[Jeanie1]

I'd love to hear from some of you who have transitioned older children from a loving foster home where they are dearly loved and attached, to an adoptive home. The kids are 5 and 6 and know very little about adoption or what it means. They do not remember their BP and could be considered emotionally fragile. They were severly neglected and that has resulted in some challenging trust issues many of which have been overcome in the foster home. Will they regress completely when they move in or will some of the work the FP have done "stick"? Any personal stories in this area would be greatly appreciated.

[mrsred]

Our adopted son was almost four when he was removed from his birthmom. He suffered from serious neglect from his mother, and physical abuse at the hands of his grandparents. Other than the first couple weeks when he was in a receiving home, he was only in one foster home before us. He was there for 18 months, which to a neglected 4-5 yr old is a very long time. He loved his mama J, and they loved him. although they have done foster work for over 15 years E really stole their hearts like noone ever had before or will again. When he went into care he was a very sick little boy. Mama J had to nurse him back to health, through a tonsilectomy, adnoidectomy, tubes in ears, and healing infected chicken pox scabs. Mama J would have liked to adopt him herself, but Papa D said no, due to their age and his health.
However, he bonded to us quite well. He learned how to love and be loved while he was in his foster home. he still had (actually has) a lot of issues with trust and suffers from an anxiety disorder, but he makes gains daily. We did have some problems with the foster mom, seemed almost as if she were sabatoging the placement for awhile, but once she accepted that we were going to be his forever family she was supportive. We have had E withus for two years now, his adoption was finalized a year ago and we still are in contact with foster mom and dad. we have only seen them once, as we are 150 miles apart, but we talk on the phone and email regularly.
The fact that these boys are attached to their foster mom is a [i]good[i] thing! I means they can bond! What a wonderful thing. You will have some rough days, but you will get through it. How long are you planning on transitioning them and what will the transitional period look like? We transitioned E to our home over a 2 1/2 month period. We started with day visits and worked up to weekend visits. He was more than ready to come live with us on a permanent basis.
Good luck with everything and keep us posted!

[Jennifriend]

Hello...I adopted a little boy from foster care last year. He was 4 when we met him and we transitioned him to our home over about 3 months. He was very attached to his foster mom. We did have some issues. Although we tried to explain that we could be his parents and still love his foster mom, he felt very torn. He would be fine when we picked him up, and would seem to be bonding with us, but when we would bring him back he would act very clingy with his foster mom and refuse to say good-bye to us.

It wasn't until he moved into our house that I think he really began to bond with us. It definately wasn't overnight, but it's been a year now and I can honestly say it feels like he's always been here!