[tddjc]

After reading the last thread about attending tpr I am wondering if I should push to attend. I was told that that wasn't something I needed to go to and it kinda seemed brushed off. I am wondering if I should push to be there? Is it worth it to cause waves with this???

It's around the 19th of this month I think. No real clear info. They (the kids cw) also told my cw they didn't need to attend.

What is the proper protocal for this??

[shycar]

I attended the tpr. My sons sw suggested us in going, plus I had to speak. My cw also went as a support to us. She did not have to go, but she wanted to be there for support. She was also at his adoption. My hubby usually goes to all hearing of all our foster kids, becouse we have had some sw that do not give us info, so hubby goes to keep on top of what is going on.

[stevenstwin]

My gut feeling is that I definitely WOULD go - it shows your committment to the child. In my case, I was told that I need to go - I've been subpoenad to give testimony on how my foster son is doing in care, etc. - but I'll also be asked by the judge what my long-term intentions are. As for the kids, it depends on age. My FS is 15 and so obviously he will be going, since he has a right to hear what is being said concerning him. I wish he didnt' have to - if there was any way to spare him this I would. If your kids don't have to go, I'm glad.

[Hadley2]

You don't have to "push" to be "allowed" to attend. Most states (check yours) have full discosure to foster parents and foster parents have a statutory right to attend all hearings--most require notification and the county in VA that we deal with actually issues a summons as its notification procedure! The parents' lawyers may try to bar you if you might testify--witnesses can be held apart from the proceedings so that their testimony isn't influenced. It's a pretext, but an easy-do "feel good" for the parents to keep you out. Simply find out when it is, and go. Dress nicely to blend in, no jeans, sneakers or "vacationwear." When the case is called, walk in as if you belong with everyone else. Sit in the back row. Good luck!

[tpakra]

We were strongly advised not to go to any hearings since we are wanting to adopt. They want to keep as much distance between the bparents and us as possible (they know what our car looks like and what we look like from a distance, but not up close). There are other ways to let the judge know that you 'care about the child' as was mentioned before. We have sent picture books, a letter for the upcoming permanency hearing, and will send a video for the TPR hearing. All parties involved also know the reason that we do not attend court, and they are all good about getting back to us once court lets out to tell us what happened. We usually get 2-3 calls after court (the cw, the CASA, and the visit facilitator).

[mab_123]

We were adviced not to go to TPR hearring for reason of the bparents not knowing who we were. Our case is very closed b/c of bmothers condition. I do believe you have the right to go, unless for some reason they strongly recommmend you not, and if thats the case do ask why

[stevenstwin]

That makes sense. In our case there is no reason NOT to go - since the bios live literally 6 houses away from me! The obviously know where I live, recognize my car and have seen me from a distance - so there isn't much point trying to keep my identity a secret. STILL - I must admit that I'm not excited about meeting them face to face at our TPR at the end of the month!

[swanzie]

I would go - but that is me I am just a noisy gal

I wanted to know the "truth" not the sugar coated version. I attended every pre-trail and trial date. I did not have any interaction with the biomom other than being in the same hall waiting for the court room to open and then I sat in the back and answered questions the judge asked and only was on the stand when summonsed.

I actually am still pondering adopting..of course I would love to - but there are so many issues to get help with first. I want someone good set up not someone who got their degree from the back of a cereal box. I've already kicked a councelor out of my house for disrespecting me and lost one because he changed jobs...so this isn't helping the children having a swinging door with different people coming thru!

Anyway - I recommend going because it gives you a clear picture of what is really happening. It gives the judge a sense that he is not making orphans - if what you would like to do is adopt. If you are worried about the bio's stalking you - just hang out in the court for awhile after and don't go right home. And actually, even though this is what I would have done the court officer held me back until he made sure she was clear of the building and was waiting at the bus stop...and even still I hung around a little longer to be sure. I never go straight home from any visit or court hearing - always some errand to run just to make sure I am not being followed.

Good luck, let us know how it turns out.

[Faith65]

We have been advised not to go. Because the biom is a very nasty and angry person and with her seeing us it just fuels her fire. The SW's are very good about updating us. Even at the ACR every 6 months we go at different times. It's not because they are trying to keep our adentiy quiet she knows me all to well (she was married to my brother yrs ago), it's just the lawyers, SW, DR's therapsit and all have a very strong case against her and at pre trail hearing she was advised by her Atty by judge she will loose and loose big time and it is in her and her daughter's best interrest to move forward and consent. We will be adopting her.

Received court dates finally for Nov 2 and 3 for TPR.

[hopeandprayers]

I'm a new member to this site, and I am so amazed at the openness of the workers in a lot of your situations! I wish I had it!

We haven't spoken to or heard from our cw in about 6 months. The cw for ** is not consistent with providing information and actually discourages us from attending hearings because it might be "uncomfortable for the **.

To get around this, my husband and I wrote a letter to the judge informing her of our intentions, but I'm starting to be concerned that we haven't attended any of the past hearings!

We'll definitely be at the tpr, though.

[5starday]

I would definitely go.

You are the eyes and ears for your child. Not being there will just be frustrating and make you want to know what happened. Being there will enable you to answer any questions from your child in the future as to what happened there.

You being there will also show the judge and court that you are there to support your child and that you are showing an interest in what happens to that child's future.

Don't ever let a CS brush you off as if you are an unimportant factor or that something doesn't matter. Your instincts are correct and you should be there if you are allowed to be.