[Barksum]

Getting to talk with someone who understands can be a big relief. I remember how trying it was while we were sending out homestudies and hoping for some response...ANY response at all! Then how exciting it was when we began to have cw's who were interested in our family for children on their caseload. (And then came all the nitty gritty decisions...LOL!)

Hope you hear something as soon as the cw gets back from vacation!

[MomofFaith]

We are still waiting for the baby's SW to come back from vacation to here what happened in court. We thought that she was coming back today, but I guess she won't be in until tomorrow. My Hubby and I are anxious to know whether or not we can take baby home with us this week. We have already went baby shopping and bought all the necessities, now we just need our baby. Hopefully we will hear from her tomorrow. This waiting is torture!!!!!

[rsbg]

I'm on pins and needles over here, I can only IMAGINE what you are feeling! I hope you hear something SOOOOOON!

[MomofFaith]

Update: Heard from the baby's SW. Court date has been continued until Aug 7th. Bio Aunt and Uncle showed up and alleged father did not show up. They will be doing an assessment on the Aunt and Uncle and judge will decide whether services will be given to the bio mom (who is in jail) on Aug 7th. I am frustrated ! How on earth can they even think of giving the Aunt and Uncle an opportunity when they are the ones who let baby go with alleged father and when he never returned they did nothing about it. Alleged father then left baby in shopping cart at Walmart while he slept inside McDonalds strung out!!!! County would not let baby go back to Aunt and Uncle and alleged father is in jail for child endangerment. I don't understand this system. In CA they say that the courts are for the what is best for the children but I don't think that is always the case and the children are the ones who suffer.
I am still praying for this little guy and hoping.

[shy_bear]

We talked with cw today. Bmom has agreed to go to court this Friday and tell the judge she wants to relinquish. She then is required to attend a minimum of one counseling session before she can sign over her rights. We are holding our breath that this will continue to go so smoothly!!!!!!

[rsbg]

Prayers being said for both of you ladies!

[2BoyMama]

Hi All,

Just back from a roadtrip to ME, and am happy to see all the good news. Momoffaith, I am thinking of you. This must seem like a real rollercoaster. I hope that little guy's team thinks about his best long term options, and I hope you get to kiss those chubby cheeks. Shybear, I've been following your story too, hope that mom's relinquishment goes smoothly. RSBG, what exciting news I read on the waiting to be matched thread. One in 9 is pretty good in my book. Hope it's one in three and then one quickly. When will you hear?

We continue to WAIT here. It is really bothering me today. We started this process in January, which isn't so long ago, but on some days, feels like forever. On days like this I want to jump back into the domestic infant pool, because we all know that is so much faster

Thanks for helping pass the time by sharing your news, ladies.

[rsbg]

Thank you! I forget what I post on what thread most of the time! The CW said she didn't know when the staffing would be, so I dunno.... I hope soon, that girl has been waiting toooooooo long!

[kayb]

sounds like some exciting updates, I'll be checking in to see what's new on our own little soap operas.

Don't you wish, every decision or return callbacks had to be made in 48 hours - including court, instead of waiting, wondering....

Momoffaith, don't get to frustrated with the aunt and uncle thing - probably just a formality to eliminate them.

baby (toddler, preschooler or other applies too) dust to everyone.

If our state sw goes any slower on our homestudy I'm going to scream........censored...... - okay now i feel better! It's been 8 months with the county and no phonecalls for a FA situation....

kay

[Jenkay]

I've been gone a while and its great and frustrating reading all of your updates. Unfortunately our update is frustrating. We were presented for a 5 yr old little girl two weeks ago and we found out Tuesday that we were not selected. Sometimes i wonder if the fact that we live so far out of any major city makes a difference. Well we will just keep waiting and hoping that our time comes soon.

[shy_bear]

I had posted that things were going so well, then they changed as of yesterday. Relatives have stepped up and the lawyers are looking at all the safe haven laws to see if there is an out; bmom is VERY against any of her relatives having him.

If he leaves we are done. We have been through the ringer and I can't do it anymore. We waited with the first county for 6 months then switched to this county, waited six months after two situations we were not chosen for and one we turned down to get this sweet baby boy who was the answer to all our hoping and praying. I don't have the energy to continue on with this; this is the final sign that we are not meant to have anymore kids.

I hope things work out of r all of you and you are able to get your placements and finalize!!!!! Good luck!

[lambeausam]

shy_bear - has the mom already signed relinquishment papers? If not, she can sign a specific consent that relinquishes her rights to only the person specified. Something to check into.

Good luck!

Sam

[MomofFaith]

Shy_Bear I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I totally agree with the above post. Has the Bio mom relinquished her rights? If she doesn't want any bio family to get the baby then all she has to do is sign her rights to you. Is there a way to talk to her about that?

[Untbunny]

For two months I have felt so alone and hurt as a result of my foster/adoption situation. I suddenly feel as though there are others (women) who may understand the pain. If you will allow me to summarize the experience. DH and I decided to foster/adopt during 2006 after 18 years of marriage. Our decision not to have bio children primarily due to my childhood trauma and abuse. We began and completed DSS classes July 2006, completed homestudy in Nov 2006, and received approval for three child sibling group Feb 15, 2007. That was a happy day! Oh, how I crave to have that feeling again!

Beginning March 2007 I contacted SW once every two weeks. Never pressured her only providing a gentle reminder that DH and I remained interested and did not want her to forget we were waiting. After sitting my the phone (don't we all know what that is like) for two months, DH and I took a trip out of state. On the first full day of the trip we received the call. We had been matched with a sibling group of three girls and scheduled the presentation meeting for the following week. Presentation went well. We asked tons of questions and felt very good about meeting the girls. Looking back, DH and I recognize two red flags. First, when we asked SW what qualities we possess as a couple had led DSS to choose us for the group the response was-because you are willing to accept the traits the girls possess. Okay-that took us back at the time but we were so excited.... The second flag, the SW stated that she would like to talk to our counselors (me-childhood trauma, DH-social anxiety) and get their impressions on proceeding with the group. We met the girls that Sunday-Mother's Day of all things Everything was smooth as silk. We called the SW on Monday and reported via voice mail all went well and asked when we could see girls again. Imagine the horror and pain we experienced on Wednesday when the SW called DH (why him? They had always called me at home) and told us not to visit with the girls that my counselor had reservations in discussing my treatment with DSS! WHAT!? Then SW asked us to meet with her eleven days later.
On the eleventh day, DH and I entered DSS with sunken hearts knowning that something was wrong. The first words out of SW mouth-we have decided to not pursue placement at this time. We have great concerns that something is being withheld by wife (me) and that she may have a possible psychosis. Alright, I told myself, this is a bad dream. Where did this concern come from? Nothing in my background would suggest any problem. I had just consulted with my counselor and she was exstatic. Something just didn't feel right. I was crushed, DH was crushed. We were both so confused. SW stated that we had been moved from adopting/approved to adopting/pending status. Furthermore, the only way they would consider us again was if I went through psychological testing and had every professional that I had talked to in last three years write a letter clearing both DH and myself as parents. When DH asked what exactly had sparked this concern, SW replied that release of information form that my counselor had stated "professional reference". From this SW assumed that I wanted to hide something. Nothing could be further from the truth. Fortunately, I recorded the entire meeting and have it saved for future reference.
It took six weeks to secure appointments with all necessary people and for them to produce that requested letters. Oh, did I mention $1,200 invested? Remember-we were approved in Feb and this is three months later.

So, what happened? The "professional reference" mentioned by counselor was written and submitted by DSS and not me. DH and I submitted copy of document and their reply-we don't know who wrote that. My counselor has called SW and adoption supervisor four times each with no response. Between May and July-DH and I have made one telephone call to DSS requesting a meeting to discuss submitted recommendations/documentation on our behalf. We met with SW and adoption supervisor and were told that DSS would like us to have another homestudy completed. No problem, we readily invite the investigator. She will not be able to visit until August 2007. My psychological test was "steller" in its results and indicate no problem.

To add insult to injury, during the week of July 4th, I received (not DH but me specifically) TWO telephone calls from the director of the local DSS office stating that I was being "absessive" with calling her office and that this fact did not set well with her. Huh?! I told her that I was shocked that she thought that and asked when I displayed obsessive behavior. Reply- the entire five months we had been approved. She stated that it was not necessary for me to leave two voice mails in three days requesting my homestudy submitted to another state for consideration. Furthermore, the second telephone call the same person stated that while she was not suggesting that I had an obsessive personality only that I was obsessing about the adoption. Alright, I admit that after twenty years in corporate life I have been "trained" to confront situations in a straightforward manner and resolve issues quickly. Where did this obsessing appear from? Yes, I have checked my telephone records and calls have not been made other than those I detailed above.

Boy, I feel better just writing this down. My physician, counselor, psychologist who conducted testing, family and friends suggest that I ticked someone off at DSS by expecting them to explain this brew-ha-ha. Thank you all so much for reading. I know your time is valuable.

[Barksum]

Jenkay, we live WAY out of town. WAY-way out. The major metropolis in our state is 5 hours away and very few who live over there (namely cw's!) even know where we live or the time it takes to get here from there. They think we are hicks in the sticks. Wait...we are!

Regardless of how they viewed us, we did adopt 2 children from metropolitan areas. (separate adoptions) They are wonderful children whom I can't imagine not having in our family. (Even when the screaming and bickering begins!) Both have identified special needs, and were placed with our family even knowing where we live. All the cw's who come to our house rave about how wonderful living in the country is for kids...especially those with special needs. So...don't get discouraged.

Additionally, from the time of our first homestudy until our first adoptive match was 12 months. We were considered for 4 other children before being matched with our oldest Ds. The second time we adopted we were matched with the first child for whom we were considered...after several months of sending out homestudies and hoping for SOME response from some cw somewhere. Our third adoption was a bit more lengthy; we withdrew from consideration for two separate children due to the death of my mother and other family circumstances. After waiting several months we started sending out homestudies again and after almost 8 months were selected by the second committee to consider us. Our fourth adoption was a relative (kinship) placement, which is different in many ways so I don't consider that the same as when we were adopting a waiting child.

One note: we purposefully did not pursue children with a higher level of medical need due to the distance from a major medical facility, but our kids' special needs are drug and alcohol related, so the need for major med services is not a weekly or month issue.