[wanttobeamom4ever]

My DH and I have been foster/adopt parents for 1 year and 10 months. During this time period we have had 10 children placed in our home. We were told with each placement that it would be likely that we would get to adopt the children, but that hasn't happened yet. We feel like we are only being told something so that we will agree to take the children into our home. There have been many times over the past year that we have wondered what we are doing... is this really right for us? We have a very strong support system in our family but sometimes I find my self getting frustrated when people say cliche things like, "good things come to those who wait" etc... I don't feel like anyone really knows what this is like until you go through it. Our longest placement was a 2 year old boy and 3 year old girl sibling group that we had for 13 months. Everything was going smoothly with them and then in the 11th hour, the judge agreed to give the dad a fourth chance. I just don't understand the legal system.

Things seem to be moving in a more positive direction at this point though. We picked up a baby boy at the hospital in February of this year. He was 3 1/2 weeks when we got him and only weighed four pounds. We were so scared but knew that we could handle it. His birth mother had left him at the hospital. When he was five months old she resurfaced and was given a case plan. She has been in and out of rehab for the past 5 months and still doesn't know what she wants. We go to court next week and from what we are being told the judge is going to give her a TPR advisory. Is that like a final warning? This whole thing has been a roller coaster. All we want is to wake up one day and know that the child that is in our home is never going to be taken away from us. Is it supposed to take this long to be matched with a child that we can adopt? Any suggestions or stories of encouragement are greatly appreciated.

[Mominalberta]

It is a hard process and I can totally understand. I know here that are getting away from foster to adopt because of the risks involved. I think that if people go this way, you have to remember they may leave. With fostering the goverment wants to return them home . May be hard because of situations. Can you ask for a child that is most likely going to go pgo. May take a little longer.

[wanttobeamom4ever]

7 of the 10 children that have been placed with us have had the goal of TPR/adoption in their case plan, but in each situation a relative has come forward at the last minute. I know that we need to have patience, but we just wonder how patient.

[milasmommy]

I could not believe that you have had so many placements. About a year and a half ago I called social services and told them I wanted to adopt, and be a foster parent. They told me they work with an agency downtown, and gave me the contact info. I thought this was the way it was done. It took this private agency over a year to complete my home study. Now I am certified (about 3 months now) and no placements. I have inquired about some special needs chidlren who need a family, but their workers never contact me back, or the child is chosen for another family. I am thinking it is probably because I am single. I am so discouraged. I told my agency I would be willing to foster any child age 0-5, no matter their race, special needs, etc. and not a single call about foster children. As for adoption, sometimes my case worker calls me about older children, maybe about 3 times, but I really want my daughter to be the oldest child (she is 6-years-old). And I am only 28, so I would like to parent younger children for now. i thought there were tons of kids coming in and out of the system who needed loving homes, and I started thinking if they don't think I'm right, why did they approve me? And if that's not what it is, what IS it! But now I am finding out that my agency is private, and they only get the kids NO ONE wants, all the other kids are placed through social services. Where does this leave me? I am starting to think I will never get the call, never foster or adopt. I am so discouraged, so tired of waiting, so tired of empty promises. And all I want is to be a mother, to help kids heal, to do what comes naturally to me.
reading your post scares me even more. If you have had 10 kids, and nothing permanent, what can I expect? Not much, I'm afraid.
Sorry this is in no way incouraging. I really do hope the very best for you!

[wanttobeamom4ever]

We also became licensed with a private agency in the beginning. Once you are an approved foster/adopt home it is very easy to change agencies. That is what we did and have been very happy since then. I am not sure what state you are writing from, but here in Florida I know SEVERAL single parents that are foster parents. I think that probably the agency that you are working with may not be the best agency for you. Hang in there!

[fostermomintx]

milasmommy,

I'm single and adopted one of my foster sons (he will be 4 in January). It took almost 2 years from start to finish with him. I've had 8 kids total (been fostering for 2.5 years). Most of my kids have been with me for several months and most went to relatives.

I'm with the State of Texas CPS and have had so many calls because my area is in desperate need of foster homes. My age range is 0-5. You might consider changing agencies and see if there is one that will help you get placements, I'm sure they need people like you.

Hang in there!

[milasmommy]

Thank you very much for responding to my post. It is nice to hear abotu others' experiences. I do have another question......don't you think it will look bad if I change agencies? I mean, maybe another agency will just think I am impatient, or a nagging parent, or have no loyalty. I feel like I should have loyalty towards this agency, and worried it would give me a bad name just to switch over to another agency. You think I should be working with a public agency instead? Thanks so much!

Mel

[momof6plus]

I would say that if you changed to a public agency you will have a better chance but I don't know a lot about private agencies. In Ia there is a shortage of foster families and I have been told even shorter supply of foster to adopt families. The private agency that I know of here works with DHS together on placing kids. I think in the Midwest there may be more kids than other areas because of the meth problems we have had here. I know it is getting better though.
I was told "off the record" that if you want to adopt an infant that you should spread the word among providers and cw that you have worked with. If they like you they will send them your way. I know that sounds bad but that is what I was told. Here when there is a child that needs placed the workers just look at the list and start calling from the top. All they know is how many beds you have available and nothing else about you. So if you "know" them and have put a bug in their ear they may remember and call you first.? Good Luck and hang in there, we have all had our days that we want to run away from the system but it seems that most of us are better after we vent and find that others are in our shoes too. We are doing this for the kids so we come back.