let a woman who did not love a child adopt that child for money. I certainly could not be friends with her. When you say you are the babysitter, do you mean the nanny or just a sitter for when they go out once in a while? Are you afraid of losing your job? Really, if these people are mean to the child and only want her for the money you need to say something. This is the rest of this person's life. You only get one chance to grow up in a family who loves you. And when you don't get that, it can destroy your outlook on life.

I know it can't be easy but I would search your heart and do what you think is right.

[Happy123]

I am just a PT babysitter. She is a friend in very loose terms. I am probably going to talk w/ the worker this week....I just would not be able to live w/ myself if I did not. I just don't want it to come across as I am doing this because I want the child place w/ me.

[BethanyB]

Just tell the worker that it is not easy for you to do since this woman is your friend but that you could not live with yourself if you were not honest about what your friend is doing. Tell her that the most important thing in your mind is that the child has a loving home with people who want her in their life for the right reasons, nomatter who that family is.

Good luck. I know this can't be easy.