[Scrapsathome]

We've got 3 bio kids ages almost 8, 6 1/2, and almost 2. We're currently hoping to hear back about a sibling group of 7. The oldest of the group is 8 and the youngest is almost 2. The caseworker seems to think due to the size of the group that a family with no kids or one that has much older/grown kids would be best. But I disagree. People with grown kids probably don't want to start their family from scratch with kids that little and people with no kids would probably be overwhelmed with a group that big. I know there are exceptions to that, but generally it seems like we'd be a better fit.

We've already been foster parents and have experience with a big group. We've already got a huge house with large bedrooms that can fit 3 beds each legally. And we've already got an enormous vehicle. I measured our rooms and did the math on age and gender and we'd be able to fit everyone. I shared a room with two sisters when I was 8 years old, so I know it's not so bad if your bedroom is big enough. It's actually kind of fun.

Now here's the final bit of info. They may possibly add two more sibs to the group later this year who are ages 12 and 1. We'd still be able to fit them in, but then we get into the question of age. We've always wanted to have a great big family and love the idea of taking a large sib group, but until now all the groups we saw were much older than our kids or had major issues. As far as preparedness, we've got almost enough beds already and would possibly need to upgrade from a 12 passenger van to a 15. But only if they add the other two sibs.

So, are we nuts for considering this? Would the kids really be better off in a family with no kids or who have grown kids? Anybody with experience in this area want to offer advice? Thanks for reading all this!

Jess

[Sam-N-Tony]

NUTS, IS NOT THE WORD!!! LOL.

Your talking possibly 12 kids. I know there are many successfull large sibling groups but I know it is a lot of work. I would check with the special needs board I do believe there is someone on there who adopted I think 7 kids, but they had no bio's (I think) and I know she's been having a hard time with behaviors and attention.

I think adding that many kids can be very stressful for you bio's and ultimately they need to come first, only because all your kids fit right into the ages of the group. I think when you have a large group of older children it just give them at least all their own identities (if that makes sense).

Expect for a group of this size for at least 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 or 6 of them to have issues of some sort. The older children are probably parentified and may have issues with you to be the mom. I think having a large family is great, but usually adding them in small increments is best when you have your own children, IMO.

[dreamangel]

Nuts may not be the word I know I wouldn't do it. 12 kids As much as I want to be a parent I need to be real and know it would be way out of my league. If you feel you can do it then go for it but it would be sad for the kids to get up rooted again if it didn't work out. To me 1 is a lot of work and 2 is pushing it

Good luck with your decision!

[aMarylandfamily]

Just hearing about 12 at once is overwhelming ... and in awe that you are even considering such an endeavor ... our prayers will be with you - knowing what is right will be! Do keep posting...

Also - the Special Needs Forum here is a great place for support, encouragement and comradship - while you may not have any severe needs sometimes just having someone to chat with when it is 12 against 2 may be a life-saver

Best wishes...

[adopt2010]

i think it is fantastic that you are considering adding such a large group to your family. You and husband are the only ones that know what would be best for your family. So pray about it and go for it if you believe your kids can handle such a transition.

Good luck, and let us know what happens

[jbee]

ITA with 2010..pray about it and find out about these kids as much as you can...keep us updated! i am nosy,lol
we are looking for a big pass van ourselves, probably 12..right now we've got five kids but do daycare and are hoping for more fosters

[sethsmommy]

I want to pass out...right here..thinking of the idea...lol...


please take that the right way...we just took in two at once and I...am....so...tired!!!!!!!!!


Good luck on your decision. That is great you have such a big heart!

[athikers]

Scraps, there is so little chance that these sibs can stay together. If you are even CONSIDERING it I think you should pray and visit them and see what it might be like.

I also think you should strongly consider taking on the other 2 if they become adoptable. They deserve to grow up with their sibs.

A couple parents here who have LOTS of kids... SAHM and Indy (both frequenters of the special needs board).

Also, as others have said, be prepared for some serious issues and find out as much as you can from previous foster parents.

Good luck!!!

[vernellinnj]

So, are we nuts for considering this? Would the kids really be better off in a family with no kids or who have grown kids? Anybody with experience in this area want to offer advice? Thanks for reading all this!

NO, not nuts for CONSIDERING it. I think you're a saint for considering it. Pray that it works out well for you and the children.

[momofbgtwins]

Wow 12 kids. I think it is great. i would love to add more to our family, but hubby has said no. Good luck in whatever you decide.

[Scrapsathome]

Scraps, there is so little chance that these sibs can stay together. If you are even CONSIDERING it I think you should pray and visit them and see what it might be like.

I also think you should strongly consider taking on the other 2 if they become adoptable. They deserve to grow up with their sibs.

Exactly! I was thinking that even if they found a family who had, for instance, a four bedroom home with no kids currently, to fit all 9 of these kids they'd still have to sleep three to a room. So really there wouldn't be a lot of difference except that in our home they'd have kids who already live here to "show them the ropes" as far as rules and routines go.

When it comes to whether or not to take the other two siblings in, there's just no way we could say, "We'll take these kids but not those kids." Just no way. We're wanting to find out what gender the 12 year old is. If it's a girl there'd be no problem. If it's a boy then we'd have to seriously debate whether we could do it or not. Oddly enough, it doesn't worry me to have a boy the same age or almost the same as my oldest DD, but I'm not sure about a boy that much older than her.

I'll give an update if the caseworker contacts us. We just submitted our homestudy to her today, so it's not like we're even a guaranteed match. I'm just excited to find out what God has planned for our family!

Jess

[timleenettesue]

I think it is wonderful!!!! I have often seen large sib groups on the waiting sites. I have always wished I could step up and say I would do it. We have 3 bios, 1 adopted, and 3 fosters that look like they will be staying forever. That will give us 7 total (one is grown and now moved out), 6 at home. Yet I can't help but feeling God is not done with us. Hubby says he is done (but said that at 2). Although he thinks he is done we will wait and see what God has planned for us.

Keeping sibs together is a wonderful thing. Two of our fosters are full brother and sister (they need to stay together). The baby is half sib to the one we have already adopted. I can't imagine splitting them up.

God Bless and if it is his will it will happen. If it doesn't happen just know that he must have a different plan for your family.

[finallyamom0310]

I applaud you for considering such a large group at once. I will also tell you that many in general will present it's daily issues. My brother and sister-in-law were able to have 6 bio kids and are having issues each and every day. Good luck and we are all here for you if you need support.

[lambeausam]

You know what your family can handle. If this goes through, I would strongly suggest having them transition the kids in groups. I suspect they are split into at least two foster homes, so you could transition the kids one foster home at a time. The key will be organization and clear rules and expectations. Take your time with this.

Sam

[one-lucky-mom]

I say go for it too! I would love to have a large family like that... maybe one day I can talk my DH into it (that's my plan anyways! lol).

My only concern for myself would be homeschooling. It's been hard for me to stay on track with homeschooling my 2 bio kids -- adding new foster kids & their scheduled visits/dr appts always throw a loop in my half "planned" day (lol).

Would you continue to homeschool? -- and would be consider homeschooling all of the new children too?

Best of luck to you! I think it's a wonderful and I'm sure the children would love to all stay together. Keep us posted!