[ouska]

Hi, Dh and I were matched this week to two boys. Ages 3 and 4. Dh is a teacher and around small kids all the time. I on the other hand have little experiance. What I would like to know is it normal to feel scared? Scared that you will make a mistake. Scared that you won't know what to do. Scared that you won't be a good mom.

[Mkuhlmann06]

It is quite normal to be scared.... whether you're becoming a mommy to a 3yr old or a brand new infant, its very normal to go through the cycle of feelings... anxious, excited, frustrated, scared, happy, etc.

Wish you lots of luck!!!!!!

[Guitarmom]

Very normal. In fact, I have 4 bio kids,and I'm very scared about bringing a child into our home that I havent' known since birth.
My biggest fear isn't if I'll be a good mom, but if the child will like me/us -and want to join our family forever!

[Boulderbabe]

Hon, it is perfectly normal to be afraid. And you WILL make mistakes, and sometimes you WON'T know what to do. And you won't be a good mom every minute of every day.

And that will make you like every other mom on planet earth.

IMHO, the secret to being a good parent isn't being perfect every minute of every day. It's building a foundation of love and trust in your family that makes it possible for everyone to withstand those mistakes. If you're handling things 85% of the time, and you make some small mistakes (obviously, not big ones like abuse, but normal ones), then you and the kids will be just fine.

Good luck!

[vegaschristina]

I think I'd be more concerned for you if you weren't scared at least a little

My first fd was 32 days old when I brought her home and I'd never been a mom before. I promise you, I spent literally HOURS on the phone with my mom the first week asking so many questions. When I first got home with her, I was so amazed that they actually let me bring her home when I had no experience as a mom. Didn't they know I didn't have a clue what to do with her?

There's a book that my DH and I got & read every month that was a wonderful help. What to Expect During The First Year is amazing and will help with any infant questions you may have. Right now I'm reading What to Expect During the Toddler Years so I can learn how to deal better with some of the toddler issues we're facing.

[zebramom]

Being scared is absolutly normal. You'd be scared with a new infant in the house, so how is this different?

Accept that you will make mistakes, all parents do.

[loomistunes]

It is very NORMAL to be scared... This is the most IMPORTANT and best JOB you will ever have... So it is NORMAL to be scared and anxious...Good Luck to you...Please keep us updated,, Hope things go GREAT!!! Jen

[ouska]

Thank you all for you replies.

[Sunshinemom]

Congratulations to both of you!

Having just had our son placed in our home over the weekend I know what you are going through. I was so nervous and I have three little boys already! He's two and I've been so nervous about how he will fit in with our family. So far so good for us!

One bit of advice. Don't have too high expectations as to how they will "accept" you. It might take them a bit of time to warm up to you so don't be too worried or disappointed if they need a bit of time.

[WhoKnew]

Congratulations to Ouska and Sunshinemom!

Don't forget that there is often 'honeymoon' when the child is on his best behavior. Then within a couple of weeks or months you start to see behavior issues that stem from his emotional/attachment issues.

Everyone is right in saying it is very normal to be scared. And a lot of us put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect parents - which of course, we can't be. I try to remember how much better off dd is now, despite our imperfections, than she was with her birth family.

The things I recommend are to read up on attachment (Parenting the Hurt Child, Attaching in Adoption, etc.) and line up lots of support from friends and family. When things start to get challenging, try to get some time to youself. If you feel overwhelmed, attand a support group. You will be relieved that everyone else has gone through or is going through what you are!

Best of luck to you both.

[vernellinnj]

I, too, was very scared as I had no experience parenting a child. Be patient with your self and the child. You will figure it out together.

I also remember what I heard from another FP - "This is exciting time for you, but a scary and sad time for the child".

Good luck!

[wife2grumpy]

absolutely normal.. My bio daughter graduated this past June.. Now I have a 17 month old fs, and I am always calling my "younger" friends that have little ones asking questions..

[Barksum]

I felt this way with ALL of our kids! When they turned us lose from the hospital after I had our one and only bio child I thought, 'That's it? They don't want me to take a test or ANYTHING?! What kind of people ARE they??' We had to have a wheelchair and a nurse escort to leave, but they didn't care if we knew how to diaper the baby or not! Talk about scary!

Then when we adopted our first (and 2nd, and 3rd, and 4th!) child I was just as scared and unsure. This happened with our foster kids, too.Was this the right thing? Would I do a Good Job? What if _________? (you fill in the blank, I covered it all!) The night before we finally met our 4th child (3rd adoption) I was physically ill from nerves. Go figure.

Parents who love their children (even before they meet them) will always be a bit unsure and uncertain along the way, especially at the beginning of the relationship, whether they are born to you, come as infants or toddlers, as 7 year olds or as teenagers.

Congratulations and enjoy the road ahead.