[SavingALife19]

How old do you think one should be before thinking about fostering? I don't mean to offend anyone, but I believe God has led me to fostering. I had a strong dream about being a foster parent for the older children and those who have already been phased out of the system that I haven't been able to forget. I've been feeling stronger and stronger about this decision, but I'm only 19, and I know that I can't be a parent to someone my own age, or who is the age of my little brother..can I? I would really like to know what you all think, I mean, you all seem so knowledgeable.. it would really help me.

[RavenSong]

I think it's wonderful that you feeled called to fostering children. I think 19 is a tad young, however, especially since it sounds like you want to work with teenagers.

Have you ever considered becoming a Volunteer in Probation (VIP) or a Big Sister? These programs are always in dire need of young people who would like to be mentors to youngsters. I became a Volunteer in Probation for the San Diego County Juvenile Probation Department when I was about your age. It was one of the most fulfilling things I've ever done. I was given my choice of whether I wanted to help out in Juvenile Hall, or whether I wanted to work one-on-one with a youngster in trouble. I ended up doing both, and never regretted it for a moment. I know I made a difference in some of those kids' lives ~ several of them contacted me many years later to tell me how much they had appreciated the relationship I had with them when they were teenagers!

Some of my friends have volunteered with the Big Brother Big Sisters of America program. I've heard mostly good things about the organization. You can find out more information on their organization at Big Brothers Big Sisters of America..

There are many things you can do at your age that will help make a difference in a child's life. You can volunteer at homeless shelters, adolescent psychiatric wards, alternative schools (including those set up for young teenage mothers), juvenile detention centers, recreation centers, you name it... Believe me, the need for foster parents will still exist in a few years when you're in your middle-20s!

[mellaf]

Hi!

You sound like me when I was that age, lol. I have been thinking about fostering for a long time now. I had friends who grew up in foster care and I absolutely believe I was destined to become a foster/adoptive parent, so I know what you're going through with trying to figure out ages.

Have you ever thought of joining a mentor project like Big Brothers/Big Sisters or we have something called Best Buddies here in Massachusetts which matches adults with children/teens with intellectual disabilities. You could also volunteer at the local YMCA or other kid/teen friendly social service agency like Girls, Incorporated or you could even call the guidance office at your local high school and ask if they have a mentor program. I know around me, they also have people/mentors that assist in the lives of the kids in foster care (GALs, etc).

If nothing else, it could give you some valuable experiences with teens or almost-teens. We all know there's lots of them out there that could use a good role model.

I hope that helps a little.

[Tudu]

If you have a strong desire to do this than I would suggest the route I took. At 21 you can work in a group home, they will probably put you in with younger children at first but that doesn't mean you have to stay there forever. It gives you experience to use elsewhere. Parenting special needs kids are tough and a few years in a highly structured situaion will hep you navigate the system and develop your parenting skills with a professional looking in on you.

Please PM me if I can help you anymore. I am happy to help you figure out where to start.

[mellaf]

ha ha RavenSong and I were thinking the same thing...

There are a lot of mentoring programs out there--I didn't even know there were programs within the Probation area or even with Group Homes. Good to know!

At 19, I know I wasn't ready to parent even though I knew I would eventually. Just 6 years later, I'm almost to the point where we would be welcoming an older child into our home.

So definitely, don't lose your dream of fostering. You can still be involved without being an actual foster parent. It can also get your foot in the door to understanding the system a little more. I thought I understood the process and system when we started down the fost/adopt road and boy was I sorely mistaken!!!

[SavingALife19]

Thank You guys so so much.. I will definately be in contact with all of you for more of your opinions, as soon as I talk to my parents. All of you gave me so much to think about.

[atouchofheaven]

saving - i also was called to fostering at a young age. i knew i wanted to adopt since i was a little girl! when i got out of high school i started working in special ed as a classroom assistant and picked up tons of knowledge and skills that have helped me become a better parent now that i'm ready.

now i am 26 and i have my son, through foster care and i am so glad i waited! i waited first to get married, then to become financially stable, and i am positive that waiting has made me a more confident and well equiped mom. parenthood is very challenging. ask any mom and they will tell you! it's so much harder than i had ever thought and i had mad skills! and fostering a hurt child makes it even more of a challenge.

it sounds like you have the heart and the passion to be a great foster parent. just make sure you have the other things in place to ensure you are truly successful.

also, you do want to be sure you are at least several years older than the kids you have to parent. it's hard to get the respect you need when you are not much older than your kids are. there are many younger children (grade school age) that are hard to place as well. i commend you for your courage and desire to go into this journey. good luck to you!

[chevyjewel]

I was 23 and my husband was 22 when we started the process. I'm not sure if age is as big of a deal as much as maturity level. I'm also not sure if there are minimum age requirements where you're from (like age 18 or 21) to become a foster parent. I know in our county they prefer at LEAST a 10 year age difference between the foster child and it's foster parents.

I will say too I don't think I could foster without the support of my husband. Being in a stable relationship with someone that's there for me everyday going through the same ups and downs as I am has absolutely been my saving grace. Fostering is HARD WORK!!! Plus it's tough to get out when you have a foster kiddo because you can't leave them with a sitter, so I think it would get mighty lonely without another consistent adult contact as support. Not to say some aren't strong or capable enough to handle fostering themselves, just that I couldn't and it's certainly something to consider if you're looking at what's best for YOU as well as any potential kiddos you would be helping.

[Hipi]

I have always had it in the back of my mind to adopt from foster care... well... as long as I can remember. The older I got the stronger the feeling & longing to do so got. Now I am 32, & it had become the option I really want to go.

From my own experience, 19 is so young. Think about the life you want to give your child or children & focus on that, I'd say, until you're at least 25. You'll be amazed how much you are going to change between now & then. Think that's a long time? No way. It will fly by, believe me.

I know before now I was not mature enough to adopt, & even now I want to wait until I'm 35. I don't know why, but I know this is the right thing to do. I absolutely know it. Right now I have a really good job & I live in a nice home, but I still rent. There are things I want to accomplish so that I can give my kids the best life I can give them. If you want to do the same, work on buiding that foundation for now... in other words, work on yourself.

Saying that, I think being a mentor or a Big Sister to older foster kids is an awesome idea that you can do right now, since you feel called. It is an excellent opportunity for learning & gaining experience until the right time comes along. And when it does you will absolutely know it.

Good luck,

[stepadoptionblog]

At age 19 I became a part time parent to my husband's 8 year old son. Less than a year later when I was 20 I was a full time mom to my then 9 year old stepson. Was I able to do it, yes. Was I able to do it well...yes. Was I able to do it as well as I am now at age...gasp...27, no.

I have always been mature for my age, level headed, responsible, all of those things that you think of when you think of a 'good parent' but I was still young and there was a lot that I didn't know, that I had to learn while raising my now adopted stepson.

Personally I would give it a few years. Work in a group home, be a mentor, or become a CASA worker. Sure it can be done at such a young age, it can just be done better and easier at a slightly older age.

[zebramom]

Most states won't let you foster until you're at least 21, especially if you're not married.

Here in Wisconsin, you are not allowed to adopt a child that you could not have biologically given birth to. This would greatly limit the age of child that you are allowed to adopt.

There is a great need for trained respite providers. Talk to foster parents in your area about respite and what kind of respite they would like. See what you can do about getting trained for respite. Being a mentor is another great option.

I think you're getting great advice here. Being a foster parent is tough work, and being a foster parent to a teen is even harder. It is most difficult to do it as a single parent.