[Jenkay]

OMG Mommy2None I'm so excited for you that is awesome!! 7 hours away wow, so will ya'll get any visitation before bringing him home? You need to change your name cause your a mommy now!!! Congrats keep us in the loop!

[Canadamom92]

I hope you don't mind me jumping in here - I just found this forum yesterday. I've been posting in the infant private adoption section, but we're working on adopting from the public system.
Mommy2None - congrats! That's exciting news So C is the 2 year old you were waiting to hear about? When do you get to meet him?

As for us, we're going to an adoption day in two weeks, and I'm determined this time we'll find our child(ren). I'm getting impatient, and I'm worried that if things take much longer that dh will give up on adoption entirely. Our profile is done and ready for photocopying (that is, if I can stop making little changes here and there ).

Last week we inquired about 2 situations on the photolisting site in our area, but haven't heard back yet. I'm assuming the workers will present the children's profiles at the adoption day so that they'll have more prospective parents to choose from.

I'm glad I've found all of you (serves me right for never scrolling to the bottom of the screen)!

[Mommy2NoneHopefully1]

Yes he was the one we were hoping for. The broadcast was actually from May, when TPR happened. We are still waiting for his file to be de-identified. They told us that can take up to 6 weeks. That it may be 3-4 months before he comes up. I am not very pleased about my son spending another holiday season sitting in limbo at a foster home. Especially when we are ready now! We are told it may be 2 weekends of visits & the 2nd weekend will be a sat, sun & mon we will come home & his case worker will follow us back to Houston to view our home. To you guys who have done straight adopt does this seam normal or realistic?

[sergekel]

Oh, I'm getting so impatient with all of the waiting!

Congrats to Mommy2 none, btw, I'm excited for you!

Ugh...agency says I have to wait till the end of Oct to see if we have been chosen for sib. set of 2. We've been waiting since the first week of Sept. to find out.

I know it's not the end of Oct. yet but I am like, "Hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" How %$#$ long does it take to sit down, read a few homestudies and pick the best match????

*grimace* I almost wish the'd just call and say we were NOT chosen. I am so not good at suspense.

[HappyHopefulMommy]

Kelli - I know what you mean. While we were waiting, there was a sib set of 3 thast we waited 3 months to hear that we were not chosen. It was so frustrating. Our homestudy went out like 15 times and most of the time it took a couple of weeks (at least) before we knew if we were chosen. When we actually were chosen, our worker had not told us out homestudy went out. So one day we just got a call that we were getting 3 kids. We were on vacation, so as soon as we got back we went to disclosure and less than 1 week later we had them. Good luck - hang in there and know it will happen.

mommy2 none - we are doing fost to adopt, but I wish I had an answer for you. It seems like every state is different though, can't wait for you to have your little one home. It makes no sense to me though, that a family is picked and then in takes months to get the child. AHHHHHH!

[605orange]

Our RAS was beginning of May. It took until the middle to know that we were picked. We FINALLY got to read the record and then set up a meeting with the foster parents. Met them 6/15. Signed permanent placement papers on 6/30. (About two months start to finish.)

I am totally with you about your new kiddo spending another holiday in foster care. I will never understand why CPS can't de-indentify the record as soon as TPR occurs. WHY SHOULD IT TAKE 3 -4 WEEKS TO GET THE RECORD!!!

Good luck to you on your journey, Mommy to None - Hopefully 1. I know that your workers will do their best to take care of everything that is within their power.

[Jenkay]

Mommy I'm still so excited about your match! We are with the same agency as you are so I can tell you that the time frame is the same thing as we went through. We sent an inquiry in May for R and didn't find out we were a match until mid June. Frustration!! The de-identifying the file was so frustrating! And when we finally got the full file it had not been de-identified at all!! We finally had our first meet with R on Friday and a full day on Sunday. We will have her to our home for a weekend visit next weekend and then decide when final placement will take place. I had to get real pushy at the end to get this thing rolling so don't be afraid to call every 3 or 4 days to push. As for the file I dont think there is much you can do to get the cps to get the file done but after that stay on them. Poor Bevin and Claire I was emailing and calling constantly but they were wonderful about it. Hang in there and I'm here for you anytime.

I need some help from some of you going through this all of this like we are. I was so excited about the placement and we've been waiting for so long that I'm a little confused by my reactions to R. I'm very freaked out about the placement. She's a great kid and she gels with our family very well but I'm really having a hard time with everything that is going on. I don't think it means I don't want her but I'm so very stressed and scared and freaked out. Has anyone else been through this? I want to be excited and ready but I can't stop being just panicked and overwhelmed about the whole thing. What is wrong with me?? Any advise will be greatly appriciated!!!

[HappyHopefulMommy]

jenkay - I do not think anything is "wrong" with you. Adding a child(ren) to out homes is a scary thing. I was SO excited to finally get "the" phone call. It happened real fast and I did not have much time to stress about it. But once we had them, I was like, "what are we doing?" It just takes time to adjust and build the realtionship. hang in there.

[JeannineW]

jenkay - definitely normal. When we met our daughter in Guatemala, she was already legally our daughter. It was so weird. I had no bond with her. I'd never met her but she was completely and forever mine. The feelings come as you do the things a mother does, as you get to know them.

I remember about 2 years ago (more than 2 years after she joined our family) she had been sobbing uncontrollably about missing her birthmom. She was 2yo when she was relinquished. She was on my lap and I looked into her eyes and I started to cry with her. It was probably the first real intense heart to heart moment we had.

I think you connect with all kids at different speeds due to a lot of factors. I know it was hard to connect with our dd at 2 yo. There is a reason kids are born as babies and you fall madly in love with them BEFORE they become toddlers! Toddlers can be hard to love.

Even with my bio boy. I had a m/c before him and then had problems early in my pg with him. I was pretty detached from the hard won pg (IVF) until I knew "it" was a boy. That made all the difference. Suddenly, I was buying boy clothes and thinking of names.

Hang in there. It's all normal.

[sergekel]

Maybe a silly question...

What is de-identifying a file? My best guess is that they go through the child's file and white-out any info that might identify the bio-parents before you get to read the file and accept the child as an adoptive placement. Is that it??

If so...how long does this procedure take??

Dag-gum. This stuff sure does drag out, doesn't it. No one seems in a very big hurry to get these kids into safe, permanent homes to me. I guess there is a lot to it that I can't see from my end or something.

Craziness, if you ask me!

[Wheresmyboys]

Well here we sit being matched a month ago for a sibling set of 2 and of course NO FILE YET! This is to the point of insanity by this system..How hard can it be to deidentify a file... a 5th grader could probably do. I thought money was released several years ago to hire case aids to do this type of mundane task....


Everyday my DH ask "guess there is no file yet?"
I am like everyone else here afraid that these two boys will spend another Christmas in the fostercare system when their family is past being ready to bring them home.

I may have to go on another phone call and letter writing campaign to see if I can get this thing moving! The holidays is the perfect time to make the childrens placement ...being midterm at schools and having a coupla weeks off for Christmas. This would offer some adjustment to the the children before starting a new school.

OH WELL......I continue to Hurry up and wait

[sergekel]

So, you've been matched with the boys....have you met them yet?? What is the file...all the info they have on them? So, is this for you to decide if you definately want them?

Sorry, trying to figure out how this works. So....even if/when we get the call saying we have been matched, it can still be months before we get to meet them or even read the file/get to know anything abuot them??????

This is amazing!

[Wheresmyboys]

NOPE Havent met them yet but they sound perfect for our family! I did get pictures about 5 days after the match and they are so handsome. The deidentified file is their history of everything since they have been in foster care.

After we read the files then we can ask any questions that we may have and then we can begin visits, if we decide to proceed. But from what our CW told us about the boys there is nothing we can see that would stop us from proceeding.

We are clear across the state of TX from us so we will see how the visits and placement will work Im sure there will be another hold up by CPS or since we are getting into the winter season possibly the weather I dont know ??? Im just ready to meet and bring them home

[Jenkay]

Thanks for all of the assurance it really helps. It's all so new and these feelings are so unexpected.

Our file took almost 3 months to get to us! And when we got it, it had not been de-identified!! After that it took 4 weeks to get to first visit. After all of this we find out from the foster mom that CPS told R about us 4 months ago and the poor child has been waiting for us! So not only did they get her all worried, the underminded our relationship with her before it started and lastly they took away our choice. How could we back out if she already knew about us. When this is all done i am going to write letters of complaint to everyone I can find! These poor kids its just not fair!

[sergekel]

Wow, where's my boys...I really hope you get to meet the boys very soon!

Jenkay, hope it all works out with R. Have YOU met her yet??

In my case...the kids have not been TPR'd yet. They had a court date a week after I was called to see if I wanted them...they expected the kids' bios to surrender at the court date.

Welll, they were a no-show. So, when I spoke to the CW, she said the county still wanted to move the boys out of their foster home, cause that is foster only...into a pre-adoptive home asap so they can file for TPR, around Dec/Jan.

She said if we were chosen, we'd just foster them first and change to adoption when the time came.

So I dont' know if that might lessen my wait as far as waiting to meet them, etc..after being officially matched? I guess I just won't get disclosure until they are freed for adoption, is that right?

Well, at least fostering them first, I would get to know them personally, which will probably be more useful than the stuff in their records, anyway.

We'll see! 9 days till the end of the month and holding my breath!