[kxl164]

First they extended the case from 12 to 18 months to give the birthfamily one last chance.

- Fine, that is what our job was.

Then TPR happened but there was a question about notification of appeal timelines and they extended their appeal window by another 4 weeks.

- Fine, make sure everything is done right.

Then we waited for 6 months to be transferred to the Adoption unit because of staffing issues and adoptions are not a top priority since they are safe.

-Fine, we understand just keep us updated on what to expect.

Then we finally get into the Adoption unit and we have to wait 1 month to get an appointment, then it takes another 2 months to get everything updated and done and to the lawyer's office.

-OK, not a problem, we've waited this long and at least people are talking to us and getting things done.

BUT NOW........

NOW, our Adoption Petition was sent to the court over a month ago and it hasn't even been entered into the computer system yet. A new clerk was installed and our peition was missed, and now they can't find it. Once they do and enter it into the computer our actual adoption process can start and then it will take approximately another 6 months to finish.

- I am NOT OK with this anymore. We have been patient, we have been understanding, but if I didn't call and check up on where we were in the process no one would have even noticed! I am so sick of my family and my kids not being a priority to anyone anymore. My older son withdraws whenever we go to an appt. and they call him by his birth surname, he wants to be called by his family's last name, my last name, the last name they said we could teach him because the adoption was almost final. We were supposed to be finalized in August, now we will be lucky if we get done by November.

Sorry for the vent, but I am really tired of being patient and understanding and being forced to have to tell my kids it will be done soon, when people keep pushing us to the backburner.

[buttascotchbaby]

BTDT got the T-Shirt! I feel so bad for you and totally empathize with your pain! We are at a little over the 2.5 year mark and the 2+ years of frustration and set backs could fill this page! We FINALLY have a finalization date for September 8, 2008 (that will take us up to close to 3 years if anyone is still keeping track). However, that worries me b/c of what may happen in the next several months, what if something goes wrong? etc., etc... We have to now spend almost 4 months in continued limbo

Don't get me wrong! I am THRILLED we are finally getting to the end. The only reason we got things done is that I had to hire a lawyer. I was very lucky to find the best lawyer that goes up against CPS really cares about kids and took my case without a retainer and hopefully I will be able to use the adoption expenses one time reimbursement to pay him.

So, if there is any way you can even consult with an attorney, I would highly recommend it. Before I hired my attorney CPS was refusing to update my homestudy, refusing to get the adoption packet done... all kinds of shady stuff. Let me tell you: as soon as they were aware that I had a lawyer: Things Got Done!

[RobinKay]

You go girl!! buttascotch is right--it may be time for you to get a private attorney. Our young relative was placed with us after a long process to get him from one state to our state--and then the adoption happened in one month and six days.

Expensive solution, but it works.

[TxMom65]

Once we hired an attorney things moved along quickly.

[Jo Ellen]

I understand how frustrating this can all be. Not as an adoptive parent but an adoptee who searched for and found my 1st/ birth parents. I find it very interesting how we can be on different sides of the triad with different issues but still experience so many frustratons. Folllowing is the story of my frustrations I faced 2 1/2 years ago. After petitioning the court with two letters to the judge explaining health issues of me and my children so I could get my OBC which would have my 1st mothers name on it I got my OBC and after searching for her with the name on the OBC found out by the adoption agency that because in the earlier years....1962 for her .......they put the alias names on the OBC ..... the alias names the mothers chose when they went into the home. So then I continued the search by contacting the agency, had to pay their search fee, and they located my 1st mother and made contact with her and at that time found that my 1st parents had been together 38 years at that time. This has all been such a learning experience and such a heartache at the same time and what I have learned the most is the patience and courage it takes to endure all the time and energy it takes to go through any of this.

[kxl164]

Thanks for the support everyone, it is sad to know that when it comes to the system there are all kinds of barriers for people to overcome.

Getting a private attorney at this point wouldn't make a difference, the paperwork has already been submitted, it might be able to quicken the pace a bit, but honestly it would be a lot of money for something that is almost done. Maybe I'm wrong, and if my calls this week don't get results we might rethink it.

I'm just tired of it, like buttascoth... it has been over 2 years and looks like we will hit the 3 year mark for the kids being in non-permanent homes before they are adopted.

[buttascotchbaby]

Originally Posted by kxl164

Thanks for the support everyone, it is sad to know that when it comes to the system there are all kinds of barriers for people to overcome.

Getting a private attorney at this point wouldn't make a difference, the paperwork has already been submitted, it might be able to quicken the pace a bit, but honestly it would be a lot of money for something that is almost done. Maybe I'm wrong, and if my calls this week don't get results we might rethink it.

I'm just tired of it, like buttascotch... it has been over 2 years and looks like we will hit the 3 year mark for the kids being in non-permanent homes before they are adopted.

I would still see if you can at least consult with an attorney (usually they will give a free consultation) to see if there is anything that he/she can do. You never know and just having someone on your side will make you feel better and possibly make CPS take notice and act more appropriately (hey, we can dream, right? )

[Mommytinkerbell]

I know how you feel. We got our son at birth and didn't sign on him until he was 2.5 yrs old. And that is after we intervened and ended up winning Thank God. Otherwise that $8,000.00+ wouldve gone for nothing (And for those of you who have read about the cost before on here because I'm sure I said it before, I'm not bitter about that money, just could've bought our kids a home sooner if we hadn't had to spend it.). I would still have done it for the chance to adopt him tho! He is a wonderful child and has been nothing but fun and we love him (and our daughter who luckily had an easier case) with all our hearts and more. (Well I do actually get mad about the money because we already take kids knowing we could lose them which breaks our hearts and the bios get free attorneys in court, even while they go in and out of jail or give birth again, etc. during their cases. I want that money to have gone to my kids! So maybe I am a bit bitter? I dunno, but I know how much I love my kids and money isn't an issue. You could give me our next one now and say it'll cost $50,000 to adopt and I'll do it in a heartbeat. (I'd have to pay you out though! LOL. Just my thoughts on it all. Anyone else feel that way?)

It's soooo hard to wait. And about the name thing, my son is starting to read now and our CPS sends us our quarterly reports every 3 months after our main visit and on it is had who was at the visit and his name is his old name and my daughter's luckily has been changed in the system. I have asked so many times that they correct his as well. No help. I don't think it's right. He grew up with our name, doesn't even know that one, and I know one day he'll read it. Don't get me wrong, we already tell him his story, how we felt when we first saw him at the hospital, etc. and he knows he's adopted but it's still aggravating.

I'm praying for you all that it moves quickly now. Please let us know how it's going.

Hugs, Selina

[kxl164]

I hadn't heard back from the county lawyer's office so I called the court myself. They petition has been found. That is all of the information they would give me over the phone due to confidentiality (which cracks me up, I mean it is MY adoption petition).

I feel so relieved now though. At least they have it. Now, how long will it take to be entered into the system is another question.....

[cag4nyg]

they can tell you if the hearing is set what date and time. I had to do that because our date got changes nd no one even told us the new time. Being a paralegal i knew i could call and get the information. Some countys might make you go down there though. Just an FYI

[kxl164]

We don't get an actual hearing date here, the judge finalizes the adoption and then they send the info to you in the mail, so you find out about a week after your adoption was actually finalized.

But thank you on going down in person to get information, I will keep that in mind next time I have a question, I have no problem showing up at the clerk's office, with a few on my kids in tow!!!

[Yash]

K - I'm glad they found your paperwork...Here's praying for a quick adoption and those papers being in your hand before you know it.

Butta - Congrats on getting a date! I hope Sept 8 is here before you know it. I hate to rush life by, but sometimes it's so worth it.

[kxl164]

I'm not quite sure what to do with new information I received today.

We heard the wonderful news that friends of our, fellow foster parents in our county, finalized their adoption this week!

It is great to know that their adoption is done because their child was so looking forward to knowing things were final and it has been a long road for them.

And although I am happy for them, I am more angry with the county now.

This adoption was completed in 6 months. It took 6 months for us to get the adoption worker to come to our home. Theirs was COMPLETED, while we were pushed aside.

Our TPR was first by over 2 months, and while I do not wish for them to be still waiting to finalize, I do wish that someone would make some sort of effort for my family. TPR was in AUGUST and another family has already been FINALIZED when their TPR didn't happen until NOVEMBER.

I know I can't go back and change the past, but we are calling the agency lawyer tomorrow (we just got back from vacation and were actually happy that they found the paperwork), and if I don't get satisfactory answers we will be getting our own lawyer, just to be a watchdog over the court and county.

Last week I was relieved that the paperwork was found, not I am even more angry that we have been made to wait for NO REASON because they had the time to complete other adoptions, just not ours.

[kxl164]

UPDATE:

After calling my lawyer, the court office, and my state delegate our paperwork has since been entered and DSS is now preparing our final forms.

Of course these forms have to be sent back to the court for finalization.... but hopefully it won't take as long!

It is amazing what a few phone calls and list of dates, times, and people contacted can do!