[hkolln]

Our niece's SW proceeded to visit the YMCA where she's attending camp today without letting me know. I did not put her down to see our niece so they called me asking me if the DCF worker was OK to visit...and I asked her name and it was her so I OK'd it. I didn't expect her to visit her at camp so I never placed her name on the list....

Anyways she stopped by to see her to inquire about our trip to visit the previous FP's and our relatives in WA state. Our niece then went on to say "She asked me if I saw my Mom while there and I told her NO" and then proceeded to say "I don't know why she asked me that!?" I'm not sure either...maybe just fishing for information? It seemed to catch our niece off guard and confused her because we mentioned nothing about being in the close proximity to her biomom. Since we decided to not visit her and felt it wasn't a good time we never mentioned it to her. I thought that was a dumb question to ask her when I told the SW the day before we left we are not at the point for her to visit with her Mom. I wonder if she just didn't believe me? Just ticked me off! Maybe I'm just being overprotective

I'm still waiting for the SW to call me to inquire about our trip. I guess she wanted to hear it from our niece for some reason instead of us or without us nearby.

[ranoutofnames]

Chalk this up to reason 105 of "Why I Can't WAIT for Finalization to be Finished".

Just think, when finalization is done you can tell the cw to take a flying leap when they want to butt into your personal life.

I used to get so tired of cw just stopping in whenever they wanted, asking my child anything they wanted, and generally treating the situation as if they owned my daughter(s).

I'll never forget the time when A1 was almost 5yrs old, had been in my care since she was 9mo old. The cw sent me an email to remind me she needed to have a Well Child check... I was ticked off. In over 4yrs that I had been taking her for all her appts (and never missed any) just before finalization they think they need to email me to remind me about THAT!?!

Do you have a finalization date yet?

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by hkolln

Our niece's SW proceeded to visit the YMCA where she's attending camp today without letting me know. I did not put her down to see our niece so they called me asking me if the DCF worker was OK to visit...and I asked her name and it was her so I OK'd it. I didn't expect her to visit her at camp so I never placed her name on the list....

Anyways she stopped by to see her to inquire about our trip to visit the previous FP's and our relatives in WA state. Our niece then went on to say "She asked me if I saw my Mom while there and I told her NO" and then proceeded to say "I don't know why she asked me that!?" I'm not sure either...maybe just fishing for information? It seemed to catch our niece off guard and confused her because we mentioned nothing about being in the close proximity to her biomom. Since we decided to not visit her and felt it wasn't a good time we never mentioned it to her. I thought that was a dumb question to ask her when I told the SW the day before we left we are not at the point for her to visit with her Mom. I wonder if she just didn't believe me? Just ticked me off! Maybe I'm just being overprotective

I'm still waiting for the SW to call me to inquire about our trip. I guess she wanted to hear it from our niece for some reason instead of us or without us nearby.

I am looking forward to your finalization!!!!!!!!

I remember the guilty pleasure I felt when I knew we were going to adopt lil guy right after a status hearing--none of the social worker or GAL's office knew about it. We gave permission for them to stay for the adoption. What a relief to be able to walk away from all of them. The sw in Hawaii was nice, but pretty useless. He called while we were in Florida to set up the next visit--it was a pleasure to tell him we were in FL for the adoption! He was surprised, to say the least. Another thing I enjoyed was sending an "adoption annoucenment" to the prior foster parents to let them know the court order granting them "unlimited contact" was now void/no longer in effect.

I never thought of myself as a control freak, but too many people in this case thought they knew everything about our son, and actually knew very little.

The sw seems like she is stepping up her contact/information gathering, perhaps in prep for the adoption hearing. It seems rude to not notify you that she was going to see your daughter at the camp. I am sure if she asked to speak with her alone at any time you would have made arrangements for that. She is not the therapist, and I agree it was not a good idea for her to bring up bmom or visits with bmom.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by ranoutofnames

Do you have a finalization date yet?

YES! July 18th and it's not soon enough! LOL

[LibbyHawkins]

"Are all SW's so dumb?!"

Yes.

[RobinKay]

Originally Posted by LibbyHawkins

"Are all SW's so dumb?!"

Yes.

lol!!!

[Happy123]

I am so thankful that my SWs were smart....lol.
I am now working with a new one and am hoping that she is just as smart and does what I hope she does.
She does not have all the info and if she did it would shed new light on the situation. In this case, I am an outsider to the case and my opinions do not matter as much. O how I wish my smart SW was there.
Happy123

[TxMom65]

I remember being on pins and needles the entire 6 months that we had SW visits. Thankfully, I had no need to worry. THey were all OK and nothing was ever as bad as the scenerios I had dreamed up in my mind.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by LibbyHawkins

"Are all SW's so dumb?!"

Yes.

Oh come on, be fair. Just 'cause all the ones *I've* dealt with are.....
And not to hijack, but I was just thinking about this the other day. The DUMBEST thing I have EVER seen any person do? The Social Worker told my FS on a Sunday that he was going to have his post TPR "goodbye visist" and the LAST time he'd see his siblings on that Thursday. She did NOT tell me. Can you imagine the behaviours that week, and my total bewiderment as to their cause? It was FS that finally told me - ON Thursday morning! (and he was only 14 at the time).

[Howdy]

Originally Posted by hkolln

... Since we decided to not visit her and felt it wasn't a good time we never mentioned it to her. I thought that was a dumb question to ask her when I told the SW the day before we left we are not at the point for her to visit with her Mom...

Sounds like you are allowed to arrange visits with the bmom when/if you want to? My first thought was your daughter's CW is doing her job making sure there is no inappropriate unsafe contact. I think she is doing her job correctly to question the child, since legally isn't the CW the one responsible for ensuring adoption in the current placement will be the best thing for the child? Just because you are honest doesn't mean all the adoptive families that the CW deals with are, and she should not just assume what the potential afamily says is true.

My adaughter was pulled out of her relative pre-adoption placement when her CW found out from the child that the grandmother was allowing contact with the bdad. In my daughter's case it was a very good thing that the caseworker did not trust what the grandmother said.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by Howdy

Sounds like you are allowed to arrange visits with the bmom when/if you want to? My first thought was your daughter's CW is doing her job making sure there is no inappropriate unsafe contact. I think she is doing her job correctly to question the child, since legally isn't the CW the one responsible for ensuring adoption in the current placement will be the best thing for the child? Just because you are honest doesn't mean all the adoptive families that the CW deals with are, and she should not just assume what the potential afamily says is true.

Just because I can arrange a visit (I'm in Florida and biomoms in Idaho so it's not like I can!) doesn't mean I will. I will NOT allow my SIL to hurt my soon to be daughter ever again. Just because the option is there doesn't mean I will allow it. And our SW who's been on our case for many many months should know my feelings by now on that one!

This is true...not all foster parents are honest and truthful. I don't have any problems with her seeing our niece anytime or asking her questions but when it involves her bioparents and we are not involved then it upsets me (plus finding out afterwards by someone else INSTEAD of the CW). Her bioparents caused alot of harm to our niece (emotionally and physically) and we are trying to protect her. I just took offense that a CW would think that after 13 mos in our home that we would not have what is best in mind for her or that we are lying foster parents! She should know us by now I would think. It just seems sneaky to me I guess. And now that we are less then a month from finalization, why now? Why not do that in the beginning to make sure the placement is right, not right at the homestretch when she's been here 13 mos? Why didn't she also contact us to ask us how the trip went? An 8 yr old is going to tell a totally different story then we are...we dealt with the adults privately while there, she just played with her cousins and brother and sister so of course she's going to be happy about the trip. We made it a positive experience, not a negative one.

How many foster parents CW show up at their foster kids daycare or summer camp unannounced and ask questions about your kids bioparents like how the visits were or did you see your bioparents, etc without them there and then they find out from the child? I'm just curious.....maybe it's normal to do this....Just wasn't sure.

[hkolln]

And to top it off today I found out from our niece that the SW also asked our niece if she knew when our court hearing was for the adoption....now that is odd! She should know clearly it's scheduled for July 18th.

I'm going to call her tomorrow to find out what the heck is up with her.

[hunterfamily]

I don't know how common it is for SW to show up unanounced, or what there polices are. But I know that they are allowed to show up wherever they want. As a GAL in florida, I am allowed(by court order) to have see the child whenever I want. Daycare, school it doesn't matter, I don't have to notify anyone that I am going to see the child. In our circut we are required to do unannounced visits at least every 3 months. It really doesn't sound all that odd to me.

[hkolln]

Originally Posted by hunterfamily

I don't know how common it is for SW to show up unanounced, or what there polices are. But I know that they are allowed to show up wherever they want. As a GAL in florida, I am allowed(by court order) to have see the child whenever I want. Daycare, school it doesn't matter, I don't have to notify anyone that I am going to see the child. In our circut we are required to do unannounced visits at least every 3 months. It really doesn't sound all that odd to me.

Oh yeah they can show up anywhere, anytime...I don't have a problem with that. She is doing her job and making sure she is where I said she was and is being taken care of. I do have a problem with the questions she asked her (adult questions that a child should not have to answer). That is my concern only. Knowing our nieces history the sw should know that those questions are inappropriate to ask her directly. Because of the abuse our niece has been thru she tends to become an adult in a conversation (she was the adult in hers and her moms relationship-protecting her from the abuse) and take over and when she is asked questions that are adult related she tends to be like that for awhile. I noticed she was acting out (talking like an adult, acting like an adult and being very manipulative) and it concerned me so I casually brought up conversation about the visit and she told me about the questions.

[stevenstwin]

although I see the "reason" for why they are "allowed" to show up any time, unannounced, that does not necessarily mean it is good or healthy for the child! Especially in a situation where a placement is well established, and extremely close to adoption, there is no NEED for "suprise spot checks" and they are so disruptive and unsettling to the child they can do more harm then good. Consider that most of these children lost their first home and family when a SW showed up unannounced! I think that would leave some lasting fears. I think the Social Worker was out of line here. Thank god in another month she will NOT be "allowed" to do any such thing to this child.

Originally Posted by hkolln

Oh yeah they can show up anywhere, anytime...I don't have a problem with that. She is doing her job and making sure she is where I said she was and is being taken care of. I do have a problem with the questions she asked her (adult questions that a child should not have to answer). That is my concern only. Knowing our nieces history the sw should know that those questions are inappropriate to ask her directly. Because of the abuse our niece has been thru she tends to become an adult in a conversation (she was the adult in hers and her moms relationship-protecting her from the abuse) and take over and when she is asked questions that are adult related she tends to be like that for awhile. I noticed she was acting out (talking like an adult, acting like an adult and being very manipulative) and it concerned me so I casually brought up conversation about the visit and she told me about the questions.