[beept]

Thankfully getting the TPR went quickly for me, because now things have really slowed down! In MN the child only has to be in your home as an adoptive placement for 3 months before finalization, but I am told it is going to be much longer. I was originally told we would try to finalize this summer, but that is not going to happen. I think I will be lucky if it is done by the end of the year.

[chattsix]

i have a child (boy) been with me since 2002 he is gonna be 9 next week still havent gotten tpr very long story but i am a relative placement
but i didnt take him from foster home he hadnt bonded with anyone i am out of state from where he came from so they have let him fall in the cracks so now i am haveing to get a lawyer from the state i am in now and one from the state he is from...
i learn alot from this site keep the info coming it helps us all one way or the other thanks

[tinatyme]

M came to us in May and her TPR was the next week. Even though she is almost 2 and they have been searching for resources since her birth they are still going to do a search for resources now. The grandmother gave them the name of a relative out of state so they will have to go through this other state for a homestudy and background check. The social worker is telling me that this could take at least 6 months and that is if the relatives decide to go through with the placement. Ugh! I said to the worker "At that point she will be almost 3 and will have been with us for a year" and she seemed unconcerned. It is very frustrating to watch these children remain in limbo because of bureaucracy! If there is a relative out there that qualifies and would like to raise her then I wish they would expediate the process so that she can move and adjust before she is totally cognizant of what is going on and will remember us.

We continue to tell them that if they don't find a resource then I would love to adopt her. We'll see.

[Yash]

Tina,

I'm so sorry. Has the CW even talked to the cousin to see if he or she is really interested in adopting M? Or is this based off of grandma's referral? M is blessed to have you as a mom.

[tinatyme]

Originally Posted by Yash

Tina,

I'm so sorry. Has the CW even talked to the cousin to see if he or she is really interested in adopting M? Or is this based off of grandma's referral?

I don't know. The CW let me know that though she didn't have to take this step (because the TPR has already been granted and they have already done a relative search) she felt that it was in M's best interest. I think she is having a little power trip but I hope that there is a positive outcome anyway. What I don't want is for this to go on for another 6-8 months and then no family step forward and then we are back at where we started but M is a year older. Ugh!

Originally Posted by Yash

M is blessed to have you as a mom.

Thank you so much Yash! Coming from you that means a lot.

Tina

[tlmerrie]

That's frustrating that the CW thinks that it's in her best interest. I will also say that I think relative searches can really be a joke. Supposedly one was done with biomom's first child in our case.

I am a relative, but can tell you that our little one was jerked around like crazy. By the bio mother rather than DCS; but I believe it harmed her deeply. I suppose it was better than if her biomom had had her the entire time, but still.

Our number one concern was that she not be moved unnecessarily. However, the other thing about relative placement, is that the closest relative has priority. Which isn't necessarily a good thing.

It's not that I don't think relatives should have an opportunity, it's just that their rights shouldn't take precedence over the child's.

Thanks for letting me vent.
Amy

[tinatyme]

I agree tlmerrie. I am very supportive of RU and have had very successful RU situations with relatives but this situation is just hitting me wrong. I don't see how this is in her best interest after she has already been in care for 20 months in which they had plenty of time to do a resource search and now that she is in a foster/adopt home the process is delayed with an uncertain outcome.

The reality is though that I have no say anyway and that I'm just a passenger on the rollercoaster not the ride operator. Hopefully we will get to the end in one piece!

[tlmerrie]

20 months?????? That's incredible. They need to quit moving kids after that long. How could that be in anyone's best interest?

And if a relative really wanted to intervene, they should have done it by now.

I am sooooo sorry!

Amy

[Lamaena]

Our fd D came into our home when she was 4 days old, she is now 7 months old. D's bmom was on probation when she gave birth to D, soon after her birth she violated her probation and has since been incarcerated, she got a 1 year and one day sentence but may be out by October. D's bdad is also incarcerated, he was sentenced to 7 years in state prison a few months prior to D's birth.Background: D has 3 half brothers that are in long term relative care placement with their maternal aunt. Maternal aunt wanted D to be placed with her but failed the home-study. Since D came to live with us the aunt has wanted contact off and on but never really has followed through with anything.D's bparents are both drug-dealers and addicts. Their drug of choice is meth and mom has been an eilicit drug user for over a decade. My biggest fear is that she will stay clean just long enough to get this prescious little girl back to then relapse back into drug use. D has had no contact with her mother with the exception of her birth and one visit, the aunt has only met her twice, and her three brothers have only seen her once.D is a happy lil'girl, she's had a normal upbringing in our family; she's full of love and is adored by our entire family. My heart aches when I consider the possibility of our lil'princess being removed from our home, we know she will be with us until she's at least 2 yrs old, or so the GAL and CW say. Thus far we just try our best to live one day at a time, the thought of having D placed in an unsafe environment is just too painful to even contemplate.I look forward to getting to know each of your stories and to be able to give and receive the support we all need.Thanks!

[Michele81]

DH & I are awaiting the preadoptive placement of an 12-y-o girl from Florida. She has had TPR since early 2002 (!) & a disruption last year. We were told that we'd have her with us at the end of May, then June, & now who knows when? Apparently Florida signed off on all the paperwork, sent it through ICPC to Pennsylvania (our state), but to the wrong agency! Rather than following up, the PA agency returned the papers to ICPC. Now OUR agency had to resend all the paperwork to ICPC, who then will send to Florida. This is absolutely RIDICULOUS - our daughter languishes in a group home where they do absolutely NOTHING to help the kids while we wait helplessly. We've emailed everyone possible, spoken with agencies and attorneys and not one claims to be able to assist us!

[vernellinnj]

Michele81 - How frustrating. I pray everything resolves itself quickly.

Lamaena - How does the CW and GAL know it will be at least 2 years?

[Lamaena]

Originally Posted by vernellinnj

Lamaena - How does the CW and GAL know it will be at least 2 years?

First let me clarify that when I say two years I mean two years from the time our fd came into our care (our two year timeline 'expires' December of 2008). Their timeline is really based on mom's pending release date and the fact that once she is released she will be given first 6 months to find employment and a place to live and then another 6 months to show she's kept stable employment and residence in addition to passing her drug screenings. Thus far the official date bmom is supposed to be released at this point is really March of 2008, but our fd's bmom says that good time will have her out by this October. During his last HV the GAL did say that we are lucky enough to have a Judge that does not put up with any bull and that if it's obvious the bmom is not working her plan they could move towards tpr once the mom has been given some time to work her plan out of prison. I fear that if they moved towards TPR I would then have to deal with our fd's aunt, regardless of whether or not she hasn't and probably won't make any real effort to get custody of this child prior to that; the aunt has made some empty threats and never follows through with anything. I believe and have copies of online conversations and e-mails I've had with our fd's aunt in which she makes statements such as “it will be easier for me that D come to live with us when she is older” and “I am just letting the baby stay in the system so that my sister has something to work for, but she will not be getting these boys, she'd have to fight me tooth and nail for them” while also saying that “D belongs here with her family” My thing is, how can she even proof that she has this child's best interest at heart when she doesn't care about the psychological impact it would have on her niece/our fd to be in the care of the only family she knows to be ripped away and placed in an environment she does not recognize. If any of you have any words of wisdom regarding my case I would be grateful if you'd share. It is obvious that all fparents have dealt with living in limbo while awaiting the courts decision; it's hard not to feel stressed when we are waiting for someone to decide how the children in our care will be reared and the possibilities of neglect and abuse at the hands of their bio-families. In my case, while I know that I am my fd's FOSTER-mom, I am also the only mom she's ever known, and considering the probability of handing this little girl over to a woman that is unsure as to whether or not she'll be able to beat her addiction is a really hard concept. I just really wake up everyday fighting with my mind not to think about all the “what ifs.”

[tlmerrie]

It's sounds like the aunt just wants to mouth off.

In addition to saving those online things, we found out that in our state we could record phone calls.

Amy

[madfostermomma]

We have two sets of siblings we aretrying to adopt. Set A came to us in November 05 after being with another family for 15 months. The TPR happened in Nov 06 but bio mom has appealed - so now we wait- law guardian is saying late fall before we get appeal settled.

Set 2 came in july 06- permamcey hearing was last month and goal was changed to TPR and adoption by us- we'll see how long this one goes on.

[straightblues]

Placement June 2005 - children had already been in foster care for 14 months.

TPR August 2006 - 28 months in foster care

Appeals - Appeals - Appeals

Finalization July 2007 - appeals to finalization 11 months.

I was promissed by the social workers that we would have the children adopted within 6 months. My bio parents had lost 5 other children, had long criminal records (current including drugs, violence and protitution), and were living with a child ponographer. Even with all of these strikes against them, they were given 28 months to get their stuff together.