[SquirlyGirl]

It has taken us almost 2 years to get our homestudy complete and we just recently attended an adoption picnic in our state where we met a sib group that is almost everything we are looking for.

We have had contact with their CASA, lawyer and adoptions specialist and we are a match. It has taken several weeks and we don't yet have disclosure but we know quite a bit about the kids.

Now I am having some doubts. The oldest has expressed concerns because we don't share the same interests, we share some interests but not the ones that really drive him, namely sports. They are very active, which I expect in boys, and we aren't. Now DH is wondering if we are right for them because he doesn't know if he can be a good dad to them since he is not good at sports and doesn't even watch or go to any games. I realize there are other boy things they can do together like hunting, fishing, and building things, but should we bring them into our family if we know that we aren't as active as they are?

I'm also having doubts because, while I am expecting change, there is going to be more than I had planned for. We have to put them in a different school district than our children which will be difficult because we will have to take them and pick them up from school and the school district we want to put them in is closed so it will add an hour drive time to and from work to get them to a school district that will take them.

Any advise?

[foster_bub]

Hi, if you are having serious reservations then opt out. It would be best for all parties involved. Better to do it now rather than later when some sort of attachement happens and people start getting hurt.

You say the kids are active, well they ARE kids, and that should be expected. If you aren't active then maybe you should re-evaluate adopting. It's a HUGE adjustment, especially if you're happy and content in your daily lives with your children now.

Though I believe it to be normal to doubt yourself when going through this process.

I can assure you that there will never, ever be a child that will have 100% of the same interests that you and your husband share.

Just because your husband doesn't excel in sports doesn't mean he can't attend or participate in the sporting events that these children have. That's just part of parenting. It doesn't mean he's a bad father.

My father wasn't the least bit athletic, but he always encouraged me to play sports and attended my games. That's what makes him a GREAT father.

The school situation can be tricky. I'd plead your case with someone in the school board, and hopefully they'll allow an exception. I can't believe that a school district can not accept new students. I'm not calling you a liar, but what happens if a new family moves in next to you with school aged kids? Would they be required to drive them to and from school? If so I'd make a stink, why bother paying taxes?

In any case, good luck with what you decide in. It's a very tough, it's a huge rollercoaster ride of emotions!

[kennasmom]

I wouldn't throw in the towel because you are doubting yourself. I think doubt comes with the territory. About the sports issue: you will be surprised at how quickly you acquire a taste for a particular sport when your child is the one on the field. ANY adoption will be difficult and take a period of adjustment. You are in a good position in terms of knowing the children before they are placed. I know it's scary - good luck with your decision - you'll make the right one.

[MPJJJ]

I agree with the PP that you'll find yourself really enjoying the games when it's your kid on the field. And you can find new things to enjoy with the boys. Camping, fishing, depending on your climate there might be a whole new group of 'sports' that you can find to do as a family. This might be just what you need to start living a more active lifestyle.

[SquirlyGirl]

About the school thing it is a matter of we live 30 minutes from in a different city/county than the school we want to put the kids into. It is one of the largest growth areas in our state too so they have closed everything but the highschool to new students living outside of thier district. If we moved there, there wouldn't be a problem putting them in that school district.

We are going to go ahead and start the visits and see how it goes. I am not as worried as I was about the sports thing anymore, thanks everyone for your input.

[Withay]

We have to put them in a different school district than our children...

Why do you have to put them in a different district than your kids? Unless I'm missing something it would seem that all the kids in one family would be in the same school district.

[SquirlyGirl]

There are family issues. One of the boys has siblings in the district, and the SW asked if we would put them in another one, which we thought would be easy but school overcrowding has caused the district we want to put the boys in to not accept any out of district kids.