[reapingjoy]

We have made the heartbreaking decision to disrupt the planned adoption of M. I knew from the first time I met her that things were just not "right", but it has taken almost 4 months to get assessments done. We told our private agency SW tonight & will be telling CSB this week. I just had a couple of questions for those of you who have made the decision to move a child from your home (foster or adoptive):

If the reason was for behavioral or special needs reasons, did you have to have documentation supporting your concerns? (So far, the doctors have confirmed every one of my suspicions about her, but I don't have full documentation yet; the pediatrician is waiting to write her report until the report from the specialist comes in which could take a few more weeks)

Did you give CSB a timeframe to work with? (We really think moving her by the end of July would be best so that I am able to actually work on my homeschool plans for the rest of my children & so her new family can get her set up in her Special Needs Preschool for the fall; but I'm thinking there may be no way for them to find another adoptive home- she is not a "foster" child, she is an "adoptive" child, esp. one that will take a child with her SN, so we can start transitioning her by that time; even if we are not fully done with the transition, I want to be started with it, at least. We just can't continue for 4 or 5 more months)

Any tips from a BTDT would be great on how to handle the transition, how to talk to the SW, whatever advice you have. This was an incredibly hard decision to come to, but we know it is what's best for our family & for her. None of her SN were diagnosed before she came here in late Feb., even though she had been in foster care for almost 3 years, so we have been through quite a lot these last few months. She just really needs a smaller family who can really invest a lot of time & energy into helping her succeed.

Thanks for any help you can give.

[Sam-N-Tony]

We had decided to disrupt after a long 8 months on our foster son. It was all for behavioral and mental health reasons. We loved him dearly and gave him all that we could offer. It was one of the hardest decisions we had to make and even though it was our "choice", we still grieved his loss. We like you invested in many therapies and dr. appointments and he just needed to be in a home with fewer kids (I had/have his brother, 2, and my bson, 8). His behaviors were starting to be destructive to his own sanity and ours as well. He was physically agressive with us, as well as the other kids in the home. Threatening harm on us and himself. So needless to say we had no "choice". I am glad to say he is doing really well in his new home (which is a therapeutic home) but nonetheless, receiving all the therapies he needs and deserves. They are a very very active family and are very involved in the church and all the activities it entails, which is what he needs, to be kept busy. I am not a church go-er, but do attend activities and sports but it was not enough for him.

At the end, we sat down with him and had a open and honest discussion with him about him moving to a better home, with a nice Foster Mom and Dad. He was very non-chalant about it and was looking forward to change. At 3, you can start talking about their new Mom/Dad etc. and though they may not understand everything, some things will stick.

Be positive, there are many families out there who are willing to take children with special needs. I say give them a time frame to find a appropriate home for her and stick to it.