[BZmom7]

I'm having alot of problems with our fs who's almost 6yrs. old. We've had him in our home for 15 months now. He's always been a picky eater, but it's getting worse and worse as time goes on. I'm not sure what to do at this point.

He's never really like many veggies, and most fruits turn him off too. Well..the other nite...we had green beans with our Ham, mashed potatoes, and bisquets. I put ONE green bean on his plate and asked him to at least TRY it. Of course he said..."NO, I don't like that". I asked him again...to please at least try it. Well...he sat there for about 10 minutes, just staring off into space. I finally got so upset, I told him until he at least took a bite of the green bean, he wasn't getting anything else to eat. Well, that didn't work either. He just sat there, refusing to eat. We all just kept eating (trying to see if ignoring him would work). Once everyone was finished eating, I started clearing off the table. He kept asking me for more Ham and a bisquet. I kept telling him to TRY and take a bite of the bean. FINALLY, after 20 minutes, he took one of the smallest bites I've EVER seen...but hey, he did take a bite. So I let him have more ham and a bisquet.

I'm trying so hard to "indroduce" him to veggies and fruit, but he just won't have it! He won't eat any kind of potatoe unless it's a french fry. If I fed him only things I knew he'd eat...he'd eat only french frys, chicken nuggets, and hot dogs.

We have 3 other kids in our house, and most of them eat real good and will at least try new things. If i continue to let our fs to eat in this way, how can I teach the others to eat right? How do I get him to eat things or at least try things? Could this be a control thing for him?

I'm at my wits end with all this. Mealtime is one of the most stressful parts of my day. We have had him evaulated and it's founded that he does have ADHD. So could that have something to do with it?

Please...if someone has any thoughts or suggestions on how to handle all of this..send them my way.

My husband has gone so far as to tell me to try making veggie cookies....lol.

[ljapala]

Veggie Cookies sound great! Milk shakes are another. If he does like juices, V8 offers some great tasting types.

My first impression was that indeed this is a control issue. With other aspects of his life being out of control, this may be the one area he feels comfortable controlling. Maybe assist him to realize other areas of his life he does have control over and it is okay for his development for independence. He may also need help labeling his feelings. The veggies may signify something more about his former life.

My mother-in-law, who used to foster, suggested having him help prepare some of the food with you. Her reasoning is that a child may be more prone to eating something he/she has helped prepare.

I hope there is something here for you. Your local WIC office may have further suggestions even if you are not on their program. They have great suggestions on making veggies fun.

Good Eating!

[Boulderbabe]

My son is like this, too. He just balks at the veggies. So here's some of what's worked for us:

--"Dinosaur trees": I pretended to be a dinosaur eating trees while growling and snarling. My son thinks this is hilarious (he's 4) and now will eat broccoli whenver he can.

--Cheese sauce: On just about everything.

--Eating non-bitter veggies: Cucumbers are a pretty good place to start, especially when it's hot.

--"Hors d'oeuvres": I let him get good and hungry, and then put baby carrots and hummus or ranch dressing out. He likes dipping things, and he's hungry enough to eat quite a bit while he's waiting for dinner.

--Canned pumpkin: it's pretty nutritious, and you can sneak it into a lot of baked goods. If you take a cake mix and instead of adding eggs and oil just add an entire can of pumpkin, you can pour the batter into muffin tins and make cupcakes. The kids are none the wiser that they're eating pumpkin.

--Backyard garden: My son is really liking eating the zucchini and green beans he helped to plant and water.

--Cooking together: He puts on his chef hat and apron, and I let him peel veggies and even saute them himself (with me standing right beside him). He's really proud of what he makes and will eat it right up. Last week we even made ratatouille, which he liked because he could pretend to be Remy the Rat while we were making it!

Hope this helps!

[kenzie_dark]

My babe is really too small to balk at veggies, but I'm in practice for when he gets older. I just put veggies in anything ground beef. Grated carrots, spinach, onions, zuchinni etc. They go into meatloaf, meatballs, hamburgers, lasaunga. It adds veggies and makes the meat go further.

[JeannineW]

It's your responsiblity to serve nutritious food and it's his job to eat from what you offer him. I don't cater to picky eaters. I serve what I serve making sure there is something every kid will eat (if nothing else bread) and they eat what they eat. One kid may eat only brown rice, another only broccoli and the third only sweet potatoes. Not my problem. They all have something in their tummies and there is always another meal coming up. Overtime, they get what they need and a multi vitamin doesn't hurt either.

If you enter into a control issue over food, you will lose and so will the child plus mealtimes will be no fun. I have a little boy that comes to the table and pretty much always says, "I'm not eating that!" We just say ok and by the end of the meal he usually has eaten most of what he wasn't going to eat.

[BZmom7]

Thanks for all the responses. Jeannine...I do have a few questions. I do like what your saying, but are you saying I should just let him pick what he will eat? Or put everything thats on the table on his plate? Should I just put a little of everything on his plate and let him pick through it and refuse to eat most of it, and then throw what he doesn't eat? We KNOW he won't even touch mashed potatoes, so I usually don't even put them on his plate. When we do have something that I know he won't eat (like fish) I usually make him a peanut butter sandwich. Should I keep doing that? Or put the fish on his plate, only to have him sit there and cry that he won't eat it.

I really don't have a big problem with him not eating...because I know theres always another meal coming and when he gets hungry enough, he'll eat...it's the CRYING through the whole meal because he doesn't want to eat what is on his plate that is driving me totally nuts! It makes EVERYONES meal time almost unbearable.

I do give him a multi vitamin every morning. So i'm hoping that is helping him out some.

Thanks again for all the responses, and I'll try almost anything at this point.

[AmyAnne]

With our son, we had a bit of control in the beginning with food. He at one point refused to eat Salisbury Steak because he simply decided he did not want it without trying it. After a 2 hour tantrum, and a cool off period, would you believe this is now his FAVORITE food?

What we do here is to put a small amount of the main meal (meat, cassarole, whatever) and veggies on the plate for our son. IF he finishes that, he may have seconds. If he doesn't want the potatoes, rice, etc, I don't push it.

Do you allow a lot of snacking during the day?

I agree with the pureed veggies in the ground beef. Also, my son does well with raw veggies and dip.

On the making of a special meal, we have a set number of "veto" meals. (These are things my son has tried and DOES NOT LIKE) Our son has chosen to "veto" cheese souffle and shrimp salad. IF we have those things, I will make him a different meal. He may also choose to "veto" takeout food such as pizza and have a hot dog or sandwich instead.

He also has the option to pick an alternate vegetable if he does not like the one I have served, but he must pick a vegetable. (Often this is cucumbers and ranch dressing. )

[akcskye]

Another thing to consider is YOUR attitude toward veggies.

Are you just eating them because it balances out your meal, or do you truly enjoy them?

If you enjoy them, does he see this?

I think a lot of parents set themselves up for failure because kids sense fear...and when someone plates something up and watches for the subtlest of reactions, then, to a child needing control, that's all they need to get all eyes on them.

Casseroles are a great way to introduce picky eaters to new vegetables.

I make a ground beef/tomato/okra/rice casserole that even my daughter likes...and she HATES okra. Or at least, did.

Being a vegetarian (when I eat meat, it has to be hormone/steroid free due to my own allergies), I serve up lots of veggies...so, sweeter veggies, like tomatoes, peppers, etc, are almost always on our plates.

I am thankful my kids love carrots and ranch...so that is a healthy snack I offer...but I control the ranch portion...because they don't like Light Ranch...and frankly, neither do I...so our "splurge" is the full fat ranch...just less of it.

I also serve garden burgers to get the kids used to eating a variety of veggie flavors.

Another thing to consider is texture. Green beans can be slimy...or tough...depending upon fresh or canned.

If he doesn't like mashed potatoes...there's a possibility that it's the texture he doesn't like.

That's like me and wet bread...ICK...don't get me started on that...haha

But, my kids have a "can't deny it unless you try it" rule...they cannot say they don't like something, even if they've had it in their birth home or other placements, until they've tried mine...tastes change as you grow...and preparation is different from one cook to another.

I by no means am a short order cook, but there are sometimes where I offer ravioli to my daughter when hubby, son, and I are going to have liver and onions...something that we all know isn't something that everyone loves...LOL

Hope any of this rambling helped.

[mrsred]

There are so many things that we really have to battle with our kids over. I agree with the poster that often it is a control issue. I cook what I want to cook. the kids (and I have three kids all with certain levels of pickiness) eat what they eat. I don't allow anyone to say "Ewwwww" or otherwise disturb or sway other eaters. I do expect that they eat a balanced diet, and if they don't want to eat what I make then they need to find something they will eat, that will provide the nutrition they need. For instnace, my oldest hates spagheti sauce, but he loves the noodles with parmesan cheese and butter. So, fine, he can have that, but now he is also going to have a generous serving of another vegetable, and some other source of protein before the end of the day. Sometimes that means that "dessert" is cottage cheese or yogurt. And we do use supplements too. There is even one out now called "greens" that is the equivelent of a couple servings of green vegetables.
Our youngest was really unfamiliar with vegetables when he came to live with us at the age of five. When I would serve veggies he would say "That can't be good for me". No matter what I said about them being healthy he would not eat them. One night I grabbed the brocoli and said "Fee fie fo fum, I'm a giant, yum,yum" and popped one in my mouth. Our bio son followed suite and did the same thing. Well, he just had to join right in the game, and polished off the whole bowl of brocoli! The next day when I asked him what he wanted for lunch he said BROCOLI! I did the same thing with asparagus (skinny trees), beans became grass, potatoes were mountains, brussel sprouts were even little planets - we were really, really big giants that night!. We had quite a few meal time adventures, but I can honestly say that I have no trouble getting any of myh kids to eat veggies now... Just wish I could say the same for meat loaf.

[ECDGA]

Our Fs has a big problem at mealtime. He only seems to want french fries, hotdogs, pizza and nuggets. When I prepare our dinner I set his plate down. When he comes to the table he can choose to eat or not. At that point, if he is not eating, he needs to leave the dining area. We enjoy our meal without him crying and ruining it. I invite him back one time--if he comes great--if not, I assure him that more meals will follow in the morning. We have a candy bowl filled with mini candy bars that the kids choose from after dinner. THis is a big incentive for him if he is balking at the veggies. One thing--do not let him ruin the meal. Ignore what he eats. If it is not satisfactory-just say,without lecturing "only healthy eaters get sweets in this house" and move on. If he cries at your table make him leave. Our fs will now eat steak, baked chicken(i let him dip it in ketchup) mashed potatoes, bits and I mean bits of squash, zuchini, broccoli, spinach,rice and lots of things that he would not touch before.

[kbatesgomez]

In my house, the rule is, you eat what you're fed. If you state you don't like something, you have tried, I try to accomodate. But when this becomes a habit and seems to be heading toward a downward spiral toward picky eating, I nip it. I tell the child that they will eat what has been prepared or they will not eat. As others have said, there is always another meal coming up.

All of my kids (3 foster children under age 5) eat fruits and veggies very well. But, of course, they like other things better. So, to make sure they eat all their fruits/veggies at each meal, I serve it to them alone and first. Only once they've finished their fruits/veggies do they get the remainder of their meal (which covers the other 3 food groups, meat, dairy, and grain). And only once most of their meal is gone do they get their beverage. This ensures they eat all their fruits and veggies and don't fill up on liquids and not eat their meal. I don't serve dessert except on special occasions. If they finish everything on their plates from all the food groups and if they still want more of something, THEN I give them seconds of whatever they want. Sometimes my kids don't eat as much as I'd like them to, but I don't get any complaints.

Hope this helps someone out there.

[chevyjewel]

Originally Posted by JeannineW

It's your responsiblity to serve nutritious food and it's his job to eat from what you offer him. I don't cater to picky eaters. I serve what I serve making sure there is something every kid will eat (if nothing else bread) and they eat what they eat. One kid may eat only brown rice, another only broccoli and the third only sweet potatoes. Not my problem. They all have something in their tummies and there is always another meal coming up. Overtime, they get what they need and a multi vitamin doesn't hurt either.

If you enter into a control issue over food, you will lose and so will the child plus mealtimes will be no fun. I have a little boy that comes to the table and pretty much always says, "I'm not eating that!" We just say ok and by the end of the meal he usually has eaten most of what he wasn't going to eat.

This is exactly what we do.


I don't make an issue of mealtime at all. I'm all about offering a variety and letting the child eat what they're going to eat. I don't necessarily believe in hiding veggies in food either because is that really something the child is going to do when they're old enough to make their own meals? Probably not. And I don't agree with serving a child something else because they don't like what's on the menu. There should be enough at the table to make up for the item should the child not choose to eat it.

I hit the five food groups in all my meals keeping in mind my kids likes and dislikes. I try to put in at least one thing they love and leave the rest up to them. It is my experience that if you serve it enough times they're going to start eating it anyway and my pediatrician supports this thinking. I think he told me you have to serve most children a food at least 7 times before they'll accept it into their palate.

My kids know if they don't eat a balanced meal they don't get desert, which is also an encouragement to them. That said I never FORCE them to try or eat anything. My parents did that and to this day I still struggle with eating in front of people I think will judge me for what I put in my mouth. It's a huge hindrance as far as social situations go for me. I won't do that to my kids. I do praise the heck out of them when they find the courage to find something new though.




BZ mom - I can sympathize with your not wanting a sob fest at the table everyday. However every time you cater to him to get him to stop crying you're supporting that behavior. You're teaching him if he cries long enough, or hard enough that he's going to get his way. I also don't agree with letting him leave the table to play or whatnot. Meal time in our home is family time, he's old enough to sit at the table whether he's eating or not even if it's just for the conversation.

If I were you I would have a talk with the whole family. Get everyone on the same page. Let everyone know from now on what you serve for dinner is what you're having and when you're done everyone is done. Crying is going to be ignored completely and anyone that does it will lose desert privileges even if they do chose to eat a complete meal after the face (that may be a bit harsh depending on the child so gauge appropriately). It might take a bit of undoing where things will get worse before they get better but I'm sure he'll stop when he realizes he's not getting a reaction from anyone and he's certainly not going to get his way. You just have to stay consistent. I'm pretty sure he's going to see he's only punishing himself with his behavior and mealtimes will soon get better for everyone.

Good luck!

[kayb]

How about frozen veggies? My dd won't eat cooked vegy's at dinner anymore....She used to. I agree on the texture thing.

So straight from the freezer, the colder the better, i give her a small serving of frozen peas, corn and green beans. The bags ziploc at the top on the nicer brands and open and close better for little servings.(keep the servings small or they defrost and get mushy and taste like vegys)

They are SWEET and COLD and comes from the same shelf as the popsicles and ice cream.....from a kid's prespective.

good luck

[waited2long]

I also had major fights at dinner as a kid. My father wanted me to "clean" my plate... My mother would mix veggies in with casseroles and meat loaf.

I hated dinner, the more they pushed, the more I hated it. I was underweight my entire childhood and developed Acid Reflux at 10 because of my bad eating habits.

Making something as important as mealtime stressful can cause alot of problems. For me it was Acid Reflux, it can also lead to Bolemia(sp?) or Anorhexia(sp?). Believe me, you would rather have a picky eater!

Kids aren't always being controlling or testing you. I really did not like most foods as a kid. To this day, I can taste onion powder in ANY dish! When McDonald's screws up my order and I bite into a pickle, I gag so badly I can't finish the rest of my meal. (I don't eat McD's often, it's just a good example. LOL)

I would suggest getting your child one of those plates/dishes with the divided sections, or serve his/her food on seperate smaller dishes. Serve every food the rest of you are having, but don't react to what he/she eats. And, don't make a big deal if he/she "plays" with the food, sometimes a kid wants to get a feel for something before tasting it. If, after everyone else is through, it looks like he/she hasn't eaten enough, make a peanut butter sandwich. Peanut Butter is extremely good for kids and most love it.

I also like the idea of no desserts except on Special Occasions. I don't think kids really need that extra sugar every day anyhow!

Eventually he/she will try the other foods, just because he/she sees the rest of the family eating it. Over time, his/her likes will grow.

Also, keep up the vitamins!

Okay, I'm done harping!!! (smile)

[gothedistance]

When our fd first came at age 2, all she wanted was chicken nuggets, potato chips, and red punch. We started there and worked up. First we found that she would eat green beans... only canned ones, but better than nothing so we fed her green beans 3 meals a day. She hated fruit and even gagged on bananas. One day we discovered she loved watermelon so she ate a lot of that. We began sneaking veggies into everything.... We grated carrots into spaghetti sauce, and ground all types of veggies into meatballs and meatloaf. Zuccini bread was and is a big hit. When she discovered that she liked ranch dressing, that opened up the door to many more veggies and dip. Also we used yogurt as a dip for fruit. We also made fruit smoothies for snacks (which we called milkshakes). In fact, we eliminated all snacks that weren't a fruit or vegetable. If she came into the kitchen hungry between meals we gave her only two choices: A fruit, or a vegetable. Also, if I was still cooking dinner and she came in complaining of being "starving" I'd say, "Oh, OK, you can eat your salad while I finish cooking dinner" She LOVED this idea and felt like she was getting away with something. Eventually we trained her to eat her fruit and veggies before the rest of her meal, while still giving her the feeling of having some control by saying something like, "When your peas are gone, you can choose what to eat next...potatoes or chicken."
Now at age 5 she eats just about anything. It's amazing, really.
Also, we try to remember that as adults there are some foods that we don't like therefore we tend to just not serve them... Because of this, we allow each child 2 foods that they can declare off-limits and we don't expect them to eat them.