[Lamaena]

As some of you may know my dh and I have had a prescious little girl in our care since she was 4 days old, she is now a 20 month old princess; a prescious member of our family we feel blessed to be able to care for.
July 1st was our last Judicial Review (JR) and at that time the determination was made that the bmom would begin unsupervised visits leading towards RU (if she doesn't use and maintains her housing and employment). Well, while I would love to state that my husband and I are feeling positive about the situation, we can't, not because we want to 'take' the baby away from her bmom, but rather bc the bmom has not been able to demonstrate she is truly invested in providing a stable and healthy environment for little D to grow up in. To begin with, bmom exposed the baby to meth and marijuana in utero, then she violated probation and was thrown in prison for 11 months (which means that by the time she saw the baby again since infancy the baby was already 12 months old), after being released from prison in November of 2007 the bmom has lied consistently, became pregnant by a man that is now in prison for attempting to kill a cop, and tested positive for meth again in March. The bmom has also had the opportunity to visit the baby at the daycare every day of the week between 8:30am and 5:00pm, she has not taken advantage of this opportunity and instead only visited the baby during her two hours supervised visitation once per week. After her relapse, the plan as we understood it was to terminate her parental rights (bdad is also in prison on drug charges), but, due to the CM's inability to do her job, that was impossible b/c the case was not staffed when the mother used, instead the CM waited until the bmom for the first time pushed to get a place to live and job to staff it with the legal department who then stated the bmom was again in compliance with her case plan.
Now here we are 7/30/08 feeling so depleated of energy, hopeless, and upset. The baby had recurreing ear infections last year as a results of some visits with the bio family (they smoke a lot and around the children). We were able to succesfully have the visits discontinued after the bfamily was asked repeatedly to take the necessary meassures to protect the baby from the cigarette smoke and chose not to. In January of the current year the ENT put tubes in the baby's ears and that coupled with the lack of exposure to cigarette smoke was THE remedy. Since the visits began on July 2nd, the baby has again had a severe ear infection, and the members of the system appear not to care. Furthermore, the bmom is lying to the CM that trusts everything she tells her.
I have been reciting the Serenity Prayer over and over, wanting to figure out whether there is or isn't anything else for us to do. I need help; advise from those of you that are familiar with the system. What else, if anything, can we do to ensure our fd's safety? We are convinced, as a result of the bmother's actions, that she is not prepared to put herself second to take care of little D or this new baby on the way (considering she used while pregnant with this baby too - and NO we are not interested in taking in the other baby). We are due to go back to court early September and fear D is going to be returned to what we can clearly see is an unstable and unsafe environment. PLEASE HELP!

[vernellinnj]

Lamaena - My hear aches for you. I UNDERSTAND how you are feeling as (I'm sure you know) I am in somewhat of a similar situation. MY fc has been with me over 2 years and the case plan is STILL concurrent. We have a hearing soon and I pray the judge doesn't have an epiphany and say to start working towards RU. I've prayed the entire time for God's will to be done and now I waiver between letting it play out and hiring an attorney. I tell myself that if I've prayed I can't then dispute what happens and I have to trust that it is indeed "God's will". I don't know.....it's just so hard.

Have you thought of consulting an attorney to see if you have any rights? Know that I am thinking of you and that I pray the best interest of the child is met.

P.S. I believe in miracles and I'm asking God for one on your behalf! PM me if you want to talk!

[tinatyme]

I too understand how you feel. Looking at birthmom behaviors and actions in the past, it looks like even if she does get your fd back she won't be able to maintain a stable home, employment, and stay clean. IF (and it is a big if at this point) reunification happens your fd will probably return to care pretty quickly. I know that is little consolation when you have raised her and worried about her health and emotional well being. I'm giving you hugs and hoping you make it through this process relatively unscathed.

[Lamaena]

Thank you both for your thoughtful words and prayers.

[athikers]

Will I EVER get to finalize my daughter's adoption!?!?!??!?!?!

Just a little vent... I know it will happen, someday.

[Boulderbabe]

Of course, athikers, it will happen. It will happen the exact moment that you put down a huge non-refundable deposit on a vacation, or about ten minutes after one of the kids decides to cut their own hair. :-) Doesn't Murphy's Law always apply in these situations?

(Hang on....it's surely going to be soon!)

[Perfect7]

Hang in there, Athikers! I can't imagine how frustrating the wait must be once the child is already with you and "part of the family" but not legally. Paper, phooey! Lots of us are still impatient to be matched/placed and now we see we're going to have to wait even longer. Can we still adopt them after they turn 18? ha ha.

[shycar]

I can finally post here!!! Woo hooo. We have been waiting for a year for a legal risk situation and now we have two. Punky was close to going home and the day before sw called to say she is staying. Now last week in court Judge order pre-tpr trial in 30 days. So we will see what happens then. Sw is starting our paperwork. We also go placed with teeny a month ago as legal risk. His parents are doing OK, meaning they have done some things, but not everything, especially the important things. They have had many many tpr previouse so sw really think he will go to tpr also. I know anything can happen, but Im just happy that there is a chance.

[sunsetsky]

athikers... I can so relate. I try not to think about the appeal.

[Forever_family]

TPR was in March, Judge signed in June-caseworker didn't get notice until after appeal process was over-, good news is that nobody appealed. However, we still do not have a court date and our worker just completed our subsidy after sitting on it for 3 months............. We have to wait until that comes back and then she will more then likely take her sweet time to compile the paperwork. Then we have to get in line with family court-currently 2 months. The EARLIEST we can have a finalization date is December.
Our attorney is making sure we are more on the caseworkers mind lately, its the only things that has helped us move. Very soon we are going to have so start redoing paperwork/fingerprints/physicals! Beyond frustrated. But what can we do?

Add to it that we are ready to proceed with another adoption, through an agency placement of an infant, and CPS will not allow us to do this until our son's adoption is finalized, yet they are the ones who are holding it up .

[unclederwood]

Licensed: 9/26/06
1st Placement: "Peewee" Placed 10/18/06, Reunified 9/21/07

2nd Placement: FS "Monkey" born on 4/4/07, placed on 5/26/07 straight from NICU (born at 31 weeks)

3rd Placement: FD "Jellybean" born on 3/14/06. Placed on 6/6/07 from shelter (Monkey's sister)

Relinquishment by mom: 4/10/08
TPR on dad: 4/14/08

Adoption Day: 8/15/2008

[athikers]

Can I move to your county please? Oh! I mean congratulations!!! That was fast!!!


I do have some good news, the open adoption agreement is finally signed for Pixie... now we just wait for the subsidy paperwork, which we've heard is straight forward in our case... like anything has been straight forward in our case.

[hockeywoman]

Originally Posted by Forever_family

Add to it that we are ready to proceed with another adoption, through an agency placement of an infant, and CPS will not allow us to do this until our son's adoption is finalized, yet they are the ones who are holding it up .

Yup, we are wanting another sib group placement, but we cannot show interest in any until after finalization. But SW is telling us it's <1 mo to get a court date, so hopefully...

[Yash]

You know what's scary is when your child's adoption worker isn't quite sure what's going on with your adoption placement paperwork. I pray this isn't a sign of things to come.....

[daveandmina]

We had our Aug. visit with cw yesterday and bmom is still MIA. Not one peep & everyone seems to think she believes she has already been TPR'd since she didn't go to the first 6 month hearing and no one had the chance to explain things to her. So, even though it was a HUGE bummer the court gave her 6 more months back in June we are doing pretty good for now. CW says it will be a definite TPR in December and has already started some paperwork and referred us to yet another class/workshop we have to take. Not that we're complaining!