[Tracy740]

Ok, so we were being considered for a beautiful 2 yr old, we all had our hopes up, have spent time with her and then had the rug pulled out. I have cried for a week straight. Maybe I dont have the right to cry for her or to have started to love her as much as I already had because she wasent even mine yet, but it is still really hard. I have decided that god dosent give us anything that we can not handle, so maybe this little girl would have had more than we could have handled. I dont really know. So with a heavy heart we all have to move on.

We are thinking that adopting is still the right choice, it is in my heart to adopt. I have always looked into the Ukraine but it is soooo expensive. Here is my question:

Has anyone adopted through Adoptuskids.org? How does it work? Our family, DH, me and 2 teen DD's have decided that a child no older then 2.5 would work the best, girl, boy dosent matter. What are the chances of finding a child that age through this program? How long does it take? We have most of the paperwork complete, we will have to completly complete the homestudy, the FBI finger prints are already in the works. What are the normal costs for the actual adoption? My husband really wants to check this out before we decide if we should have my tubes untied instead. Thanks in advance for any help you can give!!

[quiescentfury]

Hi Tracy. I have done a lot of looking on adoptuskids in the past year. I don't think I have ever seen a only child 2.5 or younger. I have seen them in sibling groups with older children. I have made inquiries on there, had a homestudy sent twice, but then we were placed with our son through private domestic adoption.


I would try looking at state websites. There are more children on the individual state websites. Are you particular on race? If you are finding a child 2.5 and younger will be even more difficult.

[Tracy740]

We are somewhat particular on the race. First and foremost I AM NOT PREJUDICE, but we could not accept a child that was black, it just would not be fair (in my opinion) to raise a black child in a all white home, maybe I am wrong but for our family it probably would not work. A mixed race child would probably be ok, hispanic, white, pacific and if I could I would accept native american.

I feel guilty even typing what I did, but......................... Sorry if I have offended anyone.

[jaenelle]

Your odds aren't very good, to be honest. I've only seen two kids under 2 in the whole time I've been looking on there -- one came with siblings that were 5 and 12, and the other has significant delays and isn't legally free for adoption. And both of those children are black.


If you're really set on a white child that young, you'd better go either domestic through an agency and prepare for a long wait, or go to one of the Eastern European countries (although I think in a lot of them, it's hard to get a child that young, either).

[DianeScraps]

I would say, from what I have seen, the chances of getting a straight adoption from foster care of a child under 3 are very slim.

I do know of many people that have adopted, children 2 and under, but they were foster to adopt.

[Tracy740]

I kinda thought that may be the case. I was just hoping. The CW supervisor that I have been working with seemed to think that there was a pretty good chance but we would have to be willing to take a sibling group, which we are not opposed to. I have pretty much given up hope on adopting, probably would be easier to try to have another ourselves........... Thanks for the honest opinions.

Tracy

[stevenstwin]

I don't mean to offend you, but I have to ask: You say that you don't think it would be fair to raise an African American child in an all white household. I know other people who feel that way as well, so I can totally respect that. But then you say you'd take a Native American child? How is that any different? I've lived and worked on a Cree reservation for many years, and they feel VERY strongly that their children should be kept in the culture - for that reason it is almost impossible for non-Natives to adopt Native children - the Band will fight any off-reservation adoption to the nth degree. I'm just wondering why you would not take a black child but WOULD take a Native child.

[5starday]

I was thinking the same thing about Native Americans. We almost had that issue with our fd because the bmom claimed to have Cherokee Nation ties. The CN declined any involvement in our fd's case, however.

But, I know that when we were confronted with that issue, we knew if it turned out to be true we would have had to give her up because we are not of Cherokee decent.

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by stevenstwin

I don't mean to offend you, but I have to ask: You say that you don't think it would be fair to raise an African American child in an all white household. I know other people who feel that way as well, so I can totally respect that. But then you say you'd take a Native American child? How is that any different? I've lived and worked on a Cree reservation for many years, and they feel VERY strongly that their children should be kept in the culture - for that reason it is almost impossible for non-Natives to adopt Native children - the Band will fight any off-reservation adoption to the nth degree. I'm just wondering why you would not take a black child but WOULD take a Native child.

I, too, have never understood the willingness to take a child of some races and not others. Don't ALL children need to know about their heritage and be exposed to it as much as possible? Why do biracial children need this exposure less than fully AA children?

[Momoflele&bernie]

Originally Posted by Tracy740

We are somewhat particular on the race. First and foremost I AM NOT PREJUDICE, but we could not accept a child that was black, it just would not be fair (in my opinion) to raise a black child in a all white home, maybe I am wrong but for our family it probably would not work. A mixed race child would probably be ok, hispanic, white, pacific and if I could I would accept native american.

I feel guilty even typing what I did, but......................... Sorry if I have offended anyone.

I think you should of kept that one to yourself....

I dont understand.....Any race that you bring that is not your own is going to be difficult because each race has its own customs and ways of doing things. what make a black child any diffrent from a mixed, hispanic, japanese or any other race. My children are a diffrent race and when i look at them i dont see their race, i see them and i love them. You say its unfair....unfair to whom?

[patti Daniels]

My niece is a caucasion and she gave birth to an African American baby girl. She is beautiful. We love her very much. My brother in-law would say rude things before the baby was born. Now he loves her and would protect her with his life. My niece experienced depression after the birth of her daughter, my great niece. She drove to my house, which is over three hundred miles from her home, a week after she gave birth. I came home from work and she was sitting in my livingroom and crying. The baby was laying on a quilt in the floor. She was sleeping. I asked my niece what was wrong. She said, "Do you think I can't love her because of her color." I picked up the baby and came over to her. I asked her if she ever thought of harming the baby. She shook her head no and reported that she would never do that. I am a nurse so of course I did an assessment to make sure she would not harm the baby. I explained that some mothers experience depression after the birth of a baby and it had nothing to do with the baby's looks. She went to the doctor and is now doing wonderful. She loves her baby. We all love her. I did tell her if you can't love her there is always adoption, but remember me first. She smiled and hugged me and said, " there is no way I could let her go to anyone, but if I did it would be you." Hope this helps.

[Davidsmom17]

Just wanted to address two issues. First of all I adopted my son privately at birth. The entire process took 7 months start to finish and the price in my opinion was reasonable. Two friends of mine also adopted privately. One took 5 months and one took 13 months. So private adoption is not the huge wait people think it is, if you are flexible on race. The nice thing is that my son was legally adopted exactly 6 months after I had him in my home.
Now Tracey, if you can't bring a black child into your home then that is good of you to realize. However, a biracial, hispanic, or any other child who stands out in your family will instantly be recognized as another color, and you will have to deal with all those issues that come with it. Remember that biracial means mixed and although my son is light skinned when he goes out into the world he is recognized and identified as black.
It seems to me that given your concerns with bringing a black child into your home, you would be better off with a completely white child adopted from abroad. Better you realize it now, then make a mistake that could harm a child for life.
Laurie

[Tracy740]

First of all, I have been on vacation so I am just getting back. It seems that I have offended some of you, so for that I am sorry.
I myself have no problem with any nationality of people and especially children, my husband is coming around, and my daughters have been raised to see what the person is like on the outside and not by the color of their skin. Our families on the other hand, is a whole other story. Being prejudice was (my parents have gotten somewhat better) a lifestyle when my parents where raised, and that is something that is hard to get past, especially when you are older and for generations it has been pounded in to their heads. My grandma was part Sioux(her mom 1/2), but to her it was a shame and I can only remeber one time of her talking about it, but my dad has told me stories, and we have some VERY old pictures.

So with that said this is what is on my mind:
I guess I am afraid of how I would answer the questions of why do I look so different than you, I am afraid that grandmas, and grandpas would not be accepting (I know for a fact my husbands parents would not be). So in that respect would it be unfair to the child? In my situation that answer has to be yes. I have already and still go through, the question of why do --------'s (my DH) parents hate me so much. They already have treated my oldest daughter bad, and then treated my youngest really good. I have seen the pain in her eyes, I have been there at Christmas when they gave my oldest one present and my youngest several,(only 2 yrs between my daughters) I have had the fights on that christmas morning with them and my husband of how unfair it is to treat one different from the other. I have been asked by my MIL if my oldest was retarded, and I have walked into the room of my MIL saying terrible mean things to my oldest. Now alot of time has past since all this has taken place, and this year I have done some major soul searching and praying that I can hand all my pain and anger of how she treated my daughter over. My MIL is better but the preference of my youngest is still obvious. I know in my heart that it would be the same way for a child of another nationality, as I have been told that it would be. My husband is an only child so involvement of the inlaws is almost on a weekly basis. I hope this clarifies.

[bjhv5]

I have to say that if it were my MIL our my own parents if they could not love and treat ALL my children the same then sorry we would not go for visits etc.
I have been through this because my MIL would not claim my chiildren as her grandchildren bacuaes we are white and dh is hispanic.My dh broke all ties with his parents for about a year until MIL came to her right mind and saw that if she could not or would not accpet us then she would loose her son.
Now with all that being said, If your MIL dosent treat your dd the same why do you think she would treat ANY color adopted/foster child equal to your youngest dd?If she has a problem with not being blood then it wont matter what color child you adopt .

[jaenelle]

Originally Posted by bjhv5

If your MIL dosent treat your dd the same why do you think she would treat ANY color adopted/foster child equal to your youngest dd?If she has a problem with not being blood then it wont matter what color child you adopt .

That's what I was wondering.