[twinspirit]

[CENTER]We have previously adopted twin boys, and now inprocess of adopting their brother. In July, we were matched with our first 'foster-to-adopt' baby girl, just 2 weeks old. We were informed she was a high legal risk as there was an aunt and grandma interested. Within a couple short weeks, we were told that they were inapporpriate and therefore not suitable.

At the 2 month mark, we were told that things were looking very good for us and baby! We stupidly became excited. At the end of September, the aunt gave the name of her cousin, who is engaged and recently found out she is infertily, to the SW. For the longest time, the cousin would not return phone calls to SW.

After a PGO meeting, the aunt then contacted cousin again and told she'd better call ASAP! The Aunt has also been minimizing the health issues, which are many including fetal alcohol, born addicted to meth and cocaine, HIV exposed, and HEP C posistive. The cousin had been dragging her heels about all the issues and pressure form the aunt.

The SW told aunt to back off, and NOW, the cousin is NOT so reluctant, and NOW has agreed to do homestudy. AND because she is BLOOD, FAMILY, they get to take baby for outings when they come into town and "spoil her and take her shopping" to quote the SW.

WE weren't even allowed to see a PICTURE of our boys until all paperwork and approval and meetings with healthcare professionals were completed! OF COURSE they will fall in love with her! WE love her!

We feel totally dejected! We don't think the motivation is pure and focused on THIS baby girl! It seems like they have figured out a VERY quick fix to her newly diagnosed fertility problems, and has been pressured by the aunt. This sucks!

Yes, we knew the legal risks involved, yes fertility is an acceptable reason for adoption, yes, we understand the mandate that BLOOD FAMILY is always the way they will place child whenever possible. But that does NOT mean we have to agree with the mandate that it HAS to be that way 100% of the time.

Bottom line, we are loosing her. There is nothing legally we can do. We can't stop it, but we all love her so much! She's an amazing baby! So strong to overcome her challenges thus far! We have to put on a brave face for the WHOLE family, not just our children and for each other. Where do we cry? How do we get the support WE need when we need to support everyone else? Will anyone notice our smiles are hiding our pain to make things easier for everyone else?

Adding insult to injury, because we have just transitioned with the twins sibling, we will not be matched again with another girl, whatever age, until 9-12 months.

We are well aware we will need a grieving period, and we certainly do NOT want to just "Replace" her with another, but still.

We obviously needed a place such as this to vent and get support to help us get thru this. Is anyone willing their experience to try and help us be strong?

Thank you from Canada![/center]

[bajj]

I am sorry you are going through this.

[foster_bub]

Hi, I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Time and time again I preach that it's never in the best interest of the child to be placed with a blood relative simply because of genetics. It's wrong and heartbreaking.

If you haven't done so, get a guardian ad litem involved ASAP. Also your caseworker should be petitioning the court against the move. The child obviously has a bond to you and your family, it makes NO sense at all to move them at this point in time just to 'fix' an infertility problem.

My wife and I will be in your shoes in a few months. I've never been an overly religious person, but I'm hoping God helps you and your family, and in time my family too.

[sky1]

Hi. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am going through a very similar situation right now with my 3 month old FD. Her uncle has filed a petition for custody. Due to his previous legal issues, custody is opposed by CPS and GAL, but they are still telling me not to get my hopes up, because you never know what the courts will do. I hope things will work out for you and your FD - I will keep you in my thoughts...

[bumpkin]

I too am sorry for your pain and pending loss. I know how much it hurts to parent and mother a child that you believe will remain with you forever, only to find out differently. Just remember, it's not over till it's over. The medical issues may still make the cousin skeptical . IF not, that you can take a some comfort in the fact that you have given this baby girl a great start and have shown her how to love. Very important indeed.

I know it's small consolation at this time though... I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.